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I have been going through some financial issues and my stress level has been high, I have been coping with anxiety attacks for the past year long story..., I helped a guy out I work with and let him stay with us for awile while he got his new house in order. My wife volenteered to help him clean and fix his house it was a major project.... well in the meantime my wifes deminor changed , started dressing up , makeup and grooming habits I havent seen for a long . The trips to his house were a regular thing. I started to get a bad feeling something was going on. One day she brought my girls up there and i went to get them . she said she need a while to get some more things done. well as i was loading them in the car I happened to look up and could have swore i seen the guys head peak quick though the window. I confronted him later that day, said i was imagining it. well right after that the crap hit the fan she said , i think we need to seperate yadda yadda yadda.... I think it was a deversion tactic but im not sure .. I still dont even know if i seen what i seen..little things happened since then always wondering where i am .. sex life zero...toys missing from bedroom.. you get the picture. She recently told me that the reason she is no longer interested in sex is that shes starting to go through an early metapause,shes 41, said shes gonna see a doctor. Shes been very mean and defensive as of late wont say i love you or hug me .I have been clingy latly I admit that its hard to live with someone with no display of affection. I dont know .. I have no concreate proof and i fell if i tell the guy to have no contact with her that my marriage will self destruct. already accused me of being to controling. The other thing is this guy has a little money and i feel shes using him as a surgar daddy.. this just plain sucks because i need to know for sure if there is an affair. Sure the heck feels like one to me. going to conseling .. said just take more pills ... I know thw source of my issues and it dosnt take a doctor to figure it out. Im trying to stay calm but I work with the guy every day and trust me hes nothing to look at 60 bald and overweight. am i reading to much into this? should i continue to to let her work with him? my anxiety level is at an alltime high, need anwsers and im no detective . I suck at it.. tried believe me. just feel like it will never end and i need it to or my marriage will be over if it isnt already.. thanks
 

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I have been going through some financial issues and my stress level has been high, I have been coping with anxiety attacks for the past year long story..., I helped a guy out I work with and let him stay with us for awile while he got his new house in order. My wife volenteered to help him clean and fix his house it was a major project.... well in the meantime my wifes deminor changed , started dressing up , makeup and grooming habits I havent seen for a long . The trips to his house were a regular thing. I started to get a bad feeling something was going on. One day she brought my girls up there and i went to get them . she said she need a while to get some more things done. well as i was loading them in the car I happened to look up and could have swore i seen the guys head peak quick though the window. I confronted him later that day, said i was imagining it. well right after that the crap hit the fan she said , i think we need to seperate yadda yadda yadda.... I think it was a deversion tactic but im not sure .. I still dont even know if i seen what i seen..little things happened since then always wondering where i am .. sex life zero...toys missing from bedroom.. you get the picture. She recently told me that the reason she is no longer interested in sex is that shes starting to go through an early metapause,shes 41, said shes gonna see a doctor. Shes been very mean and defensive as of late wont say i love you or hug me .I have been clingy latly I admit that its hard to live with someone with no display of affection. I dont know .. I have no concreate proof and i fell if i tell the guy to have no contact with her that my marriage will self destruct. already accused me of being to controling. The other thing is this guy has a little money and i feel shes using him as a surgar daddy.. this just plain sucks because i need to know for sure if there is an affair. Sure the heck feels like one to me. going to conseling .. said just take more pills ... I know thw source of my issues and it dosnt take a doctor to figure it out. Im trying to stay calm but I work with the guy every day and trust me hes nothing to look at 60 bald and overweight. am i reading to much into this? should i continue to to let her work with him? my anxiety level is at an alltime high, need anwsers and im no detective . I suck at it.. tried believe me. just feel like it will never end and i need it to or my marriage will be over if it isnt already.. thanks
All the bold parts are big red flags!
I'm sure you'll get better advice here from BS who've gone through the same experience.
 

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Sorry that you are here. You are on an infidelity board here so my guess is that most people are going to tell you that she is having an affair.

You said she asked for a separation. Are you separated?

I'm not sure what to tell you, but I will bet you'll get a lot of good feedback here. And it helps just to post when you feel like it, and realize you're not alone.

The one thing I'll say is you might want to look at getting a different counselor. Throwing more pills at you isn't going to help.
 

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Listen you need to look up the CWI newbie thread and read several other posts. I just read one where a woman was going over to aguys house who got his by a car. They ended up having an affair. I mean is the house still not finished? Is there anyone else working in the house but her? I would immediately say look you need to stop going over there if there isn't another woman present. There is nothing wrong with that. She how she reacts to that. The next thing you need to do is get this guys contact info and check your phone records to see how often they call each other. Does the guy live close enough to where she can walk to his house. if not get a VAR and put it in the car. You need to get into her email, and facebook accounts. Since you work with the guy see if you can get into is work email. (whatever you do don't get caught doing this. and if you do this ignore any and all work stuff. even if you find stuff in his work email from your wife. You need to make sure you say you found it on her end not yours)

Given all of your responses I am going to tell you that I am nearly 100% sure your wife is sleeping with this man. However you have no proof and anything you do now. Will not end the A but likely make it harder to find the proof you need to bust this up. I would highly recommend going to the site below.

The Healing Heart: The 180

start following through with this it is what we call "the 180". It will start to prepare yourself for what is coming while getting your wife to see you in a different way. Please we can only give you advice you have got to start looking for answers.

The link in my thread is to an evidence gathering thread. Please use it ask questions and if you need to PM me and I will help as much as I can.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
we are still together, she backed off . when i begged ..., feel like and idiot really. talked to some of her relatives andthey told me she has cheated on me many times before... again .. no hard proof.. Her mother was a cronic cheater ( god rest her soul) she had mutipal kids for many different fathers . the ultimate user if you will. My wife is lying to me and has in the past soI really have lost a lot of trust in her. I am not an unattractive person either and i work two jobs that pay pretty well so I really dont understand where she is comming from , sounds like money is the issue as i like i said previously I had some issues and they will be over soon but feel like im being punished ,I raised 4 kids that wernt mine and now have two with her and there only 5. Really want it to work but she is having an affair with my coworker I dont know If i can forgive that , and the kicker is i still have to work next to him every day.
 

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Man.....Ok. First off. My wife had an affair for 2 years so I know a little something about red flags and a womans behavior. I would be willing to bet my house that she is having an affair. To me there is no logical excuse for her behavior or the things she has been saying to you. You make it sound like you have seen an almost over night change in your wife. This is EXACTLY what happens when they find someone new.

You need to follow the advise you will receive here with regards to evidence gathering. It is very important to prove she is stepping out on you. I would suggest you not confront her on this anymore until you have the proof you need.

Once you have this proof confront her and tell her you have evidence. She will probably lie about it until you present some of the facts. Don't show her all you have at first. You will need to hold some back for a later time. She will likely admit to a small part of the affair at first. She will try to lie about it to minimize the situation. This is where you show her more. She will realize she has no where to hide and with any luck you will get all of it out of her.

After the admission of guilt come back here and let us help you. The advise you need after exposure will depend on her level of honesty, remorse, and your thoughts regarding continuing or not continuing the marriage.

I wish you luck. Nothing sucks more than finding out your spouse is cheating on you.
 

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I wanted to clarify something. She may not have slept with him yet. At the very least this is an emotional affair IMO.
 

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My wife is a very hard fact type person and tells everyone what she thinks reguardless of there feelings. She will never admit it no matter what i put in front of her. I really just want to tellthe guy to back the heck off no matter the consequenses
 

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One other thing I was talking to him told him that a lot of people think shes having and afair with you.. of course he denied it. also told him i contacted a PI to ask his opionion....... guess what was the topic that night....... who you got following me... said one of her friends said it.. ya right. i am at wits end . i showed to many cards and now it will be hard to prove
 

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My wife is a very hard fact type person and tells everyone what she thinks reguardless of there feelings. She will never admit it no matter what i put in front of her. I really just want to tellthe guy to back the heck off no matter the consequenses
Menopause. 41 years old. Yeah. Sure.

My wife started the "menopause" at 45. It turns out it was the contraceptive injections that caused her periods to stop.

Every single thing you said is a massive red flag. Listen to the others on here. Had I took notice of my suspicions my life, my children's lives and my STBXW's life would not be in tatters.

Confront the other man. He will point blank deny it. Make it clear to him that if he so much as *looks* at your wife, you will drag him to court. Either as a respondent in the divorce - that WILL happen if this carries on, or using one of those American laws that mean you can sue people for ruining your life.

Be VERY HARD and DECISIVE.

Whilst you're at it, tell your wife you know what she's up to and that you are divorcing her.
 

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One other thing I was talking to him told him that a lot of people think shes having and afair with you.. of course he denied it. also told him i contacted a PI to ask his opionion....... guess what was the topic that night....... who you got following me... said one of her friends said it.. ya right. i am at wits end . i showed to many cards and now it will be hard to prove
In a way, you haven't shown too many cards. You have simply proven what you suspect. Go with your HEAD - not your heart. She is having an affair and the guy is a douche.
 

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One other thing I was talking to him told him that a lot of people think shes having and afair with you.. of course he denied it. also told him i contacted a PI to ask his opionion....... guess what was the topic that night....... who you got following me... said one of her friends said it.. ya right. i am at wits end . i showed to many cards and now it will be hard to prove
Technically that's true. He's her "friend".
 

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I agree that you need to quit begging. Read up on the 180 and also some of the other stuff here in CWI. Know what the fog is - she's in it.

I am so sorry you're here. :(
 

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Thanks for the responces so far this has only reinforced my suspisions, In my heart I believe its true. so i will try to gather evidence and at least try for some closer . I need to know. I have lost 20 #s and feel like crap. my work is suffering andreally feel like there is no one to turn to , but desprate times calls for desprate measures , one way or another i will get my anwsers I will not play the fool anymore
 

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You have your answers. I don't want to be rude - but seriously what do you need - a live video feed?

Every day you wait is another day your wife is almost certainly having sex with another man. Another day she is replacing you with him in her thoughts, actions and heart. Another day further away from reconciliation and towards divorce.

Your wife and this idiot she has fallen for will deny everything in any case. What level of evidence will they admit to?

Act NOW. (Please !)
 

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Well, real quick. Answer this. Let's just assume your wife is cheating on you. If she admitted to it and apoligized to you and said she would never do it again. Would you want her back?
 
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