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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband has a buddy who is recently seperated and he and another work buddy went out to celebrate his birthday. I told my husband I wasn't comfortable with him going because the man was newly seperated and I didnt want my husband to get influenced because this group is known to go to strip clubs etc. Now it is 3:30 am and bars close 1 or maybe 2am I am so disappointed and I feel he took advantage of my kind nature and let him go because I was tired this evening. Now it is going on 4am and I am ready to climb out of my skin I am so angry and disappointed. Opinions? He has pushed my limit yet again!!!
 

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Isn't he contactable? If not - there's no excuse for that. This is a rule that my wife and I had before marriage actually and it carried on onto marriage. One of our good traits rather.

Still, my wife HATES it when I go for my wilderness rides however - cause I end up in places with no reception so I can lose myself hehe. I compromised by calling her whenever I get reception back otherwise she'll worry too much, which doesn't last longer than an hour or so.

I would say you need to have a chat with your husband about this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I bbm'ed him at 3am and he just messaged me back at 3:40 saying he is on his way. He says he closed the bar at 2 so why is he going to be home at 4? He said he drove his buddy home blah blah blah so that gets him to 2:30 so why did he leave his friends house at 3:30? The point is he knew I wasnt crazy about him going. He takes advantage of me!!!! He has an hour to explain to me when he gets home. Its cruel I dont do this to him.
 

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Well, you can let him explain, he needs to. Try to calm down though yeah? Just listen and observe, pretend to believe him, look for the cracks when he's less conscious of his words. Though of course he may slip more often when he's more tense - your choice, you know your husband. Extract the truth outta him.

Regardless, you two need to have a talk about this.
 

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In all probability, he and his friends were just having a natter together. Guys say that women can talk but, IME, men aren't that much different.

However, your H is a married man and has to realize that he isn't free to party until the wee hours with his single friends, and strip clubs should definitely be out of the equation.

Talk to him as calmly as possible, OP, and set some firm boundaries for the future.
 

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I have been in your shoes and feel your pain. I totally agree with twofaces.
 

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In all probability, he and his friends were just having a natter together. Guys say that women can talk but, IME, men aren't that much different.

However, your H is a married man and has to realize that he isn't free to party until the wee hours with his single friends, and strip clubs should definitely be out of the equation.

Talk to him as calmly as possible, OP, and set some firm boundaries for the future.
It's very inconsiderate of him, but I have to agree with cosmos. Guys can talk.... Especially since the one just went through separation. It's entirely likely that a few drinks loosened up his buddy, and the guy started opening up about what he it's going through. Time can slip away in situations like that. I've had a conversation or three that were so engrossing that when I looked at the clock, I was astounded at how many hours had gone by.
 

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is this common ar is this just a one time deal. if its not common i wouldnt worry so much. so he blew it out a little, let off some party steam, you dont think there is any more to it do ya?

i would be pizzed at my wife for doing it, yeah, but i would get over it if it wasnt a regular thing
 

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Well if the bars are closed than there is only one other place he could be. Either eating fast food somewhere or he is at someones house

oh what about night clubs?
 

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In all probability, he and his friends were just having a natter together. Guys say that women can talk but, IME, men aren't that much different.

However, your H is a married man and has to realize that he isn't free to party until the wee hours with his single friends, and strip clubs should definitely be out of the equation.

Talk to him as calmly as possible, OP, and set some firm boundaries for the future.
Why is that ? I don't know what they are like on your side of the pond, but they are actually the safest place to send your husband. It is fairly guaranteed he will not be leaving with any female companion. Can't say that about a regular bar or even a bowling alley.
 

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It's very inconsiderate of him, but I have to agree with cosmos. Guys can talk.... Especially since the one just went through separation. It's entirely likely that a few drinks loosened up his buddy, and the guy started opening up about what he it's going through. Time can slip away in situations like that. I've had a conversation or three that were so engrossing that when I looked at the clock, I was astounded at how many hours had gone by.
Yea -- if this isn't something he does all the time, then I'd cut him some slack. IME, guys blab just as much -- and oftentimes MORE -- than women do. It could very well be he's just being a good friend to his buddy, and listening to him at a time when his friend needs it most. I think you'd appreciate a friend to "be there" for you if the need ever arose. :)

Why is that ? I don't know what they are like on your side of the pond, but they are actually the safest place to send your husband. It is fairly guaranteed he will not be leaving with any female companion. Can't say that about a regular bar or even a bowling alley.
Well, hopefully you didn't marry a man who would actually have relations with a stripper. It would likely cost him a fortune if he tried to! I agree that a strip club is actually a safe place for him to be with his buddy. And don't forget -- his buddy is going through a very tough time right now. I wouldn't let the setting bother you too much. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Yes apparently he and the guys closed the bar at 2:15 he was the DD so he had 1 beer while the others drank alot. He drove them back to a friends house where they had start...went in for another 45 min and then he left...leaving his three friends there. I asked why he couldnt have dropped friends off after the bar closed and then come home...he says they all wanted him to go into the house for more talks and drinks.... of which he had a half of a beer....just a really late night i want to believe him...just too late for my liking and something i wouldnt do to him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
its kinda like me going out now and buying a $500 purse it would set him off if you know what I mean....boundaries that you have with eachother that shouldnt be crossed
 

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I would believe him. As other guys have said, I've been there with friends going through rough times. Sometimes guys don't want to check in with the wife as you can be teased pretty badly. Obviously, that's no excuse and he should have called to check in. I'm guessing he will if there is a next time.
 

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My husband has a buddy who is recently seperated and he and another work buddy went out to celebrate his birthday. I told my husband I wasn't comfortable with him going because the man was newly seperated and I didnt want my husband to get influenced because this group is known to go to strip clubs etc. Now it is 3:30 am and bars close 1 or maybe 2am I am so disappointed and I feel he took advantage of my kind nature and let him go because I was tired this evening. Now it is going on 4am and I am ready to climb out of my skin I am so angry and disappointed. Opinions? He has pushed my limit yet again!!!
Is there a history here of cheating? Do you have cause to be suspicious? Red flags? Signs?

As far as the general question about being out late, that totally depends on the marriage. There are no fast, and hard, "rules". I can stay out as late as I want, and my wife has the same freedom. We just have to let one another know, so the other isn't worried. So the idea of one of us "letting" the other go out till 3:30 in the morning doesn't exist for us.

But others marriages are different. Was this established before, that you'd both avoid staying out late? Or did you just assume that married people aren't "suppose" to stay out late, and assumed your husband just knew that?
 
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