Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I want to be sure I'm not doing rug-sweeping, so I'm checking in with you all.

So, D-day was 1 week and 2 days ago. The first three days I was basically catatonic with bouts of extreme panic and sobbing. Then my H left for a business trip and my MIL came to help me take care of my two little kids. Gradually I feel like I have re-entered my body a little bit. Sometimes things feel okay. Sometimes I am okay.

Is that ridiculously soon? I mean, I know we have a lot of work ahead, but I've been doing all the right things: IC and meds for me, MC scheduled for when he gets back, calling on carefully selected supportive family/friends, reading the Shirley Glass book, etc.

I know everyone's path is different, but I'm just suspicious of my own progress. Has anyone been on a similar track?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
You will have roller coaster moments for some time. You will feel good, then something might trigger & you will be crying & angry again. Don't think of those times as a set back, but part of the process.
You may feel different again when your H comes back, if you expect to have fluctuating emotions, you won't feel so surprised when they come,
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
You will have roller coaster moments for some time. You will feel good, then something might trigger & you will be crying & angry again. Don't think of those times as a set back, but part of the process.
You may feel different again when your H comes back, if you expect to have fluctuating emotions, you won't feel so surprised when they come,
Thanks. This is good advice.

I guess I'm trying to say that even though things have been erratic, there is an overall pattern of chilling out that's happening and I wanted to check in on that. It seems too soon to not be a broken heap of tears on the floor 24/7, but maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
149 Posts
While I'm glad that you're feeling better, and moving on, a week is very early. Can't really add more than Bella did, but just know that one little thing can make feelings swing. Very abruptly and out of the blue. Sadness can strike, or anger can, at any given moment, so don't be surprised if it does happen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I would say yes, only because I did exactly the same thing. It was so funny, especially now,looking back... I almost forgave him within 1 month...stupid...see, I was going through the grieving process and part of that process is the denial phase and I went through it for about 2 months. So, yes, it is too quick...but only because you are in shock and with D day and shock and grieving, comes denial...then and only then will you be able to start healing, but denial is part of it that cannot be denied...it's embarrassing...I even told people such ridiculous things...so forgiving and understanding too quickly...all that takes a lot of time.
This is a really good point. Thanks. Luckily I haven't said anything about forgiveness. Every now and then I think I have it in my heart but most of the time I don't. Not yet, anyway.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
877 Posts
you are very early into this. I would say your still in shock, You have so much to deal with still. Your emotions are going to be all over the place. It's way to early forgive...
how was it discovered? hows he behaving?
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
you are very early into this. I would say your still in shock, You have so much to deal with still. Your emotions are going to be all over the place. It's way to early forgive...
how was it discovered? hows he behaving?
Posted via Mobile Device
I discovered it accidentally, but he says he was relieved that I had (and in fact said he wished I found out sooner).

He is miserable, sorry, feels awful, cries, etc.

Maybe I am still in shock. I'm probably numb rather than well adjusted.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
I found out by accident and husband did everything right and has been wonderful ever since, but now after 4 months, I'm out of shock finally and into anger. I so wanted to skip this phase and totally didn't expect it. It's awful. The roller-coaster part is an understatement! I think in the beginning when you know you want to reconcile, you do everything possible to make it work and keep him. I still want to do that, but I am having a hard time keeping emotions in check. I am now obsessing over details, going over the calendar for the past 4 years and driving myself crazy. It doesn't matter now, but the reality of it is hitting me hard. Hang in there!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,291 Posts
I suggest you read the newbies link, first.

Visit your doctor.

Take a good care of yourself and two kids.

I know that pain is hard. And eventually all the things will settle down. Till then, pray and stay strong. For you and for your kids.

This is not the END.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
918 Posts
9 days in I was thinking it could work out; I felt the beginnings of forgiveness and that we could get through it.

I had to go away for 2 weeks and that caused problems - although they were indicative of a lack of real remorse (despite tears, hysterical apologies and begging from my stbxw) which would eventually sink our reconciliation after 6 months.

Either way, your feelings are akin to mine at that stage.

This takes a *lot* of time and expect further strong feelings down the line; anger, grief, disbelief.

Good luck and keep us updated.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
141 Posts
For me
It came and went and 3 months after, it came back even harder than D Day.

a month out, I felt really good and I Said "I think I am over it"
2 weeks later I wanted to hang myself.

Every time I felt good, I would say OK, this time im done w/ the pain, I am on the mend, I am headed in the right direction. Then there would be a trigger or sometimes no trigger. I would get really depressed.

I probably told her on 12 different occasions "I am going to stay with you and I am going to make this work" I also probably told her twice as many times to Get the F out and go find an attorney.

All of that was even after I thought I was "over it".

I am not trying to scare you at all. Maybe just prepare you a little. Maybe you are super strong and this will be it for you but if not, don't try and predict the future. I messed her head up so many times by telling her what I was going to do and then the emotions would shift and I would say something opposite.

One day at a time... He11, one moment at a time. Take them each as they come and don't make any big decisions. I am 5 months out and still waiting for my head to clear so I can decide what the future is going to be. Until that happens, I am not going to try and predict the future. It will be what it will be and I will know what to do when this emotional roller coaster slows down.

Again, not trying to hijack your thread or guess how you will feel but just giving you a little insight to how tricky this can all be. It is not unusual to feel ok that early in. Perhaps you are exhausted from dealing with it and your mind is taking a break and in comparison, that break feels good. The is sort of how I look back on the times when I felt good.

My thread:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/57247-she-cheated-i-hate-my-life.html
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
191 Posts
Your mind is just protecting itself from shutdown,
Like a comp that gets to hot. Depression and anxiety and heartbreak can overwhelm you eventually,
your feeling ok moments will help u get through this.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top