Update-I had to get out of the house Friday after all the courthouse stuff. Returned home, she was gone. She came in about 4:30 AM. Been here all weekend. We do not talk much at all, I try to stay away from her the best I can. Do I want to? No but I made three attempts, the night of the big talk, about a week later and I guess one more week later to work on this. The last attempt was in letter form and that is when she first agreed on the D. She started bagging up a few things but was "in no hurry at all." She spent last night looking through her mother's old pictures of her, siblings, etc. Today she started cleaning out a couple desks and the room where her mom stayed-she lived with us till she died.
I'm not big on organized religion but do believe in God. I have prayed about this. I don't mind riding the storm out but I will not be walked on. If she came to me and wanted to talk, I would love to but....I would make MC and IC a must or I would decline the talk. All that would do is maybe band aid it for a few months.
We argued some, not as much as most. We got along great. We just had trouble communicating and there were several unresolved conflicts that were of high priority that were rug swept. We have not kissed or hugged in about a month. She spurned my attempt to kiss her about 4 weeks ago and I have not tried since.
She takes clothes and puts them in her trunk, and returns early before work to shower, etc every other day. This started the week of Thanksgiving. But weekends....almost always here. If I have to wait until right before it is final for her to maybe get a reality check, I am willing. I don't want the D but when she wanted freedom, wanted out, being miserable....I called her hand right then. I know not letting her son come back home is part of the issue (she kicked him out two years ago, he is 23 now, no job, not attempt to, thinks world should all smoke weed and party). But what she forgets, I raised him as my own when we married, he was 7. I know it hurt her more kicking him out but I guess she failed to think it bothered me too. He was a great kid up until a couple years ago. When we married I wanted a child and she was aware. Health issues etc it did not come to be. I was very upset about this but....I still loved her and accepted it.
There were a number of things I did for her around the house that she really appreciated. When all this happened, I didn't stop doing them 100% but now I do it just enough for her to realize it every now and then. I catch her looking out the windows at the back yard, front yard in a tranquil way. She had an appointment with an OBGYN but I never asked what it was for and she never offered. She is 47 and having "that thing" more and more often and heavy. The change I guess, I don't know.
She usually offers up where she is going or been. I never ask. To me, you want your freedom, get along. We both stated we still love each other in the last letter attempting to try and talk, sent from me to her. Could there be something she is running from and is scared? But anytime in the past, when the chit hit the fan, she always came to me. To close this update here is a portion of her old my space profile; which she has not used in 3-4 years.
"I love to joke around and enjoy life...although since July 2007, I lost the most precious person in my life.. My mom...she was my best friend and mom. My world has been shattered in pieces since then. I am slowly picking the pieces of my heart up daily and putting it back together. I have one son who just turned 18. He is my joy in life. I am also married ....sometimes I just think hubby does not like me... We do disagree more than we agree.... guess that is all my fault...
"
Note: This had to have been done in the fall of 2007. At that time she was an emotional wreck and I was there for her 110% of the time to support her.
