[wildhawke]

I am 46 and my wife 5 years younger. We're both fit, athletic and she looks great. We have been married 12 years and have two children. Early in our marriage she cheated on me with another man, and it happened twice more a few years later. I forgave her each time and we went for counseling and I thought we were OK. Since 5 months ago my suspicion has been aroused. I will list my experiences:
1. She confided that she feels bisexual and is turned on by other women
2. She has become exceedingly close with another woman (A)
3. Whenever they go out together, she wants to spend the night with A, as she feels it is too dangerous to drive home alone. Initially I thought nothing of it, but now have said no. Before this she has had no problems driving anywhere at all times of the day.
4. I frequently travel overseas and on one of my recent trips she had over another friend and her child for a sleepover. She told me all about the evening and night, what happened, what she cooked but did not mention that A too had also stayed over, sleeping in our room with my wife. I found out accidentally when my daughter let slip. Incidentally my daughter is a very heavy sleeper and had stayed in our room with them, sleeping on the spare bed.
5. Our sex life has changed. Normally, we would have sex about 3 times a week, but for the past 2 months it is restricted to only once and on saturdays. frequently she has things to do when I go to bed or she somehow falls asleep immediately when I get into bed. Also, if I try to initiate something she will push me away. This has never happened before. Also, she used to like me going down on her, but now she says that it is too ticklish.
6. Whenever she gets a call from A she will go into another room and lock the door.
7. She has changed all the passwords on her ipad and religiously deletes all sms and call records.
8. She has had a glamour portrait photo taken of herself and has hidden it from me. Did not even tell me, I found it by accident.
9. I taped one of her phone conversations; I can only hear one side but she talks to A in a low teasing voice and asks "You know my insides?""What have you been looking at" and before hanging up "Yes babe, I miss you so much too". This is on 8am monday, after they had been together till 8pm on sunday. Also the language used is very possessive like,"I don't want you to take the bus and walk so far"...
10. She has become very loving and kind and attentive to me, as long as it is outside bed.
I'm going crazy and have not slept well for almost two weeks. I want to confront her, but don't know if I should, as any accusation might make me seem crazy.

 

[AngryandUsed]

Mmm.

Signs of A with A.

Put clear boundaries for your wife. Are you thinking of counseling?

 

[wildhawke]

No, not thinking of counseling. If I can find proof, will sue for divorce. Just worried I will lose the kids. I only want them, she can have everything else.

 

[Jonesey]

Most likely..

But let me offer something for you to think about.

Early in our marriage she cheated on me with another man, and it happened twice more a few years later. I forgave her each time and we went for counseling and I thought we were OK.

The question ,you should be thinking is
When is it enough?

 

[AlphaHalf]

e have been married 12 years and have two children. Early in our marriage she cheated on me with another man, and it happened twice more a few years later. I forgave her each time and we went for counseling and I thought we were OK. Since 5 months ago my suspicion has been aroused. I will list my experiences:

I'm going crazy and have not slept well for almost two weeks. I want to confront her, but don't know if I should, as any accusation might make me seem crazy.

You are married to a serial cheater. She ****ed around with 3 people that you know of already and your worried about accusations????? Your crazy for staying with her. You already know the signs of cheating since this in not the first time she has done this. Did you go to Marriage Counseling and establish boundaries for your marriage the first time she cheated?? Did you threaten Divorce?? What happened the second and third time she cheated??? What consequences did she face when she got caught?? Empty threats???
Now this is her forth time and you thought everything would be ok?
You choose to put up with her infidelity and continue to rugsweep the multiple affairs. She doesn't respect you and continues to cheat because you allow her to with no consequences for her actions. IMHO Gather all the evidence, file for divorce, and have her served.
*suspicious thread*

 

[See_Listen_Love]

This looks like a clear case. Just do nothing for the moment towards accusing etc. Gather undeniable evidence en follow the normal confrontation procedure as you can read about here. That is the best way to deal with it. You have to keep your emotions under control for your own good now!

 

[Remains]

Definitely something is up. And it is not you. Don't confront just yet, unless you think she will admit it straight off. Gather evidence.

To cut this whole thing short, demand access to her phone, iPad and computer. When you know she has been in contact. If she refuses you know exactly why and can move to divorce easily. If she shows you, I doubt she will, then establish transparency in her passwords and texts and phone conversations. Make it so that she does all this while you are present and can see what she is writing, hear what is being said. And do this at a point where you can have a clear run at it and so she cannot slyly let her A partner know you are on to them.

Be prepared for a big blow up. And stand firm. Do not waver in your demands, do not let her disappear with her phone, do not let her out of your sight, and do not let her manipulate you. Demand what you need and don't let her batter you down with words of 'controlling, paranoia.....etc'

Good luck

 

[CandieGirl]

Chance are that yes, she is...so...the question is, why are you letting her do this to you repeatedly?

 

[Shaggy]

Yes, very clearly yes.

The hiding, the locking things up, everything she is doing points to a physical affair.

 

[Shaggy]

The change in sex frequency/style after so any years and intersecting with the arrival of her relationship with A and the lockdown of her devices all scream affair.

Is the other woman married?

The possessiveness is worrying and something you need to be careful of because it can make the do stupid and nasty things together to you if you threaten their relationship, such as conspiring to falsely accuse you of things to either her or the child. Be really on guard.

 

[WyshIknew]

And you are sure it is a woman?

 

[Thundarr]

wildhawke,
She won't be very stealthy or good at hiding since you've let her get by with this in the past. Obviously she's in an affair now so you should investigate.

If you can afford a PI, he'll probably could get proof and pictures, etc. This is what you need for making a case for custody and assets. If you can't afford the PI then try VAR (voice act recorder), GPS, etc. But you do need to get proof that stands up in court.

All of this is assuming you want D but your past tendency has been to fall for her sad story or whatever.

 

[MattMatt]

Well, this looks like a serial cheater. Maybe she is having an affair with this woman? Or is the woman providing a cover for an affair with someone else? A brother of the woman?

You need to establish exactly what is happening. It's not fair on you or your children.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Serial cheater normally never quit cheating. This has been my experience anyway. My ex h had been cheating since the day I met him. I chose to ignore the red flags. We quickly married due to becoming pregnant 4 months upon meeting.:/

I stuck it out for a total of 2 years with him. It wasn't long after our marriage I stopped having sex due to my suspicions. He would leave and not come home until 6am in the morning. That is very unacceptable in a marriage. Also, my ex treated me horribly on top of his cheating.

After I left one of his mistresses moved in just 3 days. They are now married and she can not understand why he cheats on her. She puts up with it, but this is her choice. He treats her worse then he ever treated me. My ex no longer wants contact with our/my child. It's been years and he won't allow my child to speak with her brothers/sisters. It's very sad.


Anyways, serial cheaters will keep on cheating. I personally would of left after the first incident. I will not put up with cheating of any sort whether its physical or emotional.

It doesn't matter if your wife is with a woman or a man, it's still cheating.

 

[Tony55]

Right of the bat, your wife is a homosexual, get used to the idea. She's gay, you aren't going to be able to change that. With that knowledge, she can no longer be trusted to spend time alone with women, the same way she shouldn't spend time alone with men.

Your wife has already proven that she can't be trusted. She's a cheater and she has no boundaries, she's now just as likely to spread her legs for a woman as she did for men, what's her next boundary to breached, threesome?

Sexual orientation confusion would be unacceptable to me, it means you have a bigger issue that just infidelity. Prepare for the worst. This most likely isn't her first gay experience.

All that being said, there's nothing left to do but gather your evidence (via techniques discussed in the forum) and drop divorce papers on her when you're ready.

In the meantime, don't kiss her butt, be strong, be a man, appear unshakable, don't grovel, don't pester her with too many insecure sounding questions.

 

[mrstj4sho88]

Answer ...Yes

 

[Thundarr]

Serial cheater normally never quit cheating. This has been my experience anyway. My ex h had been cheating since the day I met him. I chose to ignore the red flags. We quickly married due to becoming pregnant 4 months upon meeting.:/

After I left one of his mistresses moved in just 3 days. They are now married and she can not understand why he cheats on her. She puts up with it, but this is her choice.

A cautionary tail of fantasy versus reality. How idiotic must the OW feel now.

 

[Machiavelli]

Right of the bat, your wife is a homosexual, get used to the idea. She's gay, you aren't going to be able to change that.

That's true for men, but women are much more sexually fluid. That's why women are twice as likely to have a same sex partner at some time in their life.

Wildhawke, my wife, like yours, has an occasional attraction to other women, she wouldn't dare act on it though, because she knows as soon as I got wind of it, I'd be demanding to be let into the club, no ifs ands or buts.

Wildhawke, how old are you? It's probably time to get your testosterone checked and I'm not kidding. Your responses to these provocations are insufficient.

 

[OldWolf57]

Dude, are you serious ?? Here you are, an expierenced rug sweeper, and KNOW she is!!!
Have you lurked here long ???
If so, then you KNOW what to do.
Get evidence possibily of her in the act. You use that with threat of exposes to get the kids. Or at least 50/50.

Hell, at this time you don't even need proof, just file and ask for primary, while actually hoping for shared.

Does she work ?? How is the finances ??

Separate the money today !! Most banks are open on saturday.

Your pass no action for the other A/s has shown her you can be walked on.

If it was me, I would not play games. I would set her down and tell her we are D/ing and I want her out of my house.

I know not everyone have the whatever to actually be this way. But hopefully you can find a lil of me somewhere in you.

I know my worth, even at 55 an a lil over weight. Do you ??

 

[mrstj4sho88]

WTF your W does not want you to go down on her anymore :scratchhead:!!. So the OW does a better job at it (than you). You are a man and can never be a female. You can't please or make her happy now. She has been turned (out) on to something new. Listen you keep letting her cheat on you. You need to start living life without her now..