^^This is what would motivate me to start a full-on investigation as to whether or not he is cheating. I mean, he's being mean and abusive to you. You're not sure what is motivating him to behave this way, he won't tell you, so why don't you look into this to determine if there is another woman????he is absolutely incapable of anything resembling emotion unless it's anger.
YES to the trapped. I know he has said in the past that he feels that way, so that is definitely a possibility.Well keep your chin up. You are handling this your way. I do think you need to do some kind of snooping. But it is completely possible he isn't cheating but just feeling trapped or unhappy with life. It is not ok for him to be taking this out on you.
I think I'd be tempt to EVERY single time he treats you poorly just look at him and say I will not be treated this way. Then state what it is he is doing like being overly critical, cussing, trying to place blame. tone of voice or what have you. Then leave. You can leave the room or the house. Middle of making dinner doesn't matter. Just remove yourself.
If it was close to bedtime go to the bedroom and lock the door. When he wants in say 'no I don't think we should be in the same room and I'm in this one you need to choose another.'
So are you suggesting that I use the phrase "I feel" or not? Sorry, I'm having trouble following. He does not appear concerned about my emotions AT ALL. I sat with my son in the ER the other night till 3am and not one time did my husband ask me how I was holding up. He didn't hug me, he did NOTHING but bring some items we asked for up to the hospital and then tell me I should get some sleep when I got home. He's concerned about our son, keeps asking me if I have had any updates, but not once has he inquired about me. (granted, I haven't asked how he's doing either)Don’t stop talking to him. Whatever the reason is, talking will at least make him not forget that you are there. The key is to not make accusations. Using “I feel” statements puts the ball in his court. If he’s depressed it will show him that you care and may help him to eventually open up. If it’s something else then he will know you are aware of changes in his behavior and it will force him to remember that you have feelings. Maybe that will force him to be honest with you.
UM. NO. NEVER. I always remove myself from situations that could lead down that path. I never want to cheat, therefore I am careful about the situations I put myself in. His first wife cheated on him, and that has been a big thorn in our marriage that we have had to deal with the fallout of.Are you cheating on him?
Why am I not setting boundaries and Why am I accepting being treated as if I am of so little value?Ok...I definitely understand, and I think you SHOULD mull that over and find an answer...I will get back to you about it...
YES, that's my plan and that's what I'm doing. I am living my life, meeting up with my friends, planning weekend trips without him. I do feel like I owe our marriage some time to go through rough patches, no relationship is always rosy, but I can't imagine I would put up with this for years either... it started in March and then really started getting worse in April, and I'm already struggling with waiting and being patient.If he wouldn’t treat your daughter as badly as he currently treats you that tells you he’s looking for excuses to be angry with you. He’s the only one who knows why that is and he’s likely not going to tell you so that leaves you waiting and watching. In limbo. He’s probably trying to decide what it is he wants to do with his life. Hopefully, this won’t take years (it unfortunately does with some). In the meantime, live your life.
I thought about this. But he said there was nothing I could do to "fix" what was wrong right now.Marriesnatlanta hit on what I have been wondering. Does he maybe think you are cheating when he is out on the road and he's doing the 180 no you?
You need to understand, that if cheating is not a dealbreaker for you… Not sure why in the world that would be, but whatever… That it will be a greenlight for him to be a serial cheater, and he will do this to you for the rest of your life because you let him. He already brought others into your marriage previously, so you have already set that precedent. Is that the kind of husband you think you deserve?
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Why are you here....?
I am showing my daughter not to throw in the towel right away on a marriage and life built together over 24 years. His bad behavior has only been around the last 4 months give or take... (I mean, we weren't perfect before, and we used to bicker about stupid stuff, but the past several years have been on a high note, I thought)At this point you are training your daughter to stay with a man when he treats the wife like dirt. That’s the example you are showing her.
Since you don’t like the way he’s disrespecting you - a better example to set for your daughter would be to end the marriage when a spouse disrespects you and stops honoring you.
have an honest conversation with him and let him know he’s harming the whole family with his crappy attitude toward you - and you aren’t gonna take his crappy attitude anymore!
work with that counselor to learn what a healthy boundary looks like.
Thanks for asking about my son. He called yesterday and sounded much better vs. Friday when he called. I handed the phone around to my husband and daughter so they could say Hi etc.So how is your son doing? Are you allowed to see him now?
Once visits are allowed, suggest your H goes and sees him alone. Let him do some of the lifting in the family. Maybe you handle it all so well he feels like you don't need him.
He is definitely involved in an affair or considering a way out of the marriage though, his behavior all points to one or both.
Stop being so damn available and so apologetic too, (it comes across in your posts). You have to put on your big girl panties and stop worrying about your pain in the ass H, what he thinks, what is bothering him, how he is mean, etc. We told you already if you don't want to piss, get off the pot and investigate. You don't want to do anything suggested here and you are not doing the 180 as you are still very wrapped up in him, what he thinks, says, etc. If you were doing the 180 you would not be engaging with him at all, worried about how he treats you etc. You have decided to go on your own path, so be it.
I care if he's tracking my car because how the hell can I be unpredictable and mysterious and vague if he knows exactly where I am all the time?It’s really odd you are always on the defense with him. Who cares if he tracks your car? Why aren’t YOU tracking HIM? It’s HIS behavior that’s changed!
you’re so busy in the defense mode - that you haven’t even considered what actions you could be implementing to be in a more proactive/offense position.
you’re going to have to help yourself... he’s not going to magically change because you’re being too passive!
You are correct.If you want this situation to change - it’s going to have to be you who changes it.
either approach him head on with calling out his unacceptable behavior or decide you aren’t going to live with his demeanor anymore.
in the end it’s just not right that you and your daughter are living with his bad attitude that makes it necessary to assess everything he’s doing and saying because you two are afraid to call it what it is - really bad treatment from him. I’d tell him it’s got to stop now or it ends the relationship completely.
hopefully you’ll help him understand it’s just not right to treat you so badly.