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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hi, I'm new here & looking for advice or opinions as to whether or not I'm going overboard about a situation that's come up with my husband. I'll give some background and then try to explain what happened. We've got married when I was 17 & he was 18 we've been married for 18 years. We have one 6yr old son. My husband has occasionally had issues with lying, for example twice in the last year he's disappeared without telling me where he was or what he was doing. Once it was for 2.5 days & last Saturday it was for 8 hours. He said this last time he was angry about a fight we had, happened to run into one his friends @ the store & went to his house to have a few beers & fell asleep. When he woke up (at 1 or 2am) he used his friends charger because he said his cellphone was dead and he saw all the texts I'd sent him telling him I was worried sick & asking where he was. We've had alot of stress in our marriage, financial & otherwise, we've really grown apart over the past few years, but we'd just recommitted to work on rebuilding our marriage. Years ago he battled a gaming addiction & a couple of year ago he was in treatment for an addiction to prescription pain meds. Aside from that he's an awesome father. He works hard at his job. Other then his two disappearing acts he does not go out, he goes to work & comes home. One other thing that's important to add is that he has a TERRIBLE memory. He forgets conversations, things he needs to do, etc. For instance I could write him a short to do list, he'll put it in his pocket, go off to work & completely forget about it.

So what happened is that a women he works with said her & a group of others want to sponsor a family for Christmas & since we've had such a run of car & financial troubles she wants to choose us. They wanted to give us $400. So he made arrangements Wednesday to meet her at their work to get it from her. When he got home I asked him if he got it & he said no, not yet. I asked what happened & he said he doesn't know. I asked if he spoke with her & he said no. The next day (Thursday) I text him & ask if he'd heard anything. He responds with "I don't know how to tell you this but apparently I did get the money yesterday & I lost it. But I have no recollection of getting it. But I reread the emails between her & I & it looks like I did get it. I'm so sorry, I feel terrible." I was shocked & dumbfounded. When he got home from work I asked how it was possible that he had no memory of getting it? His response was, "you know how my memory is". I suggested that maybe he didn't even meet her, that maybe he forgot & that we should email her to find out what happened. He did not want me to do that because he was worried that she'd think he'd taken the money under false pretenses & possibly call the police. We argued about it for hours. I walked him through his day and he remembered the whole day, except for the middle of the day when he'd made the plans to pick up the money. He didn't remember all the details of the day, just various points. He got very angry at me for not believing him. He kept saying why would I tell you about it if I was going to hide the money from you? Friday morning when I was getting some laundry I found the money in an envelope (thank God). I showed him the envelope & asked him if it sparked any memory, he said no. So, is it possible that he truly did forgot meeting this woman & getting the money? I Just don't even know where to go from here, any advice?
 

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It sounds like he needs to go to a medical professional and get that checked out, because if it's true, that isn't ordinary absent-mindedness. I'm quite absent-minded, but forgetting about the grocery list and forgetting you even met somebody who gave you $400 are two totally different things.
 

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It sounds like he's having blackouts. With his history of pain meds addiction, I would be very concerned.

Time to get him in to see the doc.
 

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I am not a doctor or medical professional, but this sounds a little familiar. My grandfather (years ago, he has since passed) went through a period of time when he would "lose" whole days, as well as other short periods of time. He would tell us he stayed home from work and slept all day, but then we would talk to his co workers and found out he went to work and was 100% normal.

What we found was a serious blood circulation problem and his heart was not pumping enough blood to his brain. He had heart surgery and had a pace maker put in and he was fine for another 20 years. In the end, cancer got him and it had nothing to do with his heart condition.

As I was reading your post, I judged your husband as a lying addict and probably just took the money for pain meds. After you explained that you found the money and he still had no memory of it, I got very concerned for you and his well being. I'd get him to a doctor immediately!!
 

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I work with a guy just like this. I wouldn't believe your husband for a second if I haven't met this guy from work.
He just turned 40 and this guy forgets everything. We could be on a job all day and then the very next day have to go to
to the same location, it was if he was never there. His wife is at her wits end with him. He is truly a really good person but
he has no memory of things. The only thing this guy knows is the bible. Nothing else.
I believe your husband. He should see his doctor.
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I agree with everyone that your H should see a medical doctor ASAP. There are several medical problems that can cause such memory loss. If he has blockage of a carotid artery, for example, he could get such forgetfulness (due to reduced bloodflow to the brain) and be at constant risk of a stroke.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you so much everyone. I'd brought up him going to the Dr.because it's such an unusual thing & initially he refused because he said this is the first time anything like this has happened. But I think after he reads this & sees that I'm not just an overprotective, overreacting wife he'll take going in more seriously. Thank you again everyone, I was in search of a place to interact with & get advice from others (I'm a stay @home mom & don't see other adults much) and it looks like this is a great place.
 
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