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is that normal?

821 Views 2 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  tryingtobebetter

The context:

i meet my boyfriend about one year and a half ago and we are together since one year now (we moved togheter one year ago). When i meet him he had a lot of free time and we spent that time together he was always there when i wanted and not only when i wanted, he used to be willing to get out and spend time even when i didn`t had time for him. Since then the situation has changed 180 degrees. His company had a major backward and he got in huge debts (at this moment he covered most of the debts, he only needs to cover 20k euros more but that seems to take ages as he depleted almost all the income sources to cover what he already managed to cover and some of the contracts or money he counted on are not coming anymore due the fact people turned him down and didn`t kept their promises or end of the bargain), so for him at this moment every month is a constant struggle to finish the month with zero debts after he pays the salaries and all the operational costs of his company (a small software and web development firm). He starts every morning at 7 AM and works until 7-8 PM, when i get lucky he`s done with the work at 6PM. After he`s done with the work he`s at home ready to spend time with me but he whines about feeling/being tired and stressed. Most of the time we have arguments because i expect him to be more fresh and do things around the house and with me (actually that`s how i start my welcoming conversation when he arrives home), i`m also expecting him to initiate tender gestures (despite the fact I always find something to say as an imputation) and when is about our sexual life i don`t initiate anything i`m waiting for him to do it as i never been in the position to have to initiate such things (all my previous boyfriends where the ones with the initiative in this matter). During the weekends he spends most of the time being there for me but he`s kind of tired and what i usually do is to have discussions with him about things that i expect from him to do.

We live in the same town with his parents and brothers and once or twice a month he gets to visit them for 3-4 hours, he goes alone as i don`t really like going there. His parents are smokers and i don`t like to go there because they smoke in the same room where we usually stay while we visit them, he used to ask me if i go and i send him alone so he`s not asking me as frequently anymore. At home once in a while he would like to watch some TV series, but he doesn’t really get the chance as i don’t and i expect him not to do that but talk with me about issues i find that we have in our relationship (not all the time, but most of the time).

The question:

It is normal?

my bf left to a barbeque at his family on saturday at 3 pm (he said he will only stay for a couple of hours and he will rush home but i told him to stay as long as he wants) and he returned on sunday at 11.30 pm- night...i sent him a goodnight sms and i call him on sunday at 4.30 pm to see if he s ok- i was a little bit worried...he said that he ll come in 30 min but i said that i didnt calll him for that.. and that he can stay as long as he wants, so he returned at 11.30 in the night....
in similar situation does your bf calls you, gives you attention, a call a sms whatever? or he just have fun, whatever without any calls, forgetting that u exist...

when told him about that he apologized and he said that at the time i sent the SMS he was already fall asleep (basically every evening at 10:30 pm he`s tired and falls asleep), and for Saturday he motivated the fact he didn`t called or even sent an SMS because he was watching a TV series and got caught by it.

i have no idea if i m entitled to be upset or not... for him it s normal like this.. not to call me etc... we are together for one year and living together... but for me it s not normal...

is that normal? what do you think?
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If this is the only time he has forgotten, then I don't think it's a big reason to feel worried.

However, all the things you said before you posted your question make me think that you are not being very supportive or understanding of him. Right now, he needs that from you more than ever. He's got an awful lot of stress and responsibility on his shoulders right now, and when he comes home, he hears that he's not doing enough and that you don't approve of his family. If you do not change this, he will forget you more and more and eventually he will pull away from you.
explore the five languages of love and his needs, her needs
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