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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married for 17 years. I would call them blissfully happy. In the past year my wifes father passed away which was extremely difficult for her. She started drinking quite a bit, and it all came to a head about a month ago. She went out with some friends to a Halloween party and got really drunk. She then started grinding with some men at the party which led to clothed but innapropriate touching. Is this cheating? I feel betrayed, and heartbroken. My wife has apologized but is upset with me that I would even consider leaving her over something she sees as only crossing a line. She occasionally lightly flirts with guys, but has never done anything like this before. We are both in counseling, but I need to know if I am overreacting. Any advice would be appreciated.
 

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She gave every guy there the "okay" to come after her wherever they want. Is that okay with you?

You're going to have a difficult time if she doesn't see this a HUGE problem. Step one: booze is gone. G O N E or she will do a slow fade from your blissful marriage.
 

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It's highly in inappropriate and highly disrespectful.

Not cheating, but definitely NOT okay in any way

I'd be keeping a close eye to make sure there is no cheating. Start searching cell phone, email, chat logs, put a var in car, ect... I would be suspicious with this behavior. Sorry to hear of it.
 

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^ It is cheating.

Grinding and flirting with someone like that is a step away from a ONS, especially in that scene.

Anything that disrespects the spouse like that in relation to another person of the opposite sex is cheating.

My GF certainly wouldn't pull any punches if I was all up on chick and groping her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you all for your perspectives. Do you think men tend to view this as cheating while women see it as disrespectful?
 

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Thank you all for your perspectives. Do you think men tend to view this as cheating while women see it as disrespectful?
Check cell phone records just to be sure. Does she keep her phone by her side and is password protected? Those are red flags.
 

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Agree that it is pretty darn close to "one night stand" territory (a couple more drinks, some time alone, no friends to "watch her back", and you are in the middle of a one night stand), but I don't see it as cheating. Yeah, I'd be pizzed. I'd be upset. I'd tell her no more GNO's or partying without you.

What kind of "inappropriate touching"? Was it as you said, bumping and grinding carried too far (as in they got grabby with each other on the dance floor), or was it sitting on a couch, making out, and all up in each other's business while still clothed?

If it was some drunk dancing that got out of hand, while she may think I'm coming down on her way hard, in my head I would be cutting her some slack vs. the scenario if she was making out and playing the bases through clothes.

By the way, I do think she NEEDS to believe you're considering leaving her over this. For her to think less is not good. You don't want her thinking your boundaries are this loose. Play it calm, but she needs a kick in the azz over this so that next time she's out partying and dancing, and some guy starts grinding on her or getting grabby, the thought in her mind is "my H will leave me over this", and not "heh, last time I did this he was okay with it".
 

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Well, I'd call it near cheating behavior to be exact about it. That grinding is very sexual in nature with a woman throwing her ass back in a man's lap which can easily be construed as a provocation for sex.

Its pretty much dry humping, and you need to let her know how serious it is.

Tell your wife how much would she like for you be hugging another woman around the waist when her butt pressed against you and your arms under her breast.
 

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She occasionally lightly flirts with guys, but has never done anything like this before.
As far as you know.

She might have confessed to this for fear of being outed by someone.

Has she done anything else in private with another man or men?

Sorry to raise this point but...
 

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Yes, definitely! its cheating...

Does she do this (inappropriate touching) in front of you??? :scratchhead:
 

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Anything that she does or has done exclusively with you, that she is also doing with other men is richly indicative of cheating. Sounds as if she may have already "checked out" of your marriage!
 

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Its cheating!

Watch for any red flags going forward, she shoud always have open phone and computer,email, fb, accounts. Any change watch out! Also someimes they go off the deep end with a MLC.

If she asks for a boob job, get a lawyer!
 
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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
She told me the next day. At first she didn't tell me everything, but I knew something was wrong and eventually she told me.
 
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