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it’s understandable that you’re recent discoveries has you questioning your entire marriage. You said that you have trouble trusting all women. That is years of betrayal talking. You actually have not tested if this is true because you’ve been with one woman for 18 years. There are MANY good women out there.

DNA test your kids. Once you’ve confirmed they are you biological kids, then you can plan your next step.
 

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Look at phone records around the time when she goes to work and when she is driving home and I bet his number is frequently dialed

If that is the case, then install a voice activated recorder under the steering column of the vehicle and you will quickly find out what is happening.

No one wants to believe their spouse is cheating. But it's crystal clear that she is having an affair.
this is a good idea.
you need to know what is going on TODAY. and to what extent it is cheating.
If they are talking on the way home about what they bought to cook their spouses for supper....it is not an issue!!
 

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I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. There clearly was an affair that may be still active. Also, it is clear your wife does not respect or love you. You need to take control of this. Tell her affair partners wife that your wife admitted to sleeping with him. Consult a lawyer to see what a divorce would look like. If you would seriously consider divorce, tell your wife that she has to convince you to stay in the marriage, and that starts with full honesty. If she doesn't do anything substantial, it will confirm that she has emotionally left the marriage already.
 

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this is a good idea.
you need to know what is going on TODAY. and to what extent it is cheating.
If they are talking on the way home about what they bought to cook their spouses for supper....it is not an issue!!
I disagree, talking about what’s for supper with a past or present affair partner? Definitely an issue to me.
 

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as opposed to "oooh baby, i can hardly wait to play with your member again, like we did last month...."
Just saying, any communication with a past or present affair guy that is on her phone under a woman’s name—— complete bs.

OP has been told “yeah, think we has sex IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER “……. What a smart ass, rude, completely unempathetic comment!!!!!!!!! She’s still in contact with the guy, takes beach trips with him that her husband isn’t invited to……
Hell, I couldn’t get to a lawyer fast enough to divorce this “lady”….

just my opinion
 

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Just saying, any communication with a past or present affair guy that is on her phone under a woman’s name—— complete bs.

OP has been told “yeah, think we has sex IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER “……. What a smart ass, rude, completely unempathetic comment!!!!!!!!! She’s still in contact with the guy, takes beach trips with him that her husband isn’t invited to……
Hell, I couldn’t get to a lawyer fast enough to divorce this “lady”….

just my opinion
The more he talks the worse it sounds. I have nagging feeling he is being unclear for a reason though… can’t quite put a finger on it. It’s bad enough as it is… for sure.
 

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as opposed to "oooh baby, i can hardly wait to play with your member again, like we did last month...."
Is it completely lost on you that she has him under a women's name in her phone contacts? How many times have we seen this particular artifice used?
Any problem with his wife answering his question about having sex in the manner she answered?
 

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Just saying, any communication with a past or present affair guy that is on her phone under a woman’s name—— complete bs.

OP has been told “yeah, think we has sex IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER “……. What a smart ass, rude, completely unempathetic comment!!!!!!!!! She’s still in contact with the guy, takes beach trips with him that her husband isn’t invited to……
Hell, I couldn’t get to a lawyer fast enough to divorce this “lady”….

just my opinion
Exactly. You can take it to the bank that when one gets a defensive, smartass, hostile response vs one demonstrating concern, there is cheating.
Normal, loving spouses do not respond in such a crass, uncaring manner.
 

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Is it completely lost on you that she has him under a women's name in her phone contacts? How many times have we seen this particular artifice used?
Any problem with his wife answering his question about having sex in the manner she answered?
is it under a woman's name, like Sally?

or is it just filed under a folder of women's names?
 

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Bsore, You wrote,

5 months ago I saw that she had him in her phone as a female contact, and I discovered some old emails where she sent him pics of her saying I'm thinking of you, kiss you.

I cannot say 100% this means she was physically cheating with him, but her strong emotional and romantic attachment is obvious. Honestly from all else that you wrote it sounds like your WW is waiting until the kids leave the house to divorce you and marry him, at least that may be her fantasy.

She lied about the amount of the time they talked on the phone as I found out from the phone records. I’ve talked with both of them and they were very defensive and irritated. What to do know?

Please record all your evidence somewhere before it is destroyed, then create a nice package of proof and visit OMW. Do not warn or threaten OM or your WW or they will get their story straight and paint you as a crazy and jealous husband.

OM was irritated, after 18 years of contact with your WW?, he has already trampled on your marriage get your rage up.

She says I cannot forgive, how should I forgive If I don’t have enough information or without her efforts to help me. She even said it’s already been 5 months since you discovered can you get over it already?

5 months is nothing compared with 18 years of contact.

I suspect what OMW will tell you is that he is a cheater who goes from woman to woman.

Get DNA testing now, also get yourself tested for STDs.
 

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You cannot forgive unless you know what you are forgiving.
The statement that she meade was pretty indicative of the affair being physical...for who know how many years.
Since you felt things were "off" in your marriage, there is a good chance that the boyfriend's wife is also feeling something is off in her marriage.
Now that you know the affair was sexual with her admission, you could reach out to let the other betrayed spouse know what you know and see if she has susptions or evidence as well. You two can fill each other in about what your feelings are.
95% chance once you contact the OBS your wife will go ballistic with you.
 

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You cannot forgive unless you know what you are forgiving.
The statement that she meade was pretty indicative of the affair being physical...for who know how many years.
Since you felt things were "off" in your marriage, there is a good chance that the boyfriend's wife is also feeling something is off in her marriage.
Now that you know the affair was sexual with her admission, you could reach out to let the other betrayed spouse know what you know and see if she has susptions or evidence as well. You two can fill each other in about what your feelings are.
95% chance once you contact the OBS your wife will go ballistic with you.
@bsoare It's the experience of most on the board that one can almost time the point when the affair became physical to the moment when the spouse stops being normally affectionate.
So, if you think back, you'll have a pretty good idea when it happened.
 
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