[golfergirl]

We aren't in conflict at the moment - but I was just reading about a wife who fights dirty and someone said to OP, refuse to fight with her. That's a skill I never learned so please help!
I try to leave room or house, I either leave kids behind and am told I'm a bad mom for 'abandoning children' and the taunts continue.
Or I leave and take kids with me and I will 'never take HIS children away from him again!'. And the fight continues.
I'll get called every name in the book and I ignore it to be told that I don't care because I'm not responding.
Reasoning is useless - it gets twisted or the accusations are so ridiculous I will not respond (such as I must be having an affair because I went at 9:00PM to ICU to say goodnight to my gravely ill son for 20 minutes. Who am I having an affair with? The coma patients??)
If I respond with a 'go ahead and leave' when he threatens to leave, oh he leaves for 10 minutes and comes back even more fueled because I didn't care enough to stop him.
I think you're getting the picture.
How does someone not engage in fight without being dismissive and fueling fight?
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[Samayouchan]

I know all couples fight, and if they DONT imo someones not saying something they want to say, lol. But when these fights appear, ive learned its best to walk off, let everyone chill out and cool their head, and then mostly be the better person and say im sorry we argued but i want to get past it. let's talk about it calmly and see if we can come to a common ground on what the argument was about.

My husband would get mad at a lamp post if it would argue back some days, and i remind him of that by just being the bigger adult and just say, 'ok i'm done fighting' and walk off. by the time the smoke has cleared and everyones cooled off generally i think people will think straight. ^^

 

[Why Not Be Happy?]

GG: You are going through a lot right now. Has this been going on before your son's accident? It is an extremely tough and stressful time for all of you. Make sure you try to communicate with him and let him know how much you care about him too.

 

[WalterWhite]

The thing to strive for is discussion. Problem solving. Discussions that are helpful, with the good faith belief from both parties, that the intent is to resolve, clarify, come to a peaceful resolution.

Anything else is bickering. Bickering is not about finding resolve. It's about reacting out of hurt, or inflicting hurt.

When a discussion morphs into bickering, then the meeting should be ended. Perhaps another attempt can be tried later, after cooler heads have prevailed, and time for introspection has passed.

People learn how to discuss from their families of origin. For some, fighting is about jabbing, word games, mind games, verbal traps, and has nothing to do with resolving, problem solving.

You can often guess the chances that a marriage will break by how a couple argue. That speaks volumes! It is how couples resolve their differences that best determines if they can be happy together (sustainably).

When bickering starts, time to end things.

If bickering is the normal way arguments happen, then it might be time for divorce. Try counseling first, though...but know it is so hard for peopel to change how they argue, if they have a pattern of bickering and acrimony...change is rare.

 

[WalterWhite]

I know all couples fight, and if they DONT imo someones not saying something they want to say, lol. But when these fights appear, ive learned its best to walk off, let everyone chill out and cool their head, and then mostly be the better person and say im sorry we argued but i want to get past it. let's talk about it calmly and see if we can come to a common ground on what the argument was about.

My husband would get mad at a lamp post if it would argue back some days, and i remind him of that by just being the bigger adult and just say, 'ok i'm done fighting' and walk off. by the time the smoke has cleared and everyones cooled off generally i think people will think straight. ^^

I agree with what you wrote, but on the other extreme, there are people that perceive any discussion as "fighting", even frank constructive respectful dialog causes these types to say "hey let it go, lets stop fighting".

The result is a false peace. Sure the talking is over, but is there really peace? NO, there never truly is because the causes of the discussion are still there; nothing has changed.

These types are adverse to any exchange between them and their SO, so they limp along from false peace to false peace, until the immense number of unresolved issues finally sink their relationship.

I think those that are prone to bickering are no worse then those that are adverse to discussion. Both extremes need to be avoided.