I got together with a bunch of guys on Saturday to watch the games. One of the men told us of a situation he and his wife were going through and I thought I'd post it here to see what everyone thought.
This man was approached at work about doing a special project. Since it would involve working late he talked it over with his wife. They agreed that it would be a good thing for his career so he accepted the assignment and started working later at night. After a couple of weeks he noted that his wife was anxious and even angry at times. After some discussion it came out that she thought he was having an affair at work and this special project was being used to cover his tracks. No matter how much he tried to assure her that this wasn't true she would not believe him. Each day she got more upset and angry and he often walked into the house after a 12-14 hour day to her screaming and yelling at him. She is a SAHM and she stopped making him dinner, doing his laundry etc. She frequently locked herself in the bathroom or bedroom. Several times she made him sleep on the couch and a few times she locked herself in the bathroom right at the time he needed to get ready for work forcing him to shower and dress at the gym. During one particularly bad argument his wife threw a coffee mug she was holding and it shattered against the wall. He doesn't believe she was throwing it at him but he's not really sure. He cleaned up the mess btw. Needless to say that there was no affection or intimacy at all.
This all went on for several months until the project finally came to a close and his hours went back to normal. His wife still believes that he had an affair and is probably still having one even though he showed her his expense reports, documentation of the project, and the bonus check he received at completion. He's even offered to take a polygraph test. He believes that his wife got it in her head that he was having an affair because her best friend is going through a divorce after her husband cheated on her. He says his wife has not acted like this before but she can tend to be emotional at times (I thought of BPD or something similar but it doesn't seem to fit). Needless to say although the knock down drag out fights have mostly stopped their relationship could accurately be termed frigid at best. They are still not intimate and are barely talking. I think I've posted all the details I can remember but if I think of any more I'll add it.
The reason I'm posting this is not necessarily to get opinions on whether he was in fact cheating although those opinions are of course welcome. I am posting because of something one of the men said during the discussion. He said that this man's wife's behavior was abuse and should be treated as such. I admit that the statement took be aback for a moment so I thought I'd post this and see what everyone thinks. Was this wife's behavior abusive? Since we're probably going to get back together this coming weekend I'd like to be able to share TAM's collective wisdom with the group.
This man was approached at work about doing a special project. Since it would involve working late he talked it over with his wife. They agreed that it would be a good thing for his career so he accepted the assignment and started working later at night. After a couple of weeks he noted that his wife was anxious and even angry at times. After some discussion it came out that she thought he was having an affair at work and this special project was being used to cover his tracks. No matter how much he tried to assure her that this wasn't true she would not believe him. Each day she got more upset and angry and he often walked into the house after a 12-14 hour day to her screaming and yelling at him. She is a SAHM and she stopped making him dinner, doing his laundry etc. She frequently locked herself in the bathroom or bedroom. Several times she made him sleep on the couch and a few times she locked herself in the bathroom right at the time he needed to get ready for work forcing him to shower and dress at the gym. During one particularly bad argument his wife threw a coffee mug she was holding and it shattered against the wall. He doesn't believe she was throwing it at him but he's not really sure. He cleaned up the mess btw. Needless to say that there was no affection or intimacy at all.
This all went on for several months until the project finally came to a close and his hours went back to normal. His wife still believes that he had an affair and is probably still having one even though he showed her his expense reports, documentation of the project, and the bonus check he received at completion. He's even offered to take a polygraph test. He believes that his wife got it in her head that he was having an affair because her best friend is going through a divorce after her husband cheated on her. He says his wife has not acted like this before but she can tend to be emotional at times (I thought of BPD or something similar but it doesn't seem to fit). Needless to say although the knock down drag out fights have mostly stopped their relationship could accurately be termed frigid at best. They are still not intimate and are barely talking. I think I've posted all the details I can remember but if I think of any more I'll add it.
The reason I'm posting this is not necessarily to get opinions on whether he was in fact cheating although those opinions are of course welcome. I am posting because of something one of the men said during the discussion. He said that this man's wife's behavior was abuse and should be treated as such. I admit that the statement took be aback for a moment so I thought I'd post this and see what everyone thinks. Was this wife's behavior abusive? Since we're probably going to get back together this coming weekend I'd like to be able to share TAM's collective wisdom with the group.