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"It's been a year. Get over it!" this is the comment my husband makes when I say something about the affairs. I just can't get over it. It's such a long story, but will try to make it short .
On June 4th, 2011, I saw the light and realized my husband was cheating. Although he denied anything more than making phone calls to 3 different women. He said that I don't have any proof other then the phone records. That was until Sept. 13th, 2011. I got a long Facebook message from his ex-GF detailing all of their encounters. Their PA had been going on since Dec. 2008 (3.5 years long). She lives in France but would fly here for weeks at a time and spend them with him. He was in consulting so would be out of town during the week then come home on the weekeds. About 5 to 6 times a year she would fly to the states and stay with him all week. I just about had a nervous breakdown when I read all the details of their affair. He came home and said how sorry he was. He didn't ever want me to find out. He called it off with her months before this and she was angry so that is why she told me about the affair.
After I found out about her, I did a little digging and found out about 2 other women. On June 4th 2011, he went out with friends and didnt come home that night. I called for about an hour every ten minutes from 4:30 am til 5:35 am. Thinking he got in an accident since he didn't call or come home. He finally answered saying he was so drunk he couldn't drive home and crashed at his friends house. He said he would be on his way home after he got a cup of coffee to help him wake up. About 10 minutes after he left for home he got a text from an number I didn't recognize (I checked our cell phone records). I also say that his friend called him at 2am...the friend he said he spent the night with at his house. I started asking questions "why would Frank call you at 2am if you were with him." and "who sent you a text at 5:58am" He explained everything and told me he gave his number to a woman he met that night at the club. He said they had good conversation and didn't think it was a big deal. Oh it was a big DEAL to me. I told him to tell her to stop contact. He said he'd call and tell her. I said I would call and he said no don't, but it was too late. I called and she pretended not to know what I was talking about. She didn't know my husband. She said she was out of town....all a bunch of BS. I told my husband to end all contact or else. He said ok. That was the first week of June. Fastforward to Oct. 2011 I found out that he remained in contact with this woman, and that he was screwing her from Jun. to Oct. 2011. She lives in the same city that he works in so all those late nights at work were actually time he spent with her. They would book a hotel and have their fun. I just couldn't take it and was ready to pack his stuff and get a divorce. Once again he said he was sorry and that he doen't want a divorce and he will do what ever it takes. Yada yada yada. He promised no contact with her but then he made a call to her Christmas Eve 2011. 5 days before our trip out of the country. I almost cancelled the trip but I couldn't get the airline miles back on my acct so I went. There were so many emotions going on that the trip wasn't what I planned it would be. He said he had a weak moment that's why he called her and he needed to hear from her that she was done with him so he could hate her and not want to go back.
Another load of BS.
The third woman he denies doing anything with although he said he would have if she wanted to. She lives out of state where he would travel for business and it's his friend's GF's friend. He did have a picture of her in his cell phone and there were long conversations between them but to this day he denies anything going on with her. She is married and has her own business so I doubt he would want to let it out that anything happend for fear it would ruin her life. The other 2 women were not married, both were already divorced.
Ok so here I am today. I have no trust! He gave me the password on his phone, but not to his email and Facebook. He doesn't stay late at work like he use to, and if he does he calls and says I can call his work number to check if I want. He said he is done with the affairs. He says "It's been a year and to get over it." I just can't get over it. We have 4 children together ages 10, 8, 6 and 5. He is a great father and loves spending time with them. It would break their hearts not to have their father here. He makes all the money about 125k a year. I have been home with the kids for 10 years although I have a master's degree in bilogical sciences. I own our home with my parents. He is not on the title. We own 1 vehicle outright and we make payments on his mercedes. I battle everyday with leaving or staying. I don't know how I can make it on my own with 4 kids. I want to go back to college and get a 2nd master's in Nursing when my youngest is in school all day which is another year away. We have been married 8 years, been together 11 years. How do you just erase everything and start fresh? I have no self-esteem, I let myself go. I am in IC. We tried MC but he is doesn't really want to go. He only went because I gave him an ultimatum. I just don't know how to proceed. I am lost and confused. I always said I would be out the door if he cheated. He knew that! We would get in conversations about it and he would say "get with the times", "men see sex as just sex it doesn't mean anything". I would always end our conversations with well if I ever find out you're cheating we are done. Yet here I am....still here. I need to find the courage to either let it go and try to start over or just leave and start fresh. This limbo is killing me. I'm on an emotional roller coaster and it's not good for me or my children.
On June 4th, 2011, I saw the light and realized my husband was cheating. Although he denied anything more than making phone calls to 3 different women. He said that I don't have any proof other then the phone records. That was until Sept. 13th, 2011. I got a long Facebook message from his ex-GF detailing all of their encounters. Their PA had been going on since Dec. 2008 (3.5 years long). She lives in France but would fly here for weeks at a time and spend them with him. He was in consulting so would be out of town during the week then come home on the weekeds. About 5 to 6 times a year she would fly to the states and stay with him all week. I just about had a nervous breakdown when I read all the details of their affair. He came home and said how sorry he was. He didn't ever want me to find out. He called it off with her months before this and she was angry so that is why she told me about the affair.
After I found out about her, I did a little digging and found out about 2 other women. On June 4th 2011, he went out with friends and didnt come home that night. I called for about an hour every ten minutes from 4:30 am til 5:35 am. Thinking he got in an accident since he didn't call or come home. He finally answered saying he was so drunk he couldn't drive home and crashed at his friends house. He said he would be on his way home after he got a cup of coffee to help him wake up. About 10 minutes after he left for home he got a text from an number I didn't recognize (I checked our cell phone records). I also say that his friend called him at 2am...the friend he said he spent the night with at his house. I started asking questions "why would Frank call you at 2am if you were with him." and "who sent you a text at 5:58am" He explained everything and told me he gave his number to a woman he met that night at the club. He said they had good conversation and didn't think it was a big deal. Oh it was a big DEAL to me. I told him to tell her to stop contact. He said he'd call and tell her. I said I would call and he said no don't, but it was too late. I called and she pretended not to know what I was talking about. She didn't know my husband. She said she was out of town....all a bunch of BS. I told my husband to end all contact or else. He said ok. That was the first week of June. Fastforward to Oct. 2011 I found out that he remained in contact with this woman, and that he was screwing her from Jun. to Oct. 2011. She lives in the same city that he works in so all those late nights at work were actually time he spent with her. They would book a hotel and have their fun. I just couldn't take it and was ready to pack his stuff and get a divorce. Once again he said he was sorry and that he doen't want a divorce and he will do what ever it takes. Yada yada yada. He promised no contact with her but then he made a call to her Christmas Eve 2011. 5 days before our trip out of the country. I almost cancelled the trip but I couldn't get the airline miles back on my acct so I went. There were so many emotions going on that the trip wasn't what I planned it would be. He said he had a weak moment that's why he called her and he needed to hear from her that she was done with him so he could hate her and not want to go back.
Another load of BS.The third woman he denies doing anything with although he said he would have if she wanted to. She lives out of state where he would travel for business and it's his friend's GF's friend. He did have a picture of her in his cell phone and there were long conversations between them but to this day he denies anything going on with her. She is married and has her own business so I doubt he would want to let it out that anything happend for fear it would ruin her life. The other 2 women were not married, both were already divorced.
Ok so here I am today. I have no trust! He gave me the password on his phone, but not to his email and Facebook. He doesn't stay late at work like he use to, and if he does he calls and says I can call his work number to check if I want. He said he is done with the affairs. He says "It's been a year and to get over it." I just can't get over it. We have 4 children together ages 10, 8, 6 and 5. He is a great father and loves spending time with them. It would break their hearts not to have their father here. He makes all the money about 125k a year. I have been home with the kids for 10 years although I have a master's degree in bilogical sciences. I own our home with my parents. He is not on the title. We own 1 vehicle outright and we make payments on his mercedes. I battle everyday with leaving or staying. I don't know how I can make it on my own with 4 kids. I want to go back to college and get a 2nd master's in Nursing when my youngest is in school all day which is another year away. We have been married 8 years, been together 11 years. How do you just erase everything and start fresh? I have no self-esteem, I let myself go. I am in IC. We tried MC but he is doesn't really want to go. He only went because I gave him an ultimatum. I just don't know how to proceed. I am lost and confused. I always said I would be out the door if he cheated. He knew that! We would get in conversations about it and he would say "get with the times", "men see sex as just sex it doesn't mean anything". I would always end our conversations with well if I ever find out you're cheating we are done. Yet here I am....still here. I need to find the courage to either let it go and try to start over or just leave and start fresh. This limbo is killing me. I'm on an emotional roller coaster and it's not good for me or my children.
