It's time to LETGO completely!

I wrote this to my spouse and hand it to whom ..I hope he read it, and well he hasnt called me yet which he normally does everyday. Separated a year this month. Does not live with me. We go back and forth to each others homes he stays with me Fr Sat Sun Mon & Tues Wed Thurs he is at moms & well I don't know! He has not worked for 2 years. I was the money maker and I wont be a hypocrite but I used drugs with him hating it evertime,thinking this would make him happy and stay with me but now! I opened my eyes and my sorry gut instincts made me realize this cant continue. I think i made a wise decision to leave him. I am crazy! We have 18 son and he is wonderful. He never liked his manipulating, controlling,jealous father. My heart aches because I will be with out him.. and I am sorry this had to be. I want to give in but It's too late. I hope he read the letter it is pretty long so I’m just letting you read the first pages. Tell me your thoughts please!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012
After last night, I need to tell you this in writing … I thought about this very clearly before coming to this decision. Ernie ,I loved you like no other ever will and no one will ever fill this love I have for you no one can replace it nor no one will take care of you like I did. No one will be there by your side when your old and frail like I would be and no one will care for you as much as I have.
Life it truly hard and trying to understand our marriage, especially one when drugs and alcohol are involved is not easy to understand and cope with especially trying to make the best of it. I feel I have sacrificed way too much in our marriage to keep holding on. I work so hard to keep us together and pay everything all by myself with none of your help. Truly, I gave my heart and soul to you baby as the song say’s. I gave our marriage many thoughts before coming to a decision whether to stay with you or let go. I thought these past few days together would all make a difference for us and life would be great again for me and my love..! When we hugged and loved each other over the 4 days & made each feel good, I was in love again. I was happy all weekend... until... my heart & my gut started to ache. So…I went with it...it’s telling me something again. There still is something very wrong here, I need to figure it out I told myself! Yes, I do talk to myself because your never there to listen to my heart), well, I have to make sure I know what I’m doing and so this is my heart crying to you.
It’ is really hard to leave someone that you cared about for so long and married in catholic church..and all that life has put in front of us together. I feel I was connected by the hip with you. I couldn’t bare the thought of losing you again. It hurts inside! Right now! And I am sure it’s not going to be easy. It will hurt for a long time… but life is way too short to continue on this way. I can’t be in this life of drugs and alcohol anymore I can’t continue to make the wrong decisions with you. You have put me through some rollercoaster rides these past few months. You kept me as your wife and my home your safe little haven, so that you can go back and forth to your moms during this whole year of separation. You go back to someone else be and to be free with no responsibilities or obligations you just sat back and watched your life as though you are high and mighty.. Any way you f with my heart My home will not be abused anymore with your messing around. I guess meth has a lot to do with it and you smoking that crap has taken you away from me. You are worthless to me now Ernie. It’s time to say it’s over... too much for me to continue with this Bull crap of a marriage. I figured how much more I need to realize that my husband is infatuated with a young meth********** all her calls wanting the drugs got to crazy for me to deal with ..too many lies acting as though she was trying to reach your cousin when in fact she was just keeping tabs on you. Even while I sat there you would text back and forth. I didn’t know for sure but then I started to wonder why does she call him everyday. Yes I let these things happen to us because of all the 25 years together and I wanted to hold on to our marriage but I cant anylonger ..no matter if you deny there is nothing I cant be with a man whom will not support his wife financially. You need to help yourself now. I wont treat you like a baby anylonger.
etc etc 6 page letter included HELP!