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Regardless of what direction you want to go, step #1 is you have to kill the affair. Make no mistake, as long as there is any contact of any kind, the affair is still ongoing. She continues to live in the fog and you're the mean father figure who took her fun away.

The fact that she's still friends with him on Facebook, means that she's still in the affair.

So, one week in and you still haven't confronted her boyfriend? Are you afraid of him? Is he bigger than you or something? Does he have something on you?
 

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ONEMIC

Will Kane outlined your actions clearly and the rest of the team gave you great advice.

You should see an attorney so you know your rights.

Two other things I would do if your wife remains remorseless.

1. Get the OM fired. Go to HR and let him know what he did. Tell them he pursued your wife. Make them act.

2. If your wife keeps throwing her crap back at you. Pull out her suitcase and start packing it with her clothes. When she asks you what you are doing tell her this " You pursued a relationship with a loser. you broke your vows to me and have hurt our family. I will no longer tolerate your presence in our home. I am dropping you off at losers apartment so you can sleep with him on the floor. THat is what you deserve. This is a result of your actions. ENjoy them."

And walk her out the door to your car and drop her ass off.

You are not kickin her out. You are just showing her what her life will look like as a result of her actions.

Stay strong. Do not listen to her lies.

HM64
 

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First exposé the affair to friends and to your coworkers, I know it hurts but you want him treated like scum by the other guys in the group. Screwing another guys wife should make him dead to them.

Next, take her in the car and drop her at his door and leave her there. Tell her she can share the floor with the POS.

File for diviorce and primary custody of your kid.

Also, cut her off from money from you. You pay for the house rtc, but no spending cash for her nothing. Also cancel her cell phone.

As for the computer put a password on it and don't let her have access.

Bottom line is that she chose to leave the marriage when she cheated. She looses all the benefits you provided.
 

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Discussion Starter #26
No I met him face to face - mind you I was really angry and he knew he had something coming to him! He said he was really sorry, he was drinking , so was she blah blah blah. He told me he would do whatever I wanted to happen. I told him I can no longer work with him and he had to make a choice. This kid seemed like he was owning up to what has happened and was ready for any consequences available. My intention was to beat the living **** out of him but once we started to talk I didn't have it in me. I'm 6'4 -200lbs- I work out 6 days a week. This lguy could have been annihilated, but hurting him wasn't going to solve anything! Instead I learned all the details and he confessed everything.
I know the reason why this happened and I'm partially to blame but back to my original post I didn't stick his penis in her vagina.
She needed someone vent to and talk. He was there for her when we where fighting and talking **** to eachother!
I would call her names and he would say the opposite. They got attached. Emotional affair is what they had and it turned to a PA
He promised me he would end all contact with her. Her sister even threatened him - if they spoke again! Btw my family and her family both know.
Now I just need her to delete and block him. She will be home soon and I will make sure it happens.
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it isn't just facebook either. It is total transparency she has to cough up email accounts, cell phones, facebook, twitter, aim, yahoo messenger, skype, multiplayer games with chat features.

I have read enough stories to see how hard cheaters will work to stay in their fantasy. I have read stories where they started with email, then face book, then phone and text, then skype mobile to hide text's back and forth on the phone bill, when one get cut off they move on to another. Hear of them creating a joint email account and self emailing messages back and forth on the one account. IMO you need to look harder otherwise you still have a third wheel in your marriage.
I forgot whether or not you said you exposed this to your friends and family. If you have not do so now. I would contact the boss of the OM at work and HR (if you have one) file a complaint with both of them. Since this guy seems like he is not that important he will likely be let go.

You my friend are at war now. Not with your wife and the OM but with a fantasy world they created. The only way to tear down their fantasy is to inject large amounts of reality. Make the fantasy world ten times worse than the safe and secure marriage she once had.
The time for nice and loving is over. Remember there is a reason why "all's fair in love and war" is such a well known statement.

Right now you are at war with that woman that betrayed you not your wife. You wife is a new relationship junkie right now. I am so sorry your WW put you in this position. However now it is time to Man up figure out what you want. then do what is necessary.

If you want to R do the 180. demand and enforce the NC. Get your selves into MC and IC. Outline several key terms that have to be fulfilled in order for you to consider R. Contact a lawyer and have an initial draft of your D papers at the ready to show her if she waivers. Set your boundaries in the sand and fill them with iron and concrete.

IF you want to D get a VAR and keep it on you at all times. Contact a lawyer and start the paperwork. Don't do anything to make yourself look bad in court ,ie verbal or physical harassment, pitting the kids against your wife, see another woman, or party it up single style . You need to be spotless since you are a man.
ONce the D is final you can call her and tell her who and what she is. What she is worth, and wish her happiness in the fact she found a homeless 23 year old to live a life with. Move on find a LS that's twice as hot and then rub it all in your XW face.

Good luck either way.
 

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She has no remorse yet, she is blame shifting. You need to snap her out of this and fast.

Expose the affair to your family and hers. Since the POS does not have anyone there is noone on his side. You need to do the 180 and tell her to back her stuff and get out. You hang on to the kid.

You need to be tough but stay in control try not to yell swear and nothing physical.

I hate to tell you but her sex with him was probably unprotected go get yourself checked out right away.

Stay cool for you and your kid
 

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Problem is she doesn't think there was anything wrong with her having sex with him.

Really?

Tell her you are going to go do nothing wring with her sister then.
 

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Discussion Starter #30
Honestly when I discovered the affair I did loose my ****.
I held her hostage in the living room and slapped her around!
No visible marks were left since I only back handed her once really good.
I apologized for my actions since I never hit a woman before but could not keep my composure.
Like I said her family knows except her father. If he found out she would get beat down for sure.
My family knows aswell. I told her to tell her friends but she's too scared and embarrassed .
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Leave.

Let the jobless loser support her.

You are better than him and her. You did not cheat when your marriage was crap, you tried to work it out.

My vote is leave.
Nope. Not a good idea. She cheats? SHE leaves!
 

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Everything you say is all well and good--but you know reality as well as I do----your mge., will get rocky again, and hit problems-they all do

---what do you plan on for keeping her from straying again, when she doesn't like what is going on.
 

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Honestly when I discovered the affair I did loose my ****.
I held her hostage in the living room and slapped her around!
No visible marks were left since I only back handed her once really good.
I apologized for my actions since I never hit a woman before but could not keep my composure.
Like I said her family knows except her father. If he found out she would get beat down for sure.
My family knows aswell. I told her to tell her friends but she's too scared and embarrassed .
Posted via Mobile Device
So, you held her prisoner and you beat her. And you apologised to her. Well, good.

You know you should never have laid a finger on her, right? Make sure you are not in a situation in the future when you might be tempted to do it again. For your own sake, if nothing else.
 

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Then YOU need to tell her friends. Let them know who she really is.

As for the backhand...well, dude, I can't condone that cuz even finding out my wife was banging a guy for FIVE f'ng years, I've never thought to get physical. If you're truly sorry, then okay. But that ain't a cool move. Period.

By the way...her dad DOES need to find out. Let him give her a smack down the way a daddy does. That'll slap the fog right out of her.
 

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If you stay with her are you willing to look past what she has done? If so, follow what Will_Kane said
 
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Honestly when I discovered the affair I did loose my ****.
I held her hostage in the living room and slapped her around!
No visible marks were left since I only back handed her once really good.
I apologized for my actions since I never hit a woman before but could not keep my composure.
Like I said her family knows except her father. If he found out she would get beat down for sure.
My family knows aswell. I told her to tell her friends but she's too scared and embarrassed .
Posted via Mobile Device

Never lay your hands on a woman first off.

Don't do that again. For lots of reasons. Obvious ones. AND because she could charge you with domestic assault. Then you will have a harder time if you have to go to court later on.

I repeat....don't do that again!
 

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Honestly when I discovered the affair I did loose my ****.
I held her hostage in the living room and slapped her around!
No visible marks were left since I only back handed her once really good.
I apologized for my actions since I never hit a woman before but could not keep my composure.
Like I said her family knows except her father. If he found out she would get beat down for sure.
My family knows aswell. I told her to tell her friends but she's too scared and embarrassed .
Posted via Mobile Device
OK that was not right or smart. Get yourself into IC as soon as you can I needed it. I was very angry. You are working out that is good but you really need to talk with a pro at this stuff. It helped me a great deal
 

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Discussion Starter #40
Well she deleted him but didnt block him on facebook. I can tell she needs him as a back up plan.
I asked for passwords to her Facebook and phone she says it's a invasion of privacy.
I know she's trying to hide something but can't quite figure it out yet.
She did show me her msgs but his was deleted obviously.
She doesn't even want to talk about it of be in the same room/ watch tv together or anything until we get help she says.
I'm going to try to book a councilor tomorrow.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
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