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i am truly sorry you find yourself in this state MMNG, now is not the time to be thinking about anything or anyone else right now but yourself, healing one self is the most important thing you can do. Please make sure she has no contact with you in this state.
 

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i am truly sorry you find yourself in this state MMNG, now is not the time to be thinking about anything or anyone else right now but yourself, healing one self is the most important thing you can do. Please make sure she has no contact with you in this state.
What he needs to do is have no contact with her, EVER.

You have filed for divorce, Right?
 

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See how you are treating the posters? That’s how you treat your wife. You checked your self in for your own protection and you are showing more anger towards us, than your wife. Take a deep breath and realize your wife’s actions led you to this point.
 

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Discussion Starter #165
Yeah he's over 18. No anger toward you guys and gals, just trying to figure out where I'm at. I have the summer off due to my job so I'm doing some small side work and relaxing as much as possible, doing some work on the house and yard. It's been a great way to vent.
 

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You may not be able to process this at this point. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better. I presume you are on antidepressants. Exercise. Burn off all that excess energy. The endorphin release gives a natural healing balm, and the physical development becomes a nice eye candy.

Looking after yourself is your prime goal at this point.

Do this for you. Put yourself first. It will be your best course of action at this point.
 

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It sounds like your wife is about fifteen years older than him. That’s extremely out of line. No wonder her family jumped on her. Your wife needs mental care. Is she getting it? Are you still separated? It’s hard to advise you not knowing what is true in your thread.
Did you get the two books linked to below?
Does he actually live a long distance away? Did she actually go to see him? What’s real?
 

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WOW! The revelation that the OM is just a kid took me back. My brother was married with 2 kids when his wife (33 yr old) started acting like yours did at home. She moved out, he kept the kids. He eventually found out that she was being physical with the 19 yr old son of a coworker. They divorced and she had a string of lovers who were all 10-15 years younger than her.

Since your STBXW changed immediately after her first in person meeting with this guy you can be sure some heavy flirting went on or possibly some physical contact happened during that meeting. Not sex, but he made a pass and she accepted. Either way she friend zoned you almost immediately. If she is anything like my X sister-in-law, she will do it again if another young man shows any interest in her.

She eventually asked for divorce to explore her new relationship, so give her what she wants. Don't bet your future on a "maybe she changed" or "suddenly she woke up". It sounds more like she got caught and her fantasy man dumped her and she does not like the life she is now left with without your support. Plus, her family is coming down on her and supporting you. Family pressure can make a huge difference in how she acts. Not necessarily how she truly feels. Rolling the dice expecting her to change into a faithful spouse is not worth the risk.

Good for you for seeking individual counselling. Figure out what you want.
 

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Sorry to hear. Well, you can't assume they are sleeping together. In fact, it sounds like he's wondering where all the flirting is going, if anywhere, on that post. But yes, I agree with other it's an emotional affair at least. Guess it's time to do a joint counseling session and get it all out in the open. All her talk about exploring may mean just that....she may feel she missed out on it as some people who marry young to. Wish you the best. Keep us posted.

P.S. Ordinarily I'd be upset with you for snooping, but in this instance, it seems you had reason enough. But if you can't get back to a place of trust, it's over.
 

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Discussion Starter #175
It sounds like your wife is about fifteen years older than him. That’s extremely out of line. No wonder her family jumped on her. Your wife needs mental care. Is she getting it? Are you still separated? It’s hard to advise you not knowing what is true in your thread.
Did you get the two books linked to below?
Does he actually live a long distance away? Did she actually go to see him? What’s real?
The only thing of substance that wasn't true was his age, the amount of children (we have two) and our business (we raise and breed hunting dogs). I was afraid she might wonder onto this sight and find me posting, I'm sure others feel the same at the start. He IS from several states away. No physical contact has ever been had because he came with his parents to meet her, and she hasn't left the state and from the snooping I know he hasn't left his state either, I am not snooping anymore, its for the best considering my mental health at the moment. I actually got his parents involved (very christian people), his parents were outraged and told me they would never accept her into their family and they were so angry with what he did to my family. Yes I snooped, and I snooped well, I'm talking facebook, instagram, texts messages, email, google photos, phone records you name it. Anyway, it's definitely an emotional affair, she admitted to such which is why I kicked her out and she hasn't returned. We are currently seeing a counselor together, if anything it will help me understand what the hell happened in our relationship and how we can improve individually. It's been going pretty good, I feel my moods lifting finally. No I'm not on anything for depression, though I do take a mood stabilizer as of the time I spent in the center. Anyhow, thanks for the continued support. I assume some on here did the forgive thing and are living happily with their spouses again? I just want to exhaust all my options before I go divorcing, I'm a one time sort of guy and I'd like to keep it that way if at all possible.
 

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Is she in therapy????

you need to take ALL social media away from her, permanently

I suggest that you find the dumbest of dumb phones and give it to her! No more phones that can connect to internet!

I’m afraid that you are in for a very long and painful road!!! If this is what you want, then I wish you luck.

Keep a very close eye on her. Since you breed hunting dogs, I assume that you know all about training. that is what you are going to have to do. Keep the ***** on a very short leash!!!!! ANY misbehavior on her part will result in harsh reinforcement (divorce)!!!! Make sure she knows this and understands that even the slightest issue will result in divorce!!!!

Stay strong!!!
 

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The only thing I am have a problem with is the fact the OM is a kid. Bad enough that she had an affair, but with a kid?!?!?!?!
Why a kid, why one wet behind the ears?

He will be one that will do whatever he is told, and he will be manageable.

He will be easy to control.
And, he will adore her, make her feel like a queen, with him as her man-servant.
As long as she delivers up to him.... sex.

Likely, she had an unpleasant time in high school.
And this kid will allow her to rewrite that era.

Or....
When young and still in school, she passed up many opportunities to have sex with boys and young men, and now she wants to make up for it.

When this kid (or another one, later on) wises up and realizes he is 'mostly' her fantasy, he will leave, he will dump her.
Or, when this young man starts to question her thoughts and ways, she will dump him.

This wife hates her present life and wants a redo.
 
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Having sex with a very young person is much easier.
They are usually easy lovers, and not yet critics.

Critical thinking arises from cuts and scratches and burns, and certainly from cruelty.

Most young men and women are still innocent and pliable.

Until...

Until they are not.
 
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