Is this something or nothing...

1380 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by tobio, Oct 12, 2012

tobio

Discussion Starter · Oct 12, 2012

Earlier today I was driving home from picking up my eldest from after-school club.

As we went round a corner one of the kids remarked, "look! I recognise that van!" It was my husband's van, going the completely opposite way to our house. He was due home in fifteen minutes and he hadn't mentioned having any errands to run so I thought he might be dropping by the shops to pick up something.

I called him when I got home to see where he was. Turned out he was going by the bank before it closed. Fair enough - I'd had a hard day with the kids and really needed a hand so just wanted to know he wasn't planning on being out and about for ages.

He got back not long after. Marched in the kitchen where I was making dinner. Asked what that phone call was about, in a harsh tone. I explained we'd seen him and I was wondering where he was going. "Why?" he said. "Don't you trust me?"

He marched out again and back in a second later. Threw a counter stub on the worktop. "There's the proof. Believe me now?" and walked off.

I was taken aback. Now, my hubz is pretty much a good mood guy. It is very rare he really gets irritated or annoyed that much, especially with me, in that way.

And FWIW, in my mind, I DO trust him actually. As much as I can do. Funnily enough, since his EA, the trust aspect rebuilt before other things. I don't worry about it. It never really gets mentioned because it's not a prominent issue .

He came in later and we had heated words. He was insistent I meant I didn't trust him with making that phone call. I was insistent that was not my motivation at all - I'd simply had a long hard day with the kids and wanted him home to have a hand.

He held out the olive branch so we're on better terms now but him blowing up like that just seemed so out of character for him. Out of the blue. I remember him saying something right before I found out he'd kissed the OW, asking me if I trusted him...

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but it's playing on my mind... Thoughts?

See less See more

Save

Status: Not open for further replies.

1 - 1 of 7 Posts

norajane

· #5 · Oct 12, 2012

One step in rebuilding trust is reaching the point when you are able to give him the benefit of the doubt, like you used to before the EA.

Do you think you can give him the benefit of the doubt on this one? If not, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to tell him that, while you have rebuilt a lot of trust, you still aren't at the point where you can just give him the benefit of the doubt.

And then then tell him that he triggered a memory of a time when he asked if you trusted him when he was being untrustworthy at the time. So now you're wondering about it, even though you weren't wondering before the fight.

Basically, I'm saying be honest and open with him about all of this. Lingering doubts are poisonous, so you just have to address them as they come up. Sure, he might not like having to talk about this again, but it's all the consequences of the EA...no way around it, you just have to work through it step by step.

Save

1 - 1 of 7 Posts

Status: Not open for further replies.

Top Contributors this Month