[MrsJJoseph]

Ok, just a few notes before I start. For one I told my Husband that before we got married I would never accepte to come before anyone, not even his own mother. Secound I value family bond as long as its in line with respecting me. Last I love him with all my heart, but I know my worth and won't accepte to be treated below my worth.

To make a long story short the day me and my husband got married we cut the honey moon earlie because his family was worried because the havn't heard anything from him. The first day we got back home we spent the night with his family. Ok, it gets worse for thanksgiving the only day out of out busy schdule to spend time together, he gets over his family house and spends half the time sitting closly next to his sister and paying no attention. I did not say anything till we got home and he made a big deal basically telling me I would never come before his family. Not verbally but I knew what he was saying.

So I am at the point were after only six months I've had enough, I will not spend the rest of my life this way. I am still young...so after the lease I plan to leave and tell him to go back to his family and sleep on his sisters floor. Ha!! There goes my marriage life.

Any true advice...please lets keep it clean.

 

[KathyBatesel]

You sound very demanding. I would never tolerate being treated as less than the most important person in my husband's life, but I would never dream of accusing him of betraying me just because he had a conversation with his sister or spent time with his family on a holiday.

He did not hurt you. You are acting like a deprived child because you didn't get all the attention you wanted. You might be a worthwhile person, but you're showing him that you are not very worthwhile after all if you think this way.

 

[MrsJJoseph]

ok, well as I said. I value a the bond of a family. That was not the problem just one of the points that If you go somewhere and I am not confrontable with anyone in the group but you the kind thing to so would be to at the least be a gentleman and introduce me or help me feel comfrontable..not spend the whole time talking to your sister that you talk to everyday and at a drop a dime jump up and do any and everything for.Brother I dropped my pen.. do this do that...

 

[MrsJJoseph]

But that how I am treated...we could be sitting together spending time together. let one of his sisters call and say I need you to do this. He goes running never looking back...not careing about how I feel. When I talk to him about it...he just says yeah Honey I'm sorry. Thats it.

 

[Jimena]

Hmmm, I'd like to know more about your pre-marriage dynamic. Do you have the same definition of "putting someone first"? How long have you been together?

PS- We visited his family on our honeymoon...but 1 it was a huge road trip anyway and haven't made it back to said state since bc its so far, 2 we didn't have enough $$ to spend on hotels.
Cutting it short does sound weird, my college roommate puts her family ahead of her marriage and they are quite the dysfunctional couple.

 

[KathyBatesel]

MrsJJ, what keeps you from introducing yourself and talking to them? You are responsible for your own comfort level. Yes, your husband could be more sensitive, perhaps, but it's not his responsibility to manage how you feel.

You probably have some good reasons to feel the way you do. However, you can only adjust yourself. Whether your husband is willing to work on things is up to him. You can ask him, but he might not be able or willing to stop behaving in the way he has around his family.

I agree that his wife should come first. However, she should be reasonable, too.