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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We were very close growing up, all the way through adulthood. We were bridesmaids in each other's weddings! Slowly though, she stopped contact with me. Today I got an email from a mutual friend with some news, and she said the old friend asked her to forward it to me because she didn't have my email.

Of course she has my email! It's been the same for 13 years. It just hurt all of a sudden because I'm in such a bad place right now, and I don't have the emotional resources to just get over it. :( I mean, I'll get over it, but it stings.

That's all, I'm just hurt. Any wisdom to help me feel better?
 

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We were very close growing up, all the way through adulthood. We were bridesmaids in each other's weddings! Slowly though, she stopped contact with me. Today I got an email from a mutual friend with some news, and she said the old friend asked her to forward it to me because she didn't have my email.

Of course she has my email! It's been the same for 13 years. It just hurt all of a sudden because I'm in such a bad place right now, and I don't have the emotional resources to just get over it. :( I mean, I'll get over it, but it stings.

That's all, I'm just hurt. Any wisdom to help me feel better?
I don't think I have any wisdom to make you feel better but I do understand.

People grow apart and who knows what the reasons are. Maybe she has changed and doesn't feel anything in common anymore.

It is hurtful. I have had it happen to me and it seems so out of the blue.
 

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Was there any particular point at which you and your friend started to grow apart, or was this a gradual process?

This mightn't help you right now because you're hurting, but there's a lot of truth in the following:-

" People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."


(Author Unknown)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks ladies. It was actually a pretty natural, slow, drifting apart, and I should handle it gracefully. We're far apart, and it's a lot of work to keep of a friendship from a distance. She's a lovely person but I totally get that the time and distance are a problem. I'd like to have a relationship where we can just pick up where we left off when she's in town, but I know she's busy with family. I shouldn't be so sensitive. It's one of my weaknesses.
 

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Northernlights, this has happened to me with several friends over the years, as we've gone our separate ways and moved to different countries. It's painful, I know, but for every person who leaves our life there's another waiting to enter it...

When our inner resources are a bit low, we can feel overwhelmed when we feel that we've lost someone or something that's been in our lives for a long time. Perhaps this is a time for you to start making new friends or taking up a really absorbing hobby?
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you Cosmos. I'm sure it's exacerbated by the fact that we moved to H's home country 9 months ago, and I don't speak the language and haven't made any friends. We're moving back to the US next month though, and I do have other friends there.

Ok, I'm totally tearing up. I think that's exactly it. I'm just feeling especially lonely. I'll be better soon.
 

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NL, sounds like loneliness. Hang on in there - only a month to go and you'll be back amongst friends!:)
 
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Northernlights, that stings so much. When everything is going well and life is a laugh being a friend to someone is easy. But when the chips are down and the need for friendly support is higher, to lose a friend just hurts. That happened to me a few years ago and though we had kind of drifted apart it stung. What I realized was that yes we had drifted and we both were going through a rough time. We both needed friendly support and because of the drift, neither of us could "be there" for the other. It made sense once I came to terms with that.

Once you get back to where you have friends near you, they sure are gonna soak up the love from you! Those friendships will last a lifetime because the hurt you feel now will cause you to never take a friendship for granted and you will end up being the kind of friend most people only wish they had.

I could not have coped with the last few years of my life with out my two BFFs. I love them beyond words. You'll have that too.
 

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I don't understand why you would need to lose this friend.

I have a very good friend that I only talk to maybe once a year. We live in different provinces and so never see each other. Last I saw him was 4 years ago at my mothers funeral.

He has a young son and is busy with his business and family. My kids are older teens and I am busy with my business and with my family. If your kids were closer in age, we might arrange holidays together. Hoping to see them this summer in fact.

But even though we hardly ever talk and never see each other, we are still best friends. I know that if I needed him, he would be there for me. He knows the same.

I could never think to tell him we are no longer friends because we are too far apart or our lives are too different. There must be something else going on here to cause this email.
 

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How are your feeling, NL?

You might want to start planning that house warming party for when you go go home... A good way for you and your H to reconnect with old friends.:)
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
There must be something else going on here to cause this email.
I don't know. I don't think she's going to tell me. Maybe she changed in ways I haven't seen and I'm no longer a good fit for her?

A coming home party is a good idea! I totally need something else to focus on. H isn't coming straight back with me, we're doing a separation, but the plan is for him to follow in a few months. Gah, I'm so overwhelmed. I'm ok though, my best friend knows absolutely everything and she's wonderful. She's not local to me in the US, but we talk on the phone nearly every day.
 

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I don't understand why you would need to lose this friend.

I have a very good friend that I only talk to maybe once a year. We live in different provinces and so never see each other. Last I saw him was 4 years ago at my mothers funeral.

He has a young son and is busy with his business and family. My kids are older teens and I am busy with my business and with my family. If your kids were closer in age, we might arrange holidays together. Hoping to see them this summer in fact.

But even though we hardly ever talk and never see each other, we are still best friends. I know that if I needed him, he would be there for me. He knows the same.

I could never think to tell him we are no longer friends because we are too far apart or our lives are too different. There must be something else going on here to cause this email.
Guy relationships are not like girl relationships. More emotional involvement in girl relationships. And some friends just grow apart.
 

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Guy relationships are not like girl relationships. More emotional involvement in girl relationships. And some friends just grow apart.

I understand the difference, but I don't understand the email about it. I have grown apart from many childhood friends. Just happens! But I would never send an email to another friend saying please pass this message onto "XYZ" telling him that we have grown apart.

There is more to it than what she is sharing. I am guessing the content of the email states the reasons.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Oh, no, I'm sorry. The email the friend passed along was just a mass email to a bunch of people with a family update. It was just that she told my friend she didn't have my email, when she's had it for years. I don't think she meant it to be passive aggressive or anything, it's just a sign of the times with us. We used to be really close, now she doesn't even know my email address any more. Why would she? I stopped emailing her because she didn't respond. And when I call her when she's in town (I've see it on FB), she doesn't call me back until she's on her way home. It was just for a while, I wasn't sure whether she really was busy or if she was trying to let the friendship die. Now I'm sure.
 

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OP, just another thought... Perhaps she changed her email address and somehow lost your contact details. Whatever the case, perhaps you could drop her a short line or two telling her that you're returning home and that it would nice to catch up with her sometime. If she ignores you, then you'll know that it really is time to move on.
 

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OP,
I really like people and have many who I consider friends. They are always a friend until they let me know otherwise. The few times this has happened it has been quite easy to let go. I have always had a view like the one Cosmos shared.

I have been mostly enriched by those I have associated with, some personally and some professionally. Some friendships have ended in great disappointment. Nothing is worse than when you think you have a bond with someone and you realize they were just using you for their own gain. I used to be angry at these people but now I am just sad for them.

Do yourself a favor and move on. You are likely in the prime of your life and the relationships you have at this point are likely going to be much richer than those you have had in the past. Enjoy!
 

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Hope you're feeling a little brighter today, NL?
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I am, thanks. I've emailed three of my other friends today. I've decided to take it as a reminder to nurture the friendships I have, so I'm feeling much better. Thank you.
 
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