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I am 23 and my wife is 25 and we have been married for a year on Sunday. She has been really upset lately, and I get upset as well, because like most men I don't like to be nagged or hazzled all the time, but I do believe I bring most of it upon myself. Let me say that. Currently we have a "money" issue in the fact we do not see eye to eye on things, we do have 2 young children ages 2 and 4. Anyhow, back to the money issue, I enjoy going out and spending money, after all the bills are paid for and the kids and what not are taken care of, my wife however is always getting upset calling my parents talking to them about this ****, and it pisses me off, she says I spend to much, and she hates basically living paycheck to paycheck with very little in savings. We argue all the time about money, and sometimes we get pretty heated about it, I feel I work all day and I deserve to enjoy some time out and what not, don't get me wrong she works as well. Also when it comes to sex, I feel there is definitely something there, but I like to spice things up ie toys, mini-skirts, sexy clothing but yet she's not into it at all. What do I do about this I have spoken to her about it and she either blows me off or says no way, or whatever you know. I don't want my marriage to end due to money issues. We do have a budget I guess I don't FOLLOW it that well. Maybe I am just not seeing things from her point of view. Can anyone suggest anything or help me out?
 

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-Well for starters I think what your experiencing is what 90% of young couples experience their first years of marrige. My wife and I are around your age and we had the same problems at first, money issues are often the #1 relationship fight in todays society. I totaly understand how you can get upset when a 3rd party is brought into the mix (mom and dad) we had that problem also. I am by far no expert hell I have my own issues but listed below are a couple things that we did to help us. Note: bro the first few years are very hard, marriage takes tons of hard work but you guys have to keep it together and get on a plan with one another. For starters leave mom and dad out of you'alls relationship they tend to take sides!!! :confused:

1. Eliminate mom and dad from personal affairs. your problems can get resolved with communication between you and her.
2. This is going to sound very silly but trust me he saved our marriage honestly. Real Debt Help - Get out of debt with Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover Plan. he will put a better perspective on the $$ situation. But keep in mind it does no good if you and her are not both on the same page with money.

Good luck man I hope everything works out.
 

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Ok I see, but what is couples counceling going to do for us?

I am looking into the David Ramsey deal, and reading.

Brandon
 

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I am not sure what the hell is going on anymore except I know my wife went to my command about my issue with money, as I am military. This is one thing I hate more than anything when people have to bring **** up at work. I am to the point, I just want to leave, get out of the relationship, and get a divorce.
 

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Try handling the money so that she feels more secure about the future, ie get savings started. That will do a lot to spice up your sex life right there.

It sounds like you are ignoring the fact that security is what she needs, which is why she is calling your parents. Get some counseling because there are some deeper issues at play here.
 

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Hi Brandon,
First of all, THANK YOU!!! From the bottom of my heart for your noble and brave service to our country! Thank you, thank you!!

We're an ex-military family. My husband is a contractor now working at CENTCOM...I completely second SteelCurtain's comment that the first year(s) are hard! Especially in the military! My hubby and I married in Nov. of 2002 and he deployed to Iraq in April of 2003...on my birthday, no less! Yay Army! lol I don't know you and your wife's history, but I do know that the military life can be really hard to adjust to. I was a new Officer's wife (and only 22!) and a new (full custodial) step-mom to two rowdy boys! Wow! We had a hard time at first.
What truly, truly, saved our marriage was the unit's Chaplain. We went to him for counseling and oh, my goodness did he help!! With our money problems, I was the one overspending. I thought that buying "special treats" for the boys would make up for everything that came along with a long deployment. I was so wrong, and I learned the hard way! Luckily, I did learn and my hubby is pretty money-savvy, so we've had everything finance wise straightened out for a while now.
I know how you feel about her going to your Command about your guys' problems and honestly, I think that was wrong. However, maybe she just panicked. Is the situation really that bad??

I also second SteelCurtain's suggestion of checking into Dave Ramsey's stuff. He's awesome! Digging out of a financial hole is certainly not easy, but Dave Ramsey really has some great, straight-forward ideas. He's really big into having no credit cards at all. That's a tough one, but it is possible. He also has a list of financial priorities for families/couples, whatever. It really helps to put things in perspective.

Counseling is NOT a bad thing!! Your Chaplain CANNOT reveal anything said in session to anyone. Unless (I believe) you or your wife are a threat (as in life/death) to yourselves or anyone else. You can probably check into that though.

Good luck!
~Sarah
 
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