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75 Posts
These responses are helpful. I am pretty down about things today due to something he did that I was really clear about being an upsetting thing for me. I NEVER set big boundaries or tell him I would prefer he not do something...but I did in this case and he misled me to believe he wasn't doing it then dropped it on me the day before. So...I'm not in a great place.
That said, if we have sex it is at my initiation. Usually once a month or once every 6-8wks when I start to feel like I can't live without some intimacy. The rest of the time it's like he's kissing his mom goodbye. Not that I don't love EVERY kiss....but I miss the passion.
I don't think my husband would chase me if I was 110 lbs with DD boobs. I have no idea why. He had an affair with a woman who is a lotta notches down on the hottie poll in comparison to me. I was SHOCKED. She was everything he says he hates. Very strange.
If you have tactics or ideas...for enticing him, lay them on me. Because we've been on a weekend away in a hotel and he wasn't interested.
Deejov: I have tried cute underwear, being flirty, flashing him (which he used to love), I've been known to bring home toys and lotions and you name it. I will watch porn. I will do anything. He tends to laugh at me. Recently I got him to come to bed, and I was lotioned, very ready to go, and he spent an hour screwing around with the pets with a laser light. I was trying to get his attention to no avail. Problem with your suggestion is that if I don't initiate or even beg...he could live without it forever. I think he'd be happy with a blow job and go to bed (he works nights). And he'd never want anything else.
I have learned through different conversations that he's kind of like my teenagers. He thinks that I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm not. I'm crazy busy. I have a life. I DO NOT play chess games in my head regarding how to get him to do what I want. Unless you count cute underware, and trust me, they're a visual treat for him....hanes are more comfortable. He thinks I'm manipulating him when I'm not even thinking about him...I'm making a mental list of what everyone needs. Ridiculous. I'm an "on the table" sort. I'm all "I miss you....I'd like to...._______" and he laughs and turns on the tv.
I could try to manufacture deadlines...all of that...I feel like I'm just this ridiculous joke. I mean...I get it...I'm no Duck Dynasty or Nascar race, or lawn mower racing show...but wtf does this guy EVER get horny like he used to?
AAAHHHHHHH. Last night, I was so upset I didn't sleep in our room. It was his night off. I didn't want to discuss anything or argue. I just...hid out. And tomorrow I'm going to leave early to take the kids to breakfast. Then work. That should give him some time to watch porn or whatever he does.
....I guess I am resentful. He once told me he thinks I use sex as a strange way of getting back at him for the affair. Like I don't want it for the right reasons. I want to punch him. I want get him to understand....our kids are older, I have less responsibility, I have more time now during the day when the kids are gone. I feel like a teenager whose parents are out of the house. What the heck is wrong with wanting to get it on? I think...OMG Let's have a few hours together and I'll make you a sandwich!!!!
I'm 36. WTF.
So...advice so far:
~Don't ask for it.
~Make it a deadline thing, or a rush.
~Don't let him think sex helps me feel needed or wanted
One more question...how did I end up being the guy in this relationship. I don't want to talk it over. I don't care if you want it soft and sweet or want to throw down a blanket in the woods or in the living room. I don't care if you want it rough or not. I'm ready to go. Congrats. I finally have the time to set the sex kitten inside myself that YOU created...free.
And you're not interested.
That said, if we have sex it is at my initiation. Usually once a month or once every 6-8wks when I start to feel like I can't live without some intimacy. The rest of the time it's like he's kissing his mom goodbye. Not that I don't love EVERY kiss....but I miss the passion.
I don't think my husband would chase me if I was 110 lbs with DD boobs. I have no idea why. He had an affair with a woman who is a lotta notches down on the hottie poll in comparison to me. I was SHOCKED. She was everything he says he hates. Very strange.
If you have tactics or ideas...for enticing him, lay them on me. Because we've been on a weekend away in a hotel and he wasn't interested.
Deejov: I have tried cute underwear, being flirty, flashing him (which he used to love), I've been known to bring home toys and lotions and you name it. I will watch porn. I will do anything. He tends to laugh at me. Recently I got him to come to bed, and I was lotioned, very ready to go, and he spent an hour screwing around with the pets with a laser light. I was trying to get his attention to no avail. Problem with your suggestion is that if I don't initiate or even beg...he could live without it forever. I think he'd be happy with a blow job and go to bed (he works nights). And he'd never want anything else.
I have learned through different conversations that he's kind of like my teenagers. He thinks that I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm not. I'm crazy busy. I have a life. I DO NOT play chess games in my head regarding how to get him to do what I want. Unless you count cute underware, and trust me, they're a visual treat for him....hanes are more comfortable. He thinks I'm manipulating him when I'm not even thinking about him...I'm making a mental list of what everyone needs. Ridiculous. I'm an "on the table" sort. I'm all "I miss you....I'd like to...._______" and he laughs and turns on the tv.
I could try to manufacture deadlines...all of that...I feel like I'm just this ridiculous joke. I mean...I get it...I'm no Duck Dynasty or Nascar race, or lawn mower racing show...but wtf does this guy EVER get horny like he used to?
AAAHHHHHHH. Last night, I was so upset I didn't sleep in our room. It was his night off. I didn't want to discuss anything or argue. I just...hid out. And tomorrow I'm going to leave early to take the kids to breakfast. Then work. That should give him some time to watch porn or whatever he does.
....I guess I am resentful. He once told me he thinks I use sex as a strange way of getting back at him for the affair. Like I don't want it for the right reasons. I want to punch him. I want get him to understand....our kids are older, I have less responsibility, I have more time now during the day when the kids are gone. I feel like a teenager whose parents are out of the house. What the heck is wrong with wanting to get it on? I think...OMG Let's have a few hours together and I'll make you a sandwich!!!!
I'm 36. WTF.
So...advice so far:
~Don't ask for it.
~Make it a deadline thing, or a rush.
~Don't let him think sex helps me feel needed or wanted
One more question...how did I end up being the guy in this relationship. I don't want to talk it over. I don't care if you want it soft and sweet or want to throw down a blanket in the woods or in the living room. I don't care if you want it rough or not. I'm ready to go. Congrats. I finally have the time to set the sex kitten inside myself that YOU created...free.
And you're not interested.