Talk About Marriage banner

It's been 4 days since we separated

4402 Views 52 Replies 14 Participants Last post by  K.C.
Hello everyone.

I am in pain and I need help. I can't breathe properly. My heart is pounding slowly but hard. I can't believe it really happened. I'm in denial and yet I know it is done and I am trying to plan a way out because I don't know what else to focus on.

We could never communicate. From the very beginning we both found it difficult to really be ourselves but our love for each other was intense and passionate. We had difficulties with almost everything.

I'm 30, been married for 8 years, known him for 12. We sold our house in July and planned to live with the in-laws for about 2 months because we planned to move half way around the world. I stopped working in July to prepare for everything. Husband worked from home and needed to take a course in February so we had to stay here longer, but the in-laws were horrible to live with and things just fell apart.

He is my first true love. I can see my mistakes and his but he is right, we just couldn't get along. A lot of it had to do with external factors that I wished we could have worked on. I had no idea how upset he was and that he had been contemplating divorce.

I feel cheated because he has been talking to people for 2 years about our marriage (I had no idea) and yet he never explained things to me in a calm setting. I loved him and thought things were good overall; we just needed to iron out the kinks.

I've read some of the other posts and nothing I can say will stand out, I'm just another heartbroken individual going through a separation. We have no children and it looks like the divorce will be uncomplicated :( However, I will still need to figure out a life of my own but I'm still in denial.

Is anyone leaning on religion to get them through this? Is anyone muslim here? I'm muslim but don't know any where I live and really need to talk without avoiding my faith because it's going to play such a momentous role in my recovery.

Our divorce was Islamic and none of my friends can really understand that (we will still need to divorce legally). I want certain things for myself from a religious perspective but no one really gets it and it's making me feel so much more isolated.

I can't imagine a life without him, it's was so out of the blue. My veins feel tight and I'm tingling all over....I want this awful feeling to go away and I just want my husband back.
See less See more
Not open for further replies.
1 - 2 of 53 Posts
I am in the same camp as you all - and it's true, there is comfort in the shared situations of total strangers. The bitterness and the abrupt departure, the blame on me of the problems, and his smugness as he goes about being "helpful" with our daughter, or with finances, even as my whole life falls apart because of him.

Shared dreams, a child, plans - he's throwing it all away. Will he regret it? I certainly hope so. Now, to just ride out this grief and hope and sadness and wonder, where oh where will I end up?

Love and thoughts to you all - be good to yourselves in the ways spoken to you by your deepest instincts.
  • Like
Reactions: 2
All I feel like doing tonight (after reaching out to as many friends as I could, even talking with a good one for over and hour) is taking my daughter and moving somewhere so I don't have to see the light on in my husband's new shop (which he moved out of our house last week) in our small town, or see pics of him on FB with his new friends (incl. a mutual friend he admitted being "into"). I feel like he doesn't deserve any of the things that come with being committed to your partner and family.

At the same time, I feel like calling him, having him over, and making love. Trying to make it all better.

What a roller coaster. I'm shaking with the intensity of it all.

Orpheus - Dolly?
1 - 2 of 53 Posts
Not open for further replies.