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Why do you care if a sh!tstorm happens? Why do you care if she gets p!ssed off? If you want to wait until she signs the house over to you then I can understand but if she balks in any way I'd let it all fly. And once she signs I'd let it all fly anyway. She created this mess not you.

"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!"
 

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bfree, thats exactly why I don't want to cause a sh!tstorm, I want to make sure the house is secured custody type stuff is sorted then I will let all hell break loose once all the legal stuff is done!!

OM is in the Police so is WW that is the issue, they will f*ck me over royally as it is 2 of there own! I did leave him a voicemail giving him what for (wouldn't answer the phone) and I text him in April after D day but he is a wuss and he won't react to any of it also WW stands in front of him and protects him saying that all of this mess is her fault and nothing to do with him (takes 2 to tango)!

So much for women going for the "alpha male" this guy is scared of spiders, watches WWE wrestling, Power Rangers and other childrens cartoons and drives what can only be described as a girls car! according to my daughter the other day WW told her she came down to watch TV and found a TV channel on dedicated to cartoons for pre teen girls all I can say is WTF!!

I have been buffing up since she left and doing combat training so am now fairly able to kick the living cr*p out of this guy, but it is what he will do to me and more importantly the ramifications on custody of D10 that is stopping me :-(

Need to vent this anger so badly and have no way to do it, its driving me crazy now!
As part of law enforcement I would think they would have more to fear from you than the other way around. After all, if they harass you in any way and you report it they would face discipline wouldn't they?
 

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It's just me but I would not raise someone elses kid. Well she is learning (too late) that it's not always greener on the other side.
Yeah, talk about a daily reminder of the betrayal.
 

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Should've told her "you hitched yourself to his wagon. Maybe you should have checked it first. You would have known it was being pulled by a mule."
 
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it seems like everybody around 30 has a kid already,

What makes you think you'll end up with a 30 year old woman? Maybe you'll find a nice buxom 24 year old virgin?

so I would end up looking after some other guys kid anyway,

Not if you don't want to. There are many women who put their careers first only to discover that they were missing the family life. I've seen many successful career women give up those careers to settle down and start a family when they met the right guy.

why not just look after my wifes?

Ummm, no. A product of cheating on you is vastly different from a woman having a child before you met her.
 
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Ok well this just keeps spinning around my head at the moment, probably what she wanted yesterday when she dropped all that on me!! I was all f**k her I am getting on with my life, I can find somebody new etc... but now I keep thinking should I discuss if she would consider reconciliation with me if life is so bad for her etc..!

The biggest problem I have and that eats me up inside was that 2 years ago when her dad passed away I promised him on his deathbed that I would take care of his daughter and his grand daughter when he was gone. The amount of guilt I feel over failing to live up to this promise eats me up so much inside you could not believe, it was a promise I made to a dying main and I failed him. I did discuss this with WW months ago and she has "let me out" of the promise as she said this is all her fault but it doesn't make me feel better seeing her destroying her life, at least I am living up to it for his granddaughter is how I was looking at it but still 50% success rate at the moment!!

Help guys, come smack me round the face a few times to get me out of this fog as my focus is just gone today and I can feel myself heading back in to dangerous grounds that I thought I was out of until this happened!!
So what exactly does "taking care of her" mean? If I am married to an alcoholic and I constantly take care of them aren't I actually hurting them by enabling their alcohol abuse? Sometimes taking care of someone means forcing them to live with the consequences of their actions.
 

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Well I as discussing this with a close friend today to get the womans perspective especially as she did similar (abusive husband though which is why she ran).

She is telling me that WW wants to come home, and is encouraging me to try R if I can!!! so this is just getting more and more confusing for me :-(

I know what you guys are saying about her, could she really change though that is my dilemma I mean yes I love her with every fibre of my being, I am not dependent on her I have proved that I can live without her but to be honest I don't know if I want to!!

This is so difficult, I just wish there wasn't a baby involved as that would make things a bit easier!!
But there is and that is what you need to understand. She didn't get pregnant through apomixis. She had sex with another man and cheated on you. The baby is the product of her betrayal. She could have prevented the pregnancy but chose not to. She could have terminated the pregnancy but chose not to. Just like she could have stopped herself from cheating but chose not to. This child is going to be a walking talking embodiment of what she did to you and your daughter. There is no way to undo her actions just like (now) there is no way to undo her pregnancy. All you can do is to move on and be the best man and father you can be. She needs to follow the path she has laid out for herself and it doesn't include you.
 

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The heart is deceptive above all things.

Trust your gut, not your heart.

If you take this woman back, every friend and family member you have will disavow you. Peopl do not like to associate with suckers. Taking her back will destroy your life.

You need to stop talking to her. Seriously. You need to stop. She knows you and knows how to manipulate you, and that is what she is doing now.
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Bandit,

You've been here a long time. Back in the Mori/Beowulf days I recall a thread where a guy tried to reconcile with his wife after she got pregnant during an affair. He thought he could do it, loved her so much, the child wasn't at fault, yadda yadda yadda. In the end he divorced her because he just couldn't wake up every day looking at that baby and knowing what it represented. Do you remember that thread?
 

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Yes I do. I'm racking my brain trying to remember his name.

That was a sad tale. If I recall his WW about had a mental breakdown when he told her he was divorcing her.
Yup, that's right. That's the one. It was awful. It would have been better had he never tried to R. It got her hopes up and then ultimately destroyed her.
 

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D10 is wise beyond her years.

On the contrary you run the risk of wrecking your own relationship with your daughter.
Agreed. Whyme, your daughter and her mother will have to repair their relationship in a natural course. If you try to force things you run the risk of making it worse.
 
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I found moogvo is that it? sounded a bit like my predicament but there is a lot of posts over TAM for pregnancy and affair but they were not similar!!

Anyways, I am going to cinema with W this afternoon with D10 yeah I know weird but she still wants us to do family stuff together but here is the better news...

I am going to church tomorrow for the first time with a little cutie I fancied the rear end off in high school (who is also going to church for the first time) :) actually looking forward to it and will invite out for a Coffee me thinks afterwards so we can have a laugh together. I am hoping the church bit will help to focus my mind and the company of a gorgeous girl will hopefully boost my self esteem a bit!!
I honestly can't remember the poster but I remembered the story. It was so sad for all of them.

Good luck on your "date" with your daughter. Make it a fun experience for her. She has to be hurting at least as much as you. And enjoy church on Sunday. Getting out there and meeting people is a great way to reinvigorate your life.
 

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If you ever have any doubts that R will not work, remember this - Your daughter hates her Mom for what she has done (she may eventually be civil with her, but that time is years away). There is no way that your daughter is going to accept her half sibling. She will always see it as a reminder of how her world was shattered. She will blame this child for all of her pain and she will hate the very sight or thought of it.
As sad as that is I think you're correct.
 

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Re: Re: Is there any point?

I somehow this goes deeper than just wanting a baby. She has a 10 year old daughter with you and in all this time she never pulled this stunt ? And the speed with which all this unfolded ? 2 months and she has thrown away a marriage, abandoned a daughter, moved straight in with OM, subsequently getting pregnant and engaged. While she may be hooked on becoming pregnant 10 years after her first, there is something else going on in her head and you may not have all the truth. She is definitely messed up in her thinking as others have pointed out but also very dissatisfied with herself (self worth ? marital issues ? who knows).
Maybe as her daughter began to grow up and need her less and less she saw her role as mother becoming less significant. I've seen it many times before that women throw their entire self identity into one role and when that role ends they no longer know who they are. Maybe that is why she was so desperate to have another child. If that is the case then this would have happened at some point regardless because someday the children do all grow up. It's probably better that it happens now when he is young than later when he just wants to settle down in life and enjoy.
 

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She was obsessed with my daughter, she has a strange type of love she can only love one person and that became my daughter for all of these years and I was always second best. It is strange because I have 2 types of love, the love between me and my daughter which is amazing and I can't explain it and the love I had between me and her which was different again but I was able to love them both as you should, father and daughter and husband and wife.

stbxw could only love my daughter, slowly pushing me further and further out to the point where I was just becoming nothing and she could not see what my problem was and why it made me depressed. An example of this is if me and stbxw were having a conversation D10 would interrupt us and stbxw would just drop me and do whatever it is she said or wanted, if I said anything then I would get shouted at! another example is when I said you are destroying our family after Dday she said "our family is me and D10 and has been for 10 years", I pointed out the correction that we are all the family in my and D10's eyes a family is the 3 of us.

I have had several phone arguments with stbxw since she left because it has upset me several times seeing my daughter so hurt and upset and some of the things D10 has said about stbxw! I am not doing this anymore though, end of story I will not be speaking to her again (except if arrangements have to be changed and that will be done via text) I am not going to try to patch anything up between D10 and stbxw.
I think its good for you to detach. While eventually it would be good if your daughter and her mother patched things up you need to ensure that your relationship with your daughter stays strong. You need to provide her with a stable home environment and quite frankly if you're constantly dealing with your ex's craziness you won't be able to be the best father you can be. So good decision. :smthumbup:
 

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Whyeme, let me ask you this. Instead of your wife cheating on and then leaving you let's say she died. Would you miss her? Of course. Would you want her back? Of course. What you need to come to grips with is that "your wife" is indeed dead. The human being is still alive but everything that made her "your wife" is gone. Every decision, every choice, every action, and every experience changes who we are. Some of these changes are small, almost insignificant. And some of these changes are profound and all encompassing. The person that was your wife made choices and had experiences that forever changed her. She could never become "your wife" again. That person is long gone and never ever coming back. So do you miss "your wife?" Of course. But she's dead and can never come back. I doubt this made you feel any better and for that I'm truly sorry.
 

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Whyme, she cannot force you to force your daughter to be nice to her. No court is going to tell an 11 year old how to feel. You are only a conduit if you allow yourself to be treated as one. In this case your use of the word conduit is akin to the word doormat. Refuse to be either.
 
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Re: Re: Is there any point?

Makes sense to me.

She is a cheater.
She is a liar.
She is pregnant with OM's baby.
Hormones must be going nuts in her body.

Yeah....makes sense to me.......

Stay your distance Whyeme. And I hope your D does not one day write her mother 100% off because it will just lead to more drama that you get pulled into.

HM
Yeah, that hormone baloney doesn't fly. Hormones don't completely override common sense and logic. If that is the case then we'd better kick all the women out of power positions for fear that they go psycho with hormones.
 
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