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Discussion Starter #201
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I completely understand why you were reluctant to leave town.
I am glad to hear you were able to get out and walk with your friend.

Some people have trouble with lots of emotionally taxing things perhaps between your son and your mother your husband just doesn't know how to deal. It is sad but some people just don't have the depth to handle it.
Thank you.

Seems like that is the case, he is absolutely incapable of anything resembling emotion unless it's anger.
I on the other hand, am handling everything like a total badass if I do say so.
Hopefully I can continue to hang on to my sanity and resolve. Got more bad news, my Aunt passed away this morning.
2020 - the gift that keeps giving.
 

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Discussion Starter #202
Oh my gosh how horrible for your son and for you--for everyone. I'm really sorry to hear this.

I'm hoping for better days ahead for the both of you.
Thank you, he's such a good person, so many people love him, he's accomplished a lot and yet he's struggling. I HATE that he's so miserable, and wish I could fix it. It break's this Mom's heart that he suffers so. I hope he is in a place that can show him how to help himself and accept help.
 

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o stepkids, grandkids
Thank you, he's such a good person, so many people love him, he's accomplished a lot and yet he's struggling. I HATE that he's so miserable, and wish I could fix it. It break's this Mom's heart that he suffers so. I hope he is in a place that can show him how to help himself and accept help.
He is blessed to have you as a mum. Hugs.
 

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Discussion Starter #205
Oh no! I'm sorry about your aunt passing. 2020 can go to hell.
RIGHT?!?...This year has been pretty hard on me, not because I am having a hard time with the craziness, but because it seems like those around me are struggling so much, and then you just top it off with "normal" crap, I mean life. My Aunt had been battling cancer for 8 years, so it was not a surprise, but still, I count myself lucky that I was one of the people she cared about. She always had good advice and was such an amazing person. I know my cousins and their families are hurting...that's the kicker.
 

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Discussion Starter #206
Update, sorry, lots of rambling:
Dropped off some clothes for my son but was unable to see him.
Spent yesterday running errands, went for a 5 mile walk by the river and enjoyed Mother Nature.
Thought about a lot of things.

Husband has been a little less distant. It's almost like he falls back into habits formed over YEARs of being together and then catches himself and gets angry. It's like he's mad at our comfortableness? Or maybe his own. He's mad at where he is in life right now and how he spends his time? I know that sounds crazy, but perhaps part of that is also being mad about where and who we are as a couple? Clearly, he hasn't actually TOLD me this, it's just a gut feeling. What makes it even worse is that we are where we are mostly because our personalities. He is opinionated and I am easy going. He is confrontational, and I am not.

Last night he was back to being angry and finding me irritating. I could just tell without even having to hear words, it was in his body language. Mind you, I had been gone all day doing my own thing, I refused to be around the house. My daughter came over for dinner, and had brought her dog along, and had fed her dog and left the empty dog food container on the counter. He was cooking, and thought I was the one who left the container on the counter, and angrily cussed about how disgusting it was bla bla bla. My daughter told him, "Oh, that was me, I left it there."

ALL OF US KNEW that he thought it was me, and that's why his reaction was to be a complete asshole. WE ALL KNEW for a fact, he would not have talked that way if he knew it was her.

This makes me angry. It hurts my feelings, but it also makes me angry.

Same thing happened last week now that I recall. I was making dinner, and chose a specific type of noodle based on the fact that it is his favorite, except the damn box was mislabeled or something, and a different type of noodle ended up in the boiling water. Too late to fix! LOL. He *****ed about the type of noodle, and we (daughter and I) explained what had happened, must have been a mishap at the factory.

Last night as he's making dinner, guess what, same brand, same issue and he says, Must be an issue at the factory, like he was FINALLY FACED WITH THE FACT THAT IT WASN'T ME WHO CHOSE THE "WRONG" PASTA SIZE. My daughter, bless her heart, brought it up too, she said, that's what happened to Mom last week. I think she's getting pretty disappointed in him too. That's a shame, his anger isn't directed at her, but she's starting to see it and getting defensive of me.

That makes me sad. That's a tough place for her to be in.

He's such an ASSHAT. By the time he figures his crap out, I'll be so fed up to my eyeballs with the stupidity of it all. If he would only go get some help or talk to someone.

Sorry this got long. LOL
 

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Update, sorry, lots of rambling:
Dropped off some clothes for my son but was unable to see him.
Spent yesterday running errands, went for a 5 mile walk by the river and enjoyed Mother Nature.
Thought about a lot of things.

Husband has been a little less distant. It's almost like he falls back into habits formed over YEARs of being together and then catches himself and gets angry. It's like he's mad at our comfortableness? Or maybe his own. He's mad at where he is in life right now and how he spends his time? I know that sounds crazy, but perhaps part of that is also being mad about where and who we are as a couple? Clearly, he hasn't actually TOLD me this, it's just a gut feeling. What makes it even worse is that we are where we are mostly because our personalities. He is opinionated and I am easy going. He is confrontational, and I am not.

Last night he was back to being angry and finding me irritating. I could just tell without even having to hear words, it was in his body language. Mind you, I had been gone all day doing my own thing, I refused to be around the house. My daughter came over for dinner, and had brought her dog along, and had fed her dog and left the empty dog food container on the counter. He was cooking, and thought I was the one who left the container on the counter, and angrily cussed about how disgusting it was bla bla bla. My daughter told him, "Oh, that was me, I left it there."

ALL OF US KNEW that he thought it was me, and that's why his reaction was to be a complete asshole. WE ALL KNEW for a fact, he would not have talked that way if he knew it was her.

This makes me angry. It hurts my feelings, but it also makes me angry.

Same thing happened last week now that I recall. I was making dinner, and chose a specific type of noodle based on the fact that it is his favorite, except the damn box was mislabeled or something, and a different type of noodle ended up in the boiling water. Too late to fix! LOL. He *****ed about the type of noodle, and we (daughter and I) explained what had happened, must have been a mishap at the factory.

Last night as he's making dinner, guess what, same brand, same issue and he says, Must be an issue at the factory, like he was FINALLY FACED WITH THE FACT THAT IT WASN'T ME WHO CHOSE THE "WRONG" PASTA SIZE. My daughter, bless her heart, brought it up too, she said, that's what happened to Mom last week. I think she's getting pretty disappointed in him too. That's a shame, his anger isn't directed at her, but she's starting to see it and getting defensive of me.

That makes me sad. That's a tough place for her to be in.

He's such an ASSHAT. By the time he figures his crap out, I'll be so fed up to my eyeballs with the stupidity of it all. If he would only go get some help or talk to someone.

Sorry this got long. LOL
What a terrible way to be treated...how hateful and unfair!!!
Let me ask you...what would it be like to have a true, loving partner...what would it feel like in your life...? Do you even remember how it felt when your husband treated you like you were special to him (IF he ever did)...? Why do you think you aren't advocating for yourself more - like setting boundaries with actual consequences around how you will be treated...WHAT is stopping you from rejecting anyone who refuses to treat you like you have any value...??
 

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Discussion Starter #208
What a terrible way to be treated...how hateful and unfair!!!
Let me ask you...what would it be like to have a true, loving partner...what would it feel like in your life...? Do you even remember how it felt when your husband treated you like you were special to him (IF he ever did)...? Why do you think you aren't advocating for yourself more - like setting boundaries with actual consequences around how you will be treated...WHAT is stopping you from rejecting anyone who refuses to treat you like you have any value...??
I do remember how it feels when he treats me like I am special, that's why I chose him all those years ago, and he's treated me that way for the majority of our marriage.

I can't answer the boundaries and consequences question. I need to mull that one over a bit.
 

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I do remember how it feels when he treats me like I am special, that's why I chose him all those years ago, and he's treated me that way for the majority of our marriage.

I can't answer the boundaries and consequences question. I need to mull that one over a bit.
Ok...I definitely understand, and I think you SHOULD mull that over and find an answer...I will get back to you about it...;)
 

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Update, sorry, lots of rambling:
Dropped off some clothes for my son but was unable to see him.
Spent yesterday running errands, went for a 5 mile walk by the river and enjoyed Mother Nature.
Thought about a lot of things.

Husband has been a little less distant. It's almost like he falls back into habits formed over YEARs of being together and then catches himself and gets angry. It's like he's mad at our comfortableness? Or maybe his own. He's mad at where he is in life right now and how he spends his time? I know that sounds crazy, but perhaps part of that is also being mad about where and who we are as a couple? Clearly, he hasn't actually TOLD me this, it's just a gut feeling. What makes it even worse is that we are where we are mostly because our personalities. He is opinionated and I am easy going. He is confrontational, and I am not.

Last night he was back to being angry and finding me irritating. I could just tell without even having to hear words, it was in his body language. Mind you, I had been gone all day doing my own thing, I refused to be around the house. My daughter came over for dinner, and had brought her dog along, and had fed her dog and left the empty dog food container on the counter. He was cooking, and thought I was the one who left the container on the counter, and angrily cussed about how disgusting it was bla bla bla. My daughter told him, "Oh, that was me, I left it there."

ALL OF US KNEW that he thought it was me, and that's why his reaction was to be a complete asshole. WE ALL KNEW for a fact, he would not have talked that way if he knew it was her.

This makes me angry. It hurts my feelings, but it also makes me angry.

Same thing happened last week now that I recall. I was making dinner, and chose a specific type of noodle based on the fact that it is his favorite, except the damn box was mislabeled or something, and a different type of noodle ended up in the boiling water. Too late to fix! LOL. He *****ed about the type of noodle, and we (daughter and I) explained what had happened, must have been a mishap at the factory.

Last night as he's making dinner, guess what, same brand, same issue and he says, Must be an issue at the factory, like he was FINALLY FACED WITH THE FACT THAT IT WASN'T ME WHO CHOSE THE "WRONG" PASTA SIZE. My daughter, bless her heart, brought it up too, she said, that's what happened to Mom last week. I think she's getting pretty disappointed in him too. That's a shame, his anger isn't directed at her, but she's starting to see it and getting defensive of me.

That makes me sad. That's a tough place for her to be in.

He's such an ASSHAT. By the time he figures his crap out, I'll be so fed up to my eyeballs with the stupidity of it all. If he would only go get some help or talk to someone.

Sorry this got long. LOL
I am late to the party....but have you not actually figured out he is cheating on you? And you seem to be grasping at straws? Get his phone or phone record. Turn off your GPS on your phone to keep him in the dark. Obviously he wants to KNOW where you are, when you are leaving etc....lastly - ask him “When did you start cheating on me?” Not IF. It is not a YES or NO type of question. His answer will tell you everything you need to know. Even if you don’t know - he doesn’t know that. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #211
I am late to the party....but have you not actually figured out he is cheating on you? And you seem to be grasping at straws? Get his phone or phone record. Turn off your GPS on your phone to keep him in the dark. Obviously he wants to KNOW where you are, when you are leaving etc....lastly - ask him “When did you start cheating on me?” Not IF. It is not a YES or NO type of question. His answer will tell you everything you need to know. Even if you don’t know - he doesn’t know that. Good luck.
Yeah, you are late to the party, but that's OK, I appreciate your input.

I'm not at the snooping stage, I may never get there, since I'm not sure cheating is a deal breaker or not.
Plus, he does not seem to care knowing my whereabouts, in fact, he seems rather complacent.
When he realized that I had gone somewhere else the other day but not told him, and the whole time he had assumed I was at work, that seemed to give him a pause. LOL
 

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Well keep your chin up. You are handling this your way. I do think you need to do some kind of snooping. But it is completely possible he isn't cheating but just feeling trapped or unhappy with life. It is not ok for him to be taking this out on you.

I think I'd be tempt to EVERY single time he treats you poorly just look at him and say I will not be treated this way. Then state what it is he is doing like being overly critical, cussing, trying to place blame. tone of voice or what have you. Then leave. You can leave the room or the house. Middle of making dinner doesn't matter. Just remove yourself.

If it was close to bedtime go to the bedroom and lock the door. When he wants in say 'no I don't think we should be in the same room and I'm in this one you need to choose another.'
 

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You have to stop asking him anything or begging for his attention.
Don’t stop talking to him. Whatever the reason is, talking will at least make him not forget that you are there. The key is to not make accusations. Using “I feel” statements puts the ball in his court. If he’s depressed it will show him that you care and may help him to eventually open up. If it’s something else then he will know you are aware of changes in his behavior and it will force him to remember that you have feelings. Maybe that will force him to be honest with you.
 

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Yeah, you are late to the party, but that's OK, I appreciate your input.

I'm not at the snooping stage, I may never get there, since I'm not sure cheating is a deal breaker or not.
Plus, he does not seem to care knowing my whereabouts, in fact, he seems rather complacent.
When he realized that I had gone somewhere else the other day but not told him, and the whole time he had assumed I was at work, that seemed to give him a pause. LOL
Are you cheating on him?
 

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If he wouldn’t treat your daughter as badly as he currently treats you that tells you he’s looking for excuses to be angry with you. He’s the only one who knows why that is and he’s likely not going to tell you so that leaves you waiting and watching. In limbo. He’s probably trying to decide what it is he wants to do with his life. Hopefully, this won’t take years (it unfortunately does with some). In the meantime, live your life.
 

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Marriesnatlanta hit on what I have been wondering. Does he maybe think you are cheating when he is out on the road and he's doing the 180 no you?
 

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Update, sorry, lots of rambling:
Dropped off some clothes for my son but was unable to see him.
Spent yesterday running errands, went for a 5 mile walk by the river and enjoyed Mother Nature.
Thought about a lot of things.

Husband has been a little less distant. It's almost like he falls back into habits formed over YEARs of being together and then catches himself and gets angry. It's like he's mad at our comfortableness? Or maybe his own. He's mad at where he is in life right now and how he spends his time? I know that sounds crazy, but perhaps part of that is also being mad about where and who we are as a couple? Clearly, he hasn't actually TOLD me this, it's just a gut feeling. What makes it even worse is that we are where we are mostly because our personalities. He is opinionated and I am easy going. He is confrontational, and I am not.

Last night he was back to being angry and finding me irritating. I could just tell without even having to hear words, it was in his body language. Mind you, I had been gone all day doing my own thing, I refused to be around the house. My daughter came over for dinner, and had brought her dog along, and had fed her dog and left the empty dog food container on the counter. He was cooking, and thought I was the one who left the container on the counter, and angrily cussed about how disgusting it was bla bla bla. My daughter told him, "Oh, that was me, I left it there."

ALL OF US KNEW that he thought it was me, and that's why his reaction was to be a complete asshole. WE ALL KNEW for a fact, he would not have talked that way if he knew it was her.

This makes me angry. It hurts my feelings, but it also makes me angry.

Same thing happened last week now that I recall. I was making dinner, and chose a specific type of noodle based on the fact that it is his favorite, except the damn box was mislabeled or something, and a different type of noodle ended up in the boiling water. Too late to fix! LOL. He *****ed about the type of noodle, and we (daughter and I) explained what had happened, must have been a mishap at the factory.

Last night as he's making dinner, guess what, same brand, same issue and he says, Must be an issue at the factory, like he was FINALLY FACED WITH THE FACT THAT IT WASN'T ME WHO CHOSE THE "WRONG" PASTA SIZE. My daughter, bless her heart, brought it up too, she said, that's what happened to Mom last week. I think she's getting pretty disappointed in him too. That's a shame, his anger isn't directed at her, but she's starting to see it and getting defensive of me.

That makes me sad. That's a tough place for her to be in.

He's such an ASSHAT. By the time he figures his crap out, I'll be so fed up to my eyeballs with the stupidity of it all. If he would only go get some help or talk to someone.

Sorry this got long. LOL


Sad to day but this is one of the signs of cheating when the WS starts treating you really badly. They do this to make you the bad person to justify their cheating and to alleviate their guilt. You really need to get a PI and VAR and find out what is actually going on. How long are you going to let this go on?
 

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You need to understand, that if cheating is not a dealbreaker for you… Not sure why in the world that would be, but whatever… That it will be a greenlight for him to be a serial cheater, and he will do this to you for the rest of your life because you let him. He already brought others into your marriage previously, so you have already set that precedent. Is that the kind of husband you think you deserve?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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You need to understand, that if cheating is not a dealbreaker for you… Not sure why in the world that would be, but whatever… That it will be a greenlight for him to be a serial cheater, and he will do this to you for the rest of your life because you let him. He already brought others into your marriage previously, so you have already set that precedent. Is that the kind of husband you think you deserve?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
He did??
 

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Yeah, you are late to the party, but that's OK, I appreciate your input.

I'm not at the snooping stage, I may never get there, since I'm not sure cheating is a deal breaker or not.
Plus, he does not seem to care knowing my whereabouts, in fact, he seems rather complacent.
When he realized that I had gone somewhere else the other day but not told him, and the whole time he had assumed I was at work, that seemed to give him a pause. LOL
Why are you here....?
 
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