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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi all. my Queen and i aren't married yet, but are having fun talking about getting married one day. we're not traditionally-minded in very many senses of the word, and neither is our relationship. we have an open relationship now, for example, and, when we're married (after She's proposed to me :) ), our marriage will be open as well.

at a quick scan, i didn't see any forums on this site dedicated to open marriage (while i did see that the "Coping with Infidelity" forum is the busiest on the site), so i'm wondering if this site is at all accommodating to people who cope with infidelity by simply not giving the concept a place in their relationship. maybe i'm simply overlooking some section of the site devoted to such alternative approaches? that would be nice...

thank you, and all the best,

Ian
 

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TAM doesn't really cater to alternative lifestyles. There are a few here who do, or have in the past, had open marriages. But they are rare. The majority of posters have traditional, monogamous marriages.

I would keep looking.
:iagree: Keep looking for a site that fits your needs. I don't think you would get alot of support here as most of us believe that being faithful is top priority.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
excellent - thank you very much, PHTlump and Tomara, for your responses. i will head for a site better suited to our needs.

all the best,

Ian
 

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excellent - thank you very much, PHTlump and Tomara, for your responses. i will head for a site better suited to our needs.

all the best,

Ian
A marriage is supposed to be closed and not open. If you are open to other people being intimately involved in your relationship then what is the point of being married at all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
A marriage is supposed to be closed and not open. If you are open to other people being intimately involved in your relationship then what is the point of being married at all.
a marriage is "supposed to be" whatever its participants decide it's supposed to be - every couple makes their own rules for their marriage. there's no more nor less point to an open marriage than there is to a closed one; when you come right down to it, there's no point to any marriage (as more and more people are realizing every day). it's a purely sentimental and entirely imaginary bond between people, with a few legal issues thrown in just to make undoing it more complicated and difficult than it already is. but we view it as a statement of intention to stick with our partner(s), come what may. people who insist on monogamy just choose to put one enormous obstacle in the path of their marriage that polyamorous people don't. monogamists include following one's natural desire for new romance in their list of marriage-threatening transgressions, while polyamorists don't.
 

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the question is the same for everyone, open or otherwise: why get married?

for a lot of people, the best reason they can offer is, "why not?"
Those legal things you mention are a huge part of the reason to get married.

It's a lot like the laws we have for creating businesses of different structures. People comedy together to create a legal entity that is bigger than their assets/efforts are when not combined.

Marriage is a legal structure that forms a family and defines the rights and responsibilities of all parties.

An open a marriage is like having a corpoation and then having each share holder giving away the corporate assets and using corporate assets to make deals that benefit only the shareholder making the deal. In busines we call this embellishment.

Before you get married it would be wise to read and understand them. Then think through what if scenarios of the impact it will have on ufor example if your wife got knocked by another man. You will be this child's legal father and thus financially responsible too raise the child and perhaps pay four colllege.

An other scenario, your wife falls for another guy an spends lots of money on giifts, dates, hotel stays etc
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:rofl:Why not is not in my vocabulary. H#LL NO sure is:rofl:
Marriage is a vow between each other and also before God. Only reason for divorce is adultery.....you would be practicing adultrey once married so why get married:scratchhead:
Wow! I disagree. I think there are a lot more reasons for divorce ie. if spouse was physically abusive to myself or kids.

Also my opinion on marriage is different is is not a vow before GOD. But a vow between two people. I don't want "God" having anything to do with my wedding/marriage. I'm not religious but would respect those who are.
 

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a marriage is "supposed to be" whatever its participants decide it's supposed to be - every couple makes their own rules for their marriage. there's no more nor less point to an open marriage than there is to a closed one; when you come right down to it, there's no point to any marriage (as more and more people are realizing every day). it's a purely sentimental and entirely imaginary bond between people, with a few legal issues thrown in just to make undoing it more complicated and difficult than it already is. but we view it as a statement of intention to stick with our partner(s), come what may. people who insist on monogamy just choose to put one enormous obstacle in the path of their marriage that polyamorous people don't. monogamists include following one's natural desire for new romance in their list of marriage-threatening transgressions, while polyamorists don't.
If the above rant eases your conscience and helps you sleep better at night then so be it for you.
 

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It seems to me that open marriage participants need to navigate through so many rules and expectations. At least as many or more than in a a traditional marriage.

I've always wondered what if the child of your wife gets married the same weekend at the child of your number one mistress is graduating from university. Which milestone family event would take priority?
 

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I think that if all parties agree, open marriage does not mean failure. While I could not do it myself, i have seen families that practice polygamy, if everyone's is treated with respect, no minors as partners, they agree, then who am I to judge.
 

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I think that if all parties agree, open marriage does not mean failure. While I could not do it myself, i have seen families that practice polygamy, if everyone's is treated with respect, no minors as partners, they agree, then who am I to judge.
Yep, I agree, what people decide to do within their marriage is their business, it makes NO difference to my marriage, so why should I care.
If you don't like open marriages, then don't have one, it's that simple.
 

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It seems to me that open marriage participants need to navigate through so many rules and expectations. At least as many or more than in a a traditional marriage.

I've always wondered what if the child of your wife gets married the same weekend at the child of your number one mistress is graduating from university. Which milestone family event would take priority?
I would assume its. Like having step children.:scratchhead:
 

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:rofl:Why not is not in my vocabulary. H#LL NO sure is:rofl:
Marriage is a vow between each other and also before God. Only reason for divorce is adultery.....you would be practicing adultrey once married so why get married:scratchhead:
Not everyone believes in God, and some religions allow polygamy.
 

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look marriage = whatever you make of it. Is an open marriage a good idea. NO
Does it mean that it isn't possible to be in an open marriage. NO.
It is just bound to happed that, at some point, someone in a third party might come in and cause your open marriage to be an ended marriage with her running off with the OM. Or you running off with the OM or ow whatever your preferences are. I remember watching a tv show where a man and a woman were in a relationship and the dude was a total patsy. I mean obvious beta male. HE was sharing his wife with a younger more alpha male. And guess what the whole show tried to portray it as a positive fun light. You could tell that the Beta male guy was just weird and just letting his wife do whatever she wanted and he made no mention as to how he really felt about it. He was always saying that he was glad she was happy. And the other dude was obviously just in it for the hot lady.
 

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I would assume its. Like having step children.:scratchhead:
Yes, but which child is treated as "real" child and which is treated as "step" child?


OP, I hope you find what you're looking for. As others have said, there are more sites more suited to the lifestyle you envision/practice. Good luck to you. As you can see already, this is a very touchy subject around here. I am one who sees marriage as God-centered... but I do know that many do not. Open marriage is not anything I could ever do, nor could I ever be in a marriage that allowed multiple spouses. Again, good luck to you.
 

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Not trying to ruffle anyones feathers but, I have a question, does the bible actually prohibit polygamy?
Okay, I'm confused. What does the bible have to do with this young man's question? :scratchhead:
 

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Okay, I'm confused. What does the bible have to do with this young man's question? :scratchhead:
I removed my post, it is just that someone mentioned God and I was curious if it was actually forbidden.

But because its not related to the post I deleted it.
 
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