Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 33 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello people, Me (30) and my girlfriend (28) have been in a relationship since 4 years (2 and half years long distance – I was abroad, I just came last week. And we intend to marry). As I said I have just come back to my country after 2 and half years we had been meeting regularly although not everyday. Last time I met her I was fiddling with her phone and was checking out the apps etc etc and yea a bit of snooping as well. I came across this chat log…which seems was happening while she was waiting for me in a café.

I did confront her (not then and there but after a day or two) although in a very teasing way. To which she said she hardly knows this guy and have spoken to him in office couple of times. And that she wasn’t flirting. And she said she knows that this guy is very flirty but why can’t she have a mad male friend?? I had kept my cool then but I am actually very angry and am avoiding meeting her till I pacify.

I am confused and I really want to know if the conversation between both of them was appropriate? Am I over reacting? Or am I just too conservative. jealous, insecured?? If you’ll can please go through the chat-log; and help me think straight: Her=my girlfriend, him=her office friend


Her: Lol!
Her: Wat a pic!
Him: Haha .. Like ???
Her: U look handsome for sures!
Him: Haha .. Thanks
Her: So wat is it? Quarter life crisis!
Him: This is at our new offices
Her: Okkk but buddy the window looks more cooler than u
Her: M telling u.. Get out of tht place- this is wat it does! :p
Her: N Boss gave u an apple?
Him: Mine
Her: ok ok
Him: Ur crazy he'll give mac .. Hahah
Her: Btw- tht [some female] is still there?
Her: u used to bully her so much!$
Her: :p
Him: [Female name] ???
Him: I don't remember her
Her: Hahahha
Her: tht thin fair lady
Her: Designer she was in ur team
Her: I guess
Her: Graphic designer
Her: Her husband was a doc
Him: Don't rem somehow !
Her: Timid sorts
Her: Senior thi
Him: Oh yaaaa .... PR chic na ...
Her: yea
Him: She was a gossip monger man .. Full data I used to get from her of whose banging who and all .. Hahah
Her: Hai kya? Or left?
Her: Yeah!
Her: U serious!
Her: Man she looked so timid
Her: But I owe her an apology
Her: Bef I die I wil do tht! Tell me is she still around
Him: Oh **** that ***** !!!
Him: I misunderstood
Him: She's ****all
Him: I never got along wid her
Him: I forgot the PR head name ?
Her: I knw once I saw u bullying her
Her: Arey.. Tht [female name]
Her: [female name] was gossipmonger
Him: Oh yea .. True .. Haha
Her: This [female name] lookd like a sweetheart
Her: I was soo rude to her once...I felt damn bad... Somehwr I still feel so bad.. I gotto apologise man
Her: Is she still thr?
Her: [female name] was mad
Him: Nope she left
Her: Damn!
Him: Sweetheart??? She was a mental
Her: I think she had hots for u btw
Her: She was a panju btw
Her: [female name] had hots for u
Him: Haha .. Mad kya .. She's like aunty age
Her: M telling u
Her: Anyway.. Kya fayda.. U lost a fan! :p
Her: Chal u entertain ur guests... M gng to get entertained! Tada!
Her: N btw- age got nthg to do wit falling for someone! ;) [she is older than him, they both know this]
Him: Agreed ;) .. I like older ones anyways hahah
Him: Wher u off to ?
Her: M gng to meet my bf
Him: Ohh .. Dating since long ?
Him: ?
Her: Sorry
Her: Yeah v long
Her: 4 yrs
Her: He wasn't here, he was in uk
Her: Come dwn now for good
Him: Nice .. So no flinging full on serious huh ?
Her: Yeah yeah... I am a full on serious girl
Her: Wat about you
Him: Hmm .. Me I'm a full on player
Her: Hahahahah... So wats the count?
Her: Who's the flavour of the month
Him: There's never a count luv ..
Her: Omg! Ppl who say tht- have nevr found anyone interesting yet
Her: ;)
Her: Bt u dnt look like a player
Him: Well, depends what ones interests are right !
Her: I knw the player kinds- u r nt one of those
Her: Jst waiting fr the right one
Her: U r wat 27?
Him: I'm not an ******* shady guy, I'm honest in my approach .. So I guess its fine, but I'm the playerish kinds
Her: Ah nice! Thumbs up for being a playr n honest
Him: Ya .. There's nothing to hide .. If I'm single I can do whateva I want .. As long as I don't **** ard wid anyones feelings
Her: True that!
Her: bt u have been single all along?
Him: I'm never single
Her: Hahahahahahah
Her: Good going man!
Him: Haahha (y)

by now i had arrived and the conversation was left unattended by her.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,166 Posts
Apparently he sent her a picture of himself.

It's a lot of silly office chit chat.

Then she tells him that she's in a serious relationship with you.

Na, I would not be concerned about that one long, silly chat.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Apparently he sent her a picture of himself.

It's a lot of silly office chit chat.

Then she tells him that she's in a serious relationship with you.

Na, I would not be concerned about that one long, silly chat.
thanks elegirl! n no he hadnt sent her a pic, she had pingged him in response to his profile pic on whats app...and she started the conversation....

and thanks again for your comments :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,933 Posts
I don't agree with the other posters,

There are a couple of red flags on the EA level, like the very personal exchange of META information on his relationships with woman and the part of age differences.

She is asking for and he is communicating that he is a player, never without a woman, never in a relation. She plays the innocent girl by stating no he is not the type. So she could start further contact under pretending she is a girl not interested in the player but in the underlying person.

He basically says he is open to any play, but don't expect a serious relation from him. He wants his freedom intact.

I would call this a bit of typical bad boy attraction by your girlfriend. I would watch this carefully. But don't react any further to her.

If you read some threads on beginning EA/PA you will understand why you have to keep a silent eye on this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
620 Posts
This can go either way.

It warrants watching, and keeping tabs on this guy and his possible alone time with your girl. He admitted he has an innocent approach. This exchange is kind of innocent for now. It might be his angle and if he's a player he prides himself on getting women who are in a relationships already.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I don't agree with the other posters,

There are a couple of red flags on the EA level, like the very personal exchange of META information on his relationships with woman and the part of age differences.

She is asking for and he is communicating that he is a player, never without a woman, never in a relation. She plays the innocent girl by stating no he is not the type. So she could start further contact under pretending she is a girl not interested in the player but in the underlying person.

He basically says he is open to any play, but don't expect a serious relation from him. He wants his freedom intact.

I would call this a bit of typical bad boy attraction by your girlfriend. I would watch this carefully. But don't react any further to her.

If you read some threads on beginning EA/PA you will understand why you have to keep a silent eye on this.

hi...yea....i do find traces of interest from my girl, moreover before we started dating i was asked something similar (if i were a player or not) and the statement abt age did tick me off especially when she asked his age after making that statement.

i think this shd be placed under observation for a while....thanks
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,809 Posts
Na, I would not be concerned about that one long, silly chat.
Let's do it differently then:

"I was checking my wife's phone bill and I noticed AL LOT of texts going back to a single number. On one day alone there were 96 TEXT'S (yes, I counted). I checked the number and it was all to and from this one young guy at work that all the women see as a player. What do I do? HELP!!!"

Same advice?

Check the phone bill. That's where you'll get the REAL surprise. That chat session may have been innocent. But what was said in the other 2,000 or so texts they exchanged that month?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Let's do it differently then:

"I was checking my wife's phone bill and I noticed AL LOT of texts going back to a single number. On one day alone there were 96 TEXT'S (yes, I counted). I checked the number and it was all to and from this one young guy at work that all the women see as a player. What do I do? HELP!!!"

Same advice?

Check the phone bill. That's where you'll get the REAL surprise. That chat session may have been innocent. But what was said in the other 2,000 or so texts they exchanged that month?
yes ur right...it is one of my concern...i have seen one conversation thats all, I dont know (and might never know) what could have been or would be exchanged over various channels.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
405 Posts
She mentions that she is in a serious relationship which is good. I would be concerned why she gave her number to this guy in the first place. I don't think she has appropriate boundaries and that would possibly open her up to an EA in the future, but I don't think she is interested in this guy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
She mentions that she is in a serious relationship which is good. I would be concerned why she gave her number to this guy in the first place. I don't think she has appropriate boundaries and that would possibly open her up to an EA in the future, but I don't think she is interested in this guy.
Hi curlysue321,

thanks for the comment, regarding her mentioning she is in a serious relationship...which i think most of the ppl in her office already knew (i am assuming including the player) as I used to work in the same office few years back (though we hadnt announced it officially).

and the guy works with the same company where she used to work till recently (but there was hardly any connection in terms of departments) so i guess the exchange of numbers maybe natural.

and do you think starting the conversation with a compliment and later telling that guy about various girls who had a crush on him and then progressing to telling him that age is not a factor [when both of them know that she is slightly older than him] followed by a wink, shouldnt be seen as showing interest (mind interest)??

sorry but i am just trying to clear my mind. hope you'll understand.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,166 Posts
Let's do it differently then:

"I was checking my wife's phone bill and I noticed AL LOT of texts going back to a single number. On one day alone there were 96 TEXT'S (yes, I counted). I checked the number and it was all to and from this one young guy at work that all the women see as a player. What do I do? HELP!!!"

Same advice?

Check the phone bill. That's where you'll get the REAL surprise. That chat session may have been innocent. But what was said in the other 2,000 or so texts they exchanged that month?
I agree that looking at the phone bill would be wise. But they are not married. It sounds like she's been on her own for a long time, paying her own bills. I doubt he has access to her bills.

The OP asked about one text session. If he look further and finds more, then that can be discussed.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,166 Posts
and do you think starting the conversation with a compliment and later telling that guy about various girls who had a crush on him and then progressing to telling him that age is not a factor [when both of them know that she is slightly older than him] followed by a wink, shouldnt be seen as showing interest (mind interest)??
A person could pick the conversation apart line by line and read all kinds of things into it. It very well could be an innocent conversation. Everything you bring up can be explained away by saying that they worked together at some point and this is just shop gossip. You will drive yourself crazy picking it apart because there is no conclusion in the conversation.

Your relationship has been long distance for a very long time. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain due to several factors: the intimate connection between the couple is lost to a large extent; both parties are alone most of the time and get lonely.

Since you suspect her of inappropriate behavior, it really does not matter what anyone here says. You suspect her. If you want to stay in a relationship with her you need to work on rebuilding it from scratch. At the same time keep an eye open for signs of inappropriate behavior, cheating, etc.

But you cannot prove anything one way or the other with the text conversation you posted here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
A person could pick the conversation apart line by line and read all kinds of things into it. It very well could be an innocent conversation. Everything you bring up can be explained away by saying that they worked together at some point and this is just shop gossip. You will drive yourself crazy picking it apart because there is no conclusion in the conversation.

Your relationship has been long distance for a very long time. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain due to several factors: the intimate connection between the couple is lost to a large extent; both parties are alone most of the time and get lonely.

Since you suspect her of inappropriate behavior, it really does not matter what anyone here says. You suspect her. If you want to stay in a relationship with her you need to work on rebuilding it from scratch. At the same time keep an eye open for signs of inappropriate behavior, cheating, etc.

But you cannot prove anything one way or the other with the text conversation you posted here.
Hi

yes i do understand, that the prolonged LDR may have drifted us to a certain degree....which i think will improve since i am back (and i do love her a lot).

Infact the reason I came to this board as I wasnt sure if the conversation was entirely inappropriate, i wanted to know if i was reading too little or too much out of the conversation. and not that i suspect her of cheating....but I do think that there were shades of inappropriateness......but passable (at this stage).

At the same time there is a 2 and hlf year distance between us now....and I dont like being hurt so as most of the posters said this needs a silent eye, which i think I would be doing.
 
1 - 20 of 33 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top