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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you have read my previous threads, I dropped the D since she did not wish to work it out, wanted her freedom, wanted out...blah blah. I haven't pursued her and have not even called her one time since the talk. Due to finances we are still living together and roughly a week ago, she stopped coming home, except for a shower every other morning and for some strange reason comes home every Fri/Sat night and sometimes Sun. Strange I would guess. Anyway....it was my decision to file and she was not happy about it. I collected the forms I needed for uncont. but I am having a difficult time filling them out. Is that normal? I never in my life thought I would be doing this but I have to stick to my guns. Part of me wants to say, "Hey here they are, you walked out, you've been D before... you fill the damn thing out. But a large part of me wants to say, "I do not wish to pay for something I do not believe in but you pushed it to the point." Am I in a typical period??? Any input?
 

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Totally normal, unless we're both weird. I'm in the early stages of divorce; STBX hasn't moved out yet, but said he will in a month. I'm the one who asked for the divorce, because my face was blue from all the fruitless talking and MC. He said he was mad about it, but didn't ask to work it out or anything. He isn't disappearing for days at a time, but lately has had an abnormal amount of excuses for going to work on his days off. I don't care why, and like it better when he's gone. Some days I'm all gung-ho, wishing he'd just go already, and other days, I wonder why I'm doing this. Then he does something to remind me, or I go through the list. Yes, I actually wrote out a list of reasons and refer to it when I start to lose my resolve. And like you, I feel I was forced to do something I don't believe in, but is necessary to save my sanity and health. Good luck to you and hang in there, we didn't come to this decision lightly, so we're doing the right thing and we'll be OK eventually.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
SP-I agree on I am happier when the STBX is not here. Gives me time to myself and to mourn. When she is here I avoid her at all costs. She tried to bring up chit chat like nothing has ever happened. I answer in a cold tone and exit the room asap. She has been fishing a bit lately. Is that normal?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
We filled out the papers and I will run them by courthouse Friday and see if they're all filled out correctly. I have to admit....it hurt. How I held it together is beyond me. I think I'm at a point of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel but still wanting to look back. I know it's normal or at least I hope. It's easy to see the picture if it's someone else but when it is your own....lol you really can't. She's been home a lot recently but I'm at the point, if you don't care to even talk I'd rather you not be here. And further more, when you virtually walk out on someone....don't expect to just waltz back in.
 

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Divorce can be stopped at any time you know . This may shake her and make her understand you're serious


Remember - woman LOVE decisive man !

Go ahead and file . Then just " watch and observe " and see her actions Again you can stop the process any time.

Good luck and stay strong , we're here for you .
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
She always loved the way I went after things and never took crap from nobody. Neither of us commuicated about our deep feelings. As for the day to day communication, it was great. But when the bottom dropped I stood up and was ready to dig in and fight for our 15 years. She was not. Well.....a D has to be in order (earlier post gives more detail). I always said the two dealbreakers are cheating and abuse (phy/ment). The night of the fight, I left to go to a friend's place and I said Proverbs 14:1. Will she snap out.....oh yeah....but she knows from my past.....when I wash my hands of someone.....there is no going back.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Today she took a day off work, came home, picked me up and we filed. Then after leaving....she asked to buy me lunch. D final in 60 days. She said well.....this is still my home for two more months. Right now she is cleaning the house.....the house which she will not get and the one she is at maybe half of the nights of week. Somebody help here lol. Is this typical?
 

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I don't know bub.

My opinion is if it's hard to do, if you're having second thoughts, may want to reconsider. But again, like BM said, you can stop it any time.

Sit back and be patient? see how things go.
 
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Chuck i am in the same boat, my STBX filed back in Sept. and i resonded. But we still have not set a mediation date. My STBX and i are separated but we rarely talk, just the kids exchanges.

I was thinking about filing mediation next week before xmas. But then i thought, why should i take time our of my day, and pay for it, even though it is not that expensive, its principal.

Since she wants out then make her do the leg work, IMO.
 

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My STBX is the same way, talks as if nothing's happened. Doesn't even mention the divorce other than to tell me houses he's looking at to buy. I think our STBX's are working on the mental transition; it's hard to walk way from a 17-year-marriage (in our case), which is nearly his entire adult life. If we asked for the divorce, we've had a lot more time than they have for that mental transition.

BTW, if you're having doubts, don't keep the divorce going because you're the type to never change his mind. Make sure you KNOW it's the right thing to do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Update-I had to get out of the house Friday after all the courthouse stuff. Returned home, she was gone. She came in about 4:30 AM. Been here all weekend. We do not talk much at all, I try to stay away from her the best I can. Do I want to? No but I made three attempts, the night of the big talk, about a week later and I guess one more week later to work on this. The last attempt was in letter form and that is when she first agreed on the D. She started bagging up a few things but was "in no hurry at all." She spent last night looking through her mother's old pictures of her, siblings, etc. Today she started cleaning out a couple desks and the room where her mom stayed-she lived with us till she died.
I'm not big on organized religion but do believe in God. I have prayed about this. I don't mind riding the storm out but I will not be walked on. If she came to me and wanted to talk, I would love to but....I would make MC and IC a must or I would decline the talk. All that would do is maybe band aid it for a few months.
We argued some, not as much as most. We got along great. We just had trouble communicating and there were several unresolved conflicts that were of high priority that were rug swept. We have not kissed or hugged in about a month. She spurned my attempt to kiss her about 4 weeks ago and I have not tried since.
She takes clothes and puts them in her trunk, and returns early before work to shower, etc every other day. This started the week of Thanksgiving. But weekends....almost always here. If I have to wait until right before it is final for her to maybe get a reality check, I am willing. I don't want the D but when she wanted freedom, wanted out, being miserable....I called her hand right then. I know not letting her son come back home is part of the issue (she kicked him out two years ago, he is 23 now, no job, not attempt to, thinks world should all smoke weed and party). But what she forgets, I raised him as my own when we married, he was 7. I know it hurt her more kicking him out but I guess she failed to think it bothered me too. He was a great kid up until a couple years ago. When we married I wanted a child and she was aware. Health issues etc it did not come to be. I was very upset about this but....I still loved her and accepted it.
There were a number of things I did for her around the house that she really appreciated. When all this happened, I didn't stop doing them 100% but now I do it just enough for her to realize it every now and then. I catch her looking out the windows at the back yard, front yard in a tranquil way. She had an appointment with an OBGYN but I never asked what it was for and she never offered. She is 47 and having "that thing" more and more often and heavy. The change I guess, I don't know.
She usually offers up where she is going or been. I never ask. To me, you want your freedom, get along. We both stated we still love each other in the last letter attempting to try and talk, sent from me to her. Could there be something she is running from and is scared? But anytime in the past, when the chit hit the fan, she always came to me. To close this update here is a portion of her old my space profile; which she has not used in 3-4 years.

"I love to joke around and enjoy life...although since July 2007, I lost the most precious person in my life.. My mom...she was my best friend and mom. My world has been shattered in pieces since then. I am slowly picking the pieces of my heart up daily and putting it back together. I have one son who just turned 18. He is my joy in life. I am also married ....sometimes I just think hubby does not like me... We do disagree more than we agree.... guess that is all my fault... ;) "


Note: This had to have been done in the fall of 2007. At that time she was an emotional wreck and I was there for her 110% of the time to support her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Oh well...I'll stop posting. Sorry
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Honestly, I don't know where to put it. Advice to others, n/p at all. When it's your own lol. Just the roller coaster ride I guess. It's just a complicated mess and yeah only I could walk into one such as this. Just really stuck in a position I'm really not sure about.
 

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If you have read my previous threads, I dropped the D since she did not wish to work it out, wanted her freedom, wanted out...blah blah. I haven't pursued her and have not even called her one time since the talk. Due to finances we are still living together and roughly a week ago, she stopped coming home, except for a shower every other morning and for some strange reason comes home every Fri/Sat night and sometimes Sun. Strange I would guess. Anyway....it was my decision to file and she was not happy about it. I collected the forms I needed for uncont. but I am having a difficult time filling them out. Is that normal? I never in my life thought I would be doing this but I have to stick to my guns. Part of me wants to say, "Hey here they are, you walked out, you've been D before... you fill the damn thing out. But a large part of me wants to say, "I do not wish to pay for something I do not believe in but you pushed it to the point." Am I in a typical period??? Any input?
Hi Chuck and sorry to hear that mate.
Haven't read your full story but why bother pushing yourself with papers , who cares if it was a this or a that.
You can't be stuffed right now or whatever your provocative man chuck em in the draw for now doesn't sound like it's gonna make much difference anyway so who gives a fk.
lt'll add a bit of mystery for her.

Let her do em meantime if she's in any hurry but hey l don't think she is at all , l think she's confused .

ps , she might be crashing in the car just to take the pressure of at home.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Stella-I don't ask, most of the time she tells me. Except for yesterday morning I have pretty much been NC. When she is here, I do my best to avoid her. She started the carnage, so it is up to her to break the silence. I made it clear I wanted things to work, nothing more could I do?
 

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I agree. Dont crack chuck... she knows how you feel.

F her... she wants out, IMO, open the for her and dont stand in her way.

Freakin WAW's!!! That is why i plan to go out and get a better upgraded version of my WAW. Newer younger version!! Lol. She said it herself.. guys have it easy!
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
i just cant get over the fact of not even trying to work through things. call me crazy but i always thought a marriage was something you would fight for. just doesn't make sense
 

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Work things out with someone who doesnt wamt to.

Talk about beating your hrad aginst a wall.

Einstien said it not me, insanity. Dont follow your feelings it is what got you here in the first place.
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