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Is there a situation where sex outside the marriage is acceptable?

7126 Views 55 Replies 30 Participants Last post by  mmmniple

My wife has a chronic health condition that prevents her from doing much of anything physical. I have to help her, take care of the house, cook, manage children and work full time. I harbor some resentment for this, much of her health problems are difficult but I don't feel like she has taken all the steps she can to take care of herself.

As some ladies (and fellas) can attest to, its hard to be attracted to someone whom you resent and have to take care of all the time.

I love her, she's a good person and I don't want to get a divorce and break up my family. I want a sex life. I have read MMSL and tried the MAP etc.. but at this point I am left with the option of sticking with porn (god bless porn), or seeking sex outside the marriage. I don't want to have an affair or a long term situation, just a sex life. And at this point she is unable, unwilling and sadly, just not attractive to me.

So what would you do in this situation? I am disinclined to break up my family because of my little head, but I don't want to be miserable either. Life is stressful and I miss sex. Do I ask for sex outside our nuptials and break her heart? Do I keep it on the 'Down low' and hope I am not exposed later on? Is there a circumstance where this is acceptable???

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I did recently kissed a guy and as a result of kissing him, I realised how good I had it with my husband and although I didn't feel guilty about the kiss, I just knew I would feel guilty about the sex. I'm not denying the sexual urge wasnt strong but it gave me enough time to reflect how amazing my marriage was and I just didn't want to risk that.
Did you tell your spouse?
This thing is a lot more complicated. If we were to split up then he would have to go into a home as he needs a carer. I am partly angry because he is so f....ed up with his early religious conditioning as a child and his passive hostilility to those who do enjoy sex and consider it a marital right. I am his second marriage and he had 3 children in his first but won't talk about it.

If he has never culminated our marriage by entering into me, then I understand our marriage is not legal? I think I was just a comfort person after his painful split and his need to have a woman at home to cook, clean etc. Although he did try sex with me but couldn't maintain an erection. Then I came into some money and that makes staying with me more necessary as we now have a roof over our heads.
I consider is my right to have some sort of intimacy. Is there something I can give him to loosen him up? He is 80 years old and a lot older than I am. Are you going to tell me I shouldn't be horny at my age?
There is no way I want to hurt him more so perhaps the only answer is for me to continue as a lonely woman will end her life wishing she had never met her husband.
Your husband is 80? It's over. If he's not been having sex up until now, he sure isn't about to now.

Why did you marry this man?
Have you talked to you husband about how open he would be to you having sexual gratification outside of the marriage? Honestly, the place he's in (elderly, impotent, introverted, sick) he has to be very well aware that his current state is absolutely tormenting, and stifling, his younger wife. He might be more open to the idea of you finding romantic and sexual fulfillment outside of the marriage, which isn't really even much of a marriage to begin with to be honest, as long as you remain his care giver and companion.

I actually think it would be quite cruel of him to expect fidelity at this point, seeing as you're staying mainly for the sake of taking care of him. Your "husband" doesn't treat you like a wife, he treats you like a friendly nurse. It's unfortunate that his life, and your life, and the choices you both made, have landed you here, but something has got to give.
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