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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This was my second session and I was little surprised the way it went. My marriage counselor told me that I have to work on me not only as a wife and person but also as a Christian because it will help me be a better human being.
While I do understand what he meant by that, I did not feel really comfortable to do my MC in religious way. He is not my preacher or anybody from my church and I honestly did not looking for that kind of counseling. I do believe in God but I am not one of typical people who read Bible in their free time. Sorry to say that, I am just honest here.
 

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In my experience, no, religion isn't a normal part of MC, unless it's been advertised as such, or is through a church. I'm with you, I think unless a couple wants religion woven into their counseling, then it has no place there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He is a regular counselor at work but deacon in his private life. I don't want to stop seeing him but I think I will have to tell him not to go into religion part much. I do not like to be push that way at all.
 

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Religion and phsycology have conflicting goals. One wants to prepare you for this life and other wants to prepare you for the after life. Proceed with caution.
I like this answer... one thing that has always annoyed my husband was - some christians seem to go on about meeting Jesus like they want to die or something -he thinks that's insanity... he enjoys his life!

Really... I used to be a Christian, I feel it hindered me intellectually ...feeling I wasn't good enough...this whole idea BLOOD had to be shed for me -to be accepted by my Creator...or if I had enough faith.

One does not have to walk in scripture to be a genuine person of morals, integrity and find their way back to a fulfilling satisfying marriage with their spouse, if both work on this together...and want the same thing.

If you are not comfortable with his mentioning Christianity.... by all means...bring this up to him..speak your peace.

The role of a good Counselor is helping you unearth parts of yourself you have been masking before each other...motivatioins revealed, hurts, joys & the pain put on the table to talk about honestly ,learning effective ways of communicating to each other as to not get defensive.

Good article here on communication >> http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/fullarticles.php?ID=5

So a connection can be found again ...... If resentments are there, to acknowledge them and work on forgiving..... much of this is plain old common sense ...though many scriptures would also lead you to forgive as well...

And of course treating our spouse the way we would want to be treated. Listening to them...trying to put ourselves in their shoes ... It does require taking a critical look at ourselves and the hand we played in the marital breakdown... but again... religion is not required to be a part of this process.
 

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I would definitely get a new MC.

Being a Christian doesn't make anyone a better human being. It's not a magic pill. It's choices we make to be better. Some people rely on God/Christ to help them be better, but I assure you, you can do it on your own too.

The nerve. lol. Wow.
 

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While I do understand what he meant by that, I did not feel really comfortable to do my MC in religious way. He is not my preacher or anybody from my church and I honestly did not looking for that kind of counseling.
The faith and secular communities are quite far apart. If you don't want to hear about faith, find another secular counselor
 

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Effective marital therapists are careful to treat the relationship, instead of focusing on each person in the relationship.
Spirituality can be an important part of marriage since all couples deal with forgiveness, acceptance and other spiritual themes.
Effective marital therapists are careful not to impose their religious beliefs on clients. These issues must be carefully negotiated as part of effective therapy
David Olsen, Ph.D., LMFT THe SPiritual Work of Marriage; The Couple's Survival WOrkbok
 

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You did not indicate where you are obtaining this MC, though I ASSUME by your question it was not through a religious organization. I am not going to criticize either since I don't know the context in which this advice was given. Did you mention your faith? Was he reacting to something you said? Exploring your religious beliefs could actually help with stress, just as getting exercise, eating well and getting plenty of rest. You are obviously under the stress of the situation, holidays are coming, so may be more sensitive to his comments than you would normally be under less stressful circumstances. He did not appear to be proselytizing, but giving general advice. I would not over analyze this, unless he brings it up again.
 

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You did not indicate where you are obtaining this MC, though I ASSUME by your question it was not through a religious organization. I am not going to criticize either since I don't know the context in which this advice was given. Did you mention your faith? Was he reacting to something you said? Exploring your religious beliefs could actually help with stress, just as getting exercise, eating well and getting plenty of rest. You are obviously under the stress of the situation, holidays are coming, so may be more sensitive to his comments than you would normally be under less stressful circumstances. He did not appear to be proselytizing, but giving general advice. I would not over analyze this, unless he brings it up again.
This is pretty much what I was thinking as well. If you have indicated that your religious beliefs are a big part of your life, then I could see why he would bring that up. The statement on its own doesn't strike me as something that would push his beliefs onto you, AG. I did go back and check out some posts where you asked whether something is very Christian in content. Not sure if it is because you are not a Christian or just not "out there" like some. Either way, if you like this MC, just not the religious undertones, then speak up to him and tell him that you are uncomfortable with that. If you ARE a devout Christian, I can see why he may have brought that up. But, ultimately, you are paying him to try to help you fix your marriage. If his methods are not meshing with you, then find someone else.
 
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My STBX's church went through a lot of negative PR for substituting professional help for those in need with endless evangelism and fundamentalism, many people especially women have been traumatised too due to it. Don't know about your church, but be warned.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
My marriage counselor has couple degrees in family counseling and psychology. He also teaches at Christian University.
I was little afraid this could happen just because of that. I did not ask him to work on my faith and on our marriage in religious way. First time I met him, he asked if I go to church. I said yes but I did not forget mention that my husband does not.
He gave me read books about Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud but I did not worry about that since they are good books in general.
But this second session made me worry. He asked me what going to church gives me. I said I go there because I believe in God but also because I want to belong somewhere. Nothing more. I could not even find any better answer because I did not want to go there.
He said I have to work on myself as a Christian too to become better person. But, just like somebody said it before, I think I can be good person whether I go or not to the church. Besides, when my husband will come to MC with me, there is no way he would listen to this kind of advice.
 
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