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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's an EA at most but my wife's behavior is sending me nothing but bad signals. She has been off work for a few months and if she is not sleeping she is on the computer. She is having some mental issues (and not the first time) and I see less improvement than the last time. And she is really treating me like **** to boot.

Anyway it is how she protects her phone like it is the most precious thing on earth. In the last 3 months she has not left it alone. Even when sleeping she has it concealed. Well this morning I found out where she keeps it-in her hand! While she sleeps she is holding her freaking phone! And has turned vibrate off and keeps it face down, if I happen to be around and she gets a text she very obviously tries to keep my eys off it.

So I am asking this even though I know the answer. I will find out what is going on by going on her pc. I don't have the password for it. I know how to get on it but she will know as her password will have been reset. And I know if I am wrong this will probably push her over the edge. And if I'm right it will push me. :confused:
 

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My wife was keeping her phone tucked under her pillow and slept on it, that was cause enought to start snooping, that and going to bed with her at night and waking up in the middle of the night to find her and her car gone, only to find her fast a sleep with me the next morning.

BTW she was cheating and yes I got the proof to have an effective confrontation that changed both out worlds....for the better.

Its that snooping and what you do with the evidence that can either make it of break it in the marriage.

Once she saw the reality of her actions she saw how harmful it was to her and her family as she went out a met strange in the middle of the night.

it was the proof I showed her that brought the reality of her behavior to light.
 

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OK, you don't know her password on her computer? And, I would guess she has a password on her phone as well. Yes, I'd say her actions are suspicious enough to merit looking into it further. Just FYI, even in my EA, my husband had the computer password. He is the one who set up the computer int he first place. He asked me what I wanted for the password and he put that in. He has ALWAYS known that password, even when he didn't know the one on my phone, before I removed it. Wish I knew of a way for you to get into it without alerting her right away, though. :(
 

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Is the computer personal or work? Personal: tell her you had to upgrade windows, ios , etc as a friend told you about an auto-update you had to be sure got on there and then you just happened to find some interesting things. Work: tricky here...no advice here, sorry!

The phone...iphone? Find my iphone app installed? Need her @icloud password / apple id to see GPS, contacts, photos. If able to access this route, I'd copy any evidence then wipe the phone clean using the find my iphone app.
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It's an EA at most but my wife's behavior is sending me nothing but bad signals. She has been off work for a few months and if she is not sleeping she is on the computer. She is having some mental issues (and not the first time) and I see less improvement than the last time. And she is really treating me like **** to boot.

Anyway it is how she protects her phone like it is the most precious thing on earth. In the last 3 months she has not left it alone. Even when sleeping she has it concealed. Well this morning I found out where she keeps it-in her hand! While she sleeps she is holding her freaking phone! And has turned vibrate off and keeps it face down, if I happen to be around and she gets a text she very obviously tries to keep my eys off it.

So I am asking this even though I know the answer. I will find out what is going on by going on her pc. I don't have the password for it. I know how to get on it but she will know as her password will have been reset. And I know if I am wrong this will probably push her over the edge. And if I'm right it will push me. :confused:
I would have to assume that her secretive behavior with her phone is not related to job searching. Obviously she does not want you to know what she is up to, which suggests that there is an OM involved. If you do nothing, it will escalate. If she gets angry at you for breaking her fantasy, so what?

I say yes, definitely snoop. She isn't allowed to "date" while married, and if she was doing anything above board, she would not be hiding it from you.
 

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If she is not working I assume you are paying the cellphone bill correct? I am sure you can find info what she is up too.
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It's an EA at most (1)


And she is really treating me like **** to boot. (2)

Anyway it is how she protects her phone like it is the most precious thing on earth. (3)

I will find out what is going on by going on her pc. I don't have the password for it. I know how to get on it but she will know as her password will have been reset. (4)
1) DONT bet on it unless you have 100% of her time accounted for and he lives in Spain... (and I do NOT mean 99% of the time accounted for)

2) Once you get your info why stay? Basic bio.. ages, kids, legnth of marriage, length of relationship.

3) Cmon you KNOW the answer is yes you need to snoop. Sleeping with a phone IN YOUR HAND is not A red flag IT IS 99999999 RED FLAGS!!!!

4) See the thread by Davastated Dad for ideas. He seems cool. possibly PM him for ideas.

VAR her car and where she talks all night.
Look up Zoomback
perhaps appear to let your guard down while actually moving it up...

Edit: I gotta go. Someone here please help. Link about 9999 threads where the OP thinks its an EA when it is already a PA.
 

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Hey guy,

I was in the same spot before (maybe now...story for another time and this is your thread).

I get not wanting to push your wife over the edge without any confirmation. The upside to accessing her computer is knowledge! You will know what she is doing and with whom. You can then take steps to try and save your marriage and get your wife (and YOU) the help you need. The downside is that your wife will not understand you and your reasons to learn why she behaves secretly. She may not understand that you are doing this for the sake of your marriage. If talking with her about her behavior wont work, for whatever reason, I'd lean towards accessing the computer.

You have been given info. on spy software...you should use it. Also, if the phone is a barrier to the marriage, you could always downgrade to a basic phone citing financial concerns i.e. she's out of work, cost, etc... Seeing as she is unemployed, its not that she needs it for work! Wanna learn more about the impotance of her phone to her?...change all her email and social network passwords on a computer and the phone is unable to 'sync' the data. That should get her attention and could open a line of communication you two SO need.
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...waking up in the middle of the night to find her and her car gone, only to find her fast a sleep with me the next morning.

...she went out and met strange in the middle of the night.
MY GOD! That is the most incredible thing I've read on this site in 3 years. And you're still with her. She went to bars?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
The pc is a home pc. Its not hard to get on she will just know about it and if I'm wrong its going to make things worse. And she does not get a drink of water without taking the phone with her so I'm not going to get a chance to look at it let alone back it up on my pc. She also will log out of her pc if she leaves the room. She goes back to work soon and I will have the day to look at it.

The phone bill...ya that's another thing. We went through a similar time where someone was texting her in the morning. I looked it up online and someone from the california was texting her. I told her the area and carrier and she shut the cell bill down by changing the password. It's in her name the plan was one she had before we met. I know I know I should have done something about it then but we almost split up and I take a lot of responsiblity for it then and I never followed it up and she never explained what happened. She said it was a female friend and left it at that. I AM supposed to be able to trust my wife right? right?!?!

Both of us are in our early 40's. She has kids one is still at home. Together 7 married almost 5. Oh and she is employed but is on a sick leave. Telling them she is having a mental break down and playing online games 24/7. A woman in these games gets ALOT of attention. I actually think she has pulled an all nighter this past evening infact. And then tells me at least she is trying to get help.

Hey whatslovegottodowithit I read your thread and there has been no new posts in a month-what's happened since?
 

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Anyway it is how she protects her phone like it is the most precious thing on earth. In the last 3 months she has not left it alone. Even when sleeping she has it concealed. Well this morning I found out where she keeps it-in her hand! While she sleeps she is holding her freaking phone! And has turned vibrate off and keeps it face down, if I happen to be around and she gets a text she very obviously tries to keep my eys off it.
That's the only red flag you need. I was oblivious to my wife's EA until I started noticing this behavior, and even then I brushed it off for too long. Anyone who suddenly becomes attached/secretive with their phone is hiding something.

I assume you pay for the phone bill. Get online and look at it - you can see a list of what numbers she called/texted, and when. If there's a lot of activity related to one number that you don't recognize, it's time to dig further. Try to get your hands on the phone, look at texts (see if any are deleted by comparing what's on the phone itself vs what's on the phone bill). Install a VAR in the car, keylogger on the PC, etc.

And she does not get a drink of water without taking the phone with her so I'm not going to get a chance to look at it let alone back it up on my pc.
How about when she's asleep? I know you said she keeps it in her hand - you don't think you could pry it out without waking her up? This is what I had to do with my wife. I never had a chance in hell of getting a hold of her phone until she was passed out.
 

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The pc is a home pc. Its not hard to get on she will just know about it and if I'm wrong its going to make things worse. And she does not get a drink of water without taking the phone with her so I'm not going to get a chance to look at it let alone back it up on my pc. She also will log out of her pc if she leaves the room. She goes back to work soon and I will have the day to look at it.

The phone bill...ya that's another thing. We went through a similar time where someone was texting her in the morning. I looked it up online and someone from the california was texting her. I told her the area and carrier and she shut the cell bill down by changing the password. It's in her name the plan was one she had before we met. I know I know I should have done something about it then but we almost split up and I take a lot of responsiblity for it then and I never followed it up and she never explained what happened. She said it was a female friend and left it at that. I AM supposed to be able to trust my wife right? right?!?!

Both of us are in our early 40's. She has kids one is still at home. Together 7 married almost 5. Oh and she is employed but is on a sick leave. Telling them she is having a mental break down and playing online games 24/7. A woman in these games gets ALOT of attention. I actually think she has pulled an all nighter this past evening infact. And then tells me at least she is trying to get help.

Hey whatslovegottodowithit I read your thread and there has been no new posts in a month-what's happened since?
Remind her there are no secrets in a marriage right?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I don't have access to the online billing for the cell phones. They were in her name before she met me. And I have been locked out of it for 2 years now. I know what I am going to find and its probably worse than I am thinking now. But I can not do it until next week. I want enough time to be sure. And figure out what do do after I get my proof.
 

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You need to start whatever you need to do NOW. Don't let on that you are doing anything until you have your proof. Never reveal your sources.

Var her car and where she talks in the house. Key log the comp.... See the devastated dad thread.

We come off as heartless here. This ain't the happy happy joy joy boards. The advice is solid.

Prepare yourself to find out it is physical. Sorry you are here.
 

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I AM supposed to be able to trust my wife right? right?!?!
Trust - ah yes, i remember that. I used to trust my wife, i believe that 'no trust = no relationship', where did it get me - she fvcked an old flame. i started snooping too late (didn't find TAM until after the event).

if you can prise that phone from her (sleeping) fist, you need to get it hacked to send ALL her texts to an email account that is you. of course you get everything including the mundane cr&p she sends you (compared to the stuff POSOM gets), the textbooks her sister sends her, everything, but there will be jewels.

Trust - now i'm upset again,.

VAR in the car, most here recommend under the seat, that won't work if she uses it for shoe storage, behind the lower dash trim is also good (the bit you'd smack your knees into if you had a bad crash). Be patient, it may not be as fruitful as some suggest, and you may start to hate your wifes choice of radio station.

Do you have any idea who the POSOM is? this info could help you form a 'catching' strategy.

Deleting texts is a big red flag. But don't confront with inadequate proof - all the time she is still using her 'regular' phone you stand a chance of harvesting useful stuff, if she gets a 'burner' you are stuffed (except for VAR - but that cant read texts).
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
All I can say is that I left my iphone on in my pocket near her and went and got a coffee and was gone for 15 minutes and got all the proof i need WOW! She told the guy I didn't live with her, and she was zealous because it sounded like the guy was going to see someone else-he is in her words 3000K away and she doesnt want him sticking "it" in anyone else! All this in 15 minutes!
 
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