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Discussion Starter · #242 ·
Sounds good @BurntEnds have a good time tonight. Here is a suggestion after the movie why don’t you suggest on the way home to stop by the bar for a couple of drinks before heading home just to mix things up a little. Have fun! My wife and I want to see that movie as well.
Good suggestion. The movie will be over around 1am though, and we have church in the morning (she teaches Sunday school believe it or not (she loves kids as you can probably tell my now)) so I think tonight will be a sexless night but she already proposed some "just her and I bar nights" too, so again, all good signs with her proposing new things for us. Thanks again friend!
 

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Always insightful oldshirt. I really wish I knew you in real life and had you around to knock back a few beers and take in marriage advice, maybe even play a round of "snatch the pebble from my hand" with you. My marriage is nowhere close to being "safe" again, marriage never is. But your guidance has given me the right tools and the right approaches that I can use in my marriage.
I appreciate the sentiment @BurntEnds but the truth is your marital sex life is a lot more active and adventurous than mine these days.

(And I’m glad you got the Kung Fu reference LOL).
 

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Valid points, which is when this last occurred was when she had "one too many" those 2 weeks ago. The most meticulous planner is no longer such a great planner when they are past the point of self control under the influence of alcohol. But as I said in the beginning phases of this thread, I'd been giving her subconscious cues that her going that far was a-okay in my book, which thanks to our "comfort/discomfort" conversations, she understands my positions now. During getting hot and heavy, I would literally tell her things like, "sometimes I imagine you getting home late and having your brains screwed out by another man at his place". I think that would certainly leave any woman thinking "I think he's okay with me banging other guys". We had never visited these discussions in "the light of day" until this week. Do I think her bringing these things up during that night of concern was her planning things in her head? Absolutely. The thing is she never knew my clear boundaries because we never had those conversations. She knows now that I'm okay with her feelings attractive and good about herself while out with the gals, but that I'm totally not open with her actually getting her brains banged out at another man's place. I feel like fantasy and reality was VERY blurred in our relationship and this week has helped to clear much of it up.
yeah, you definitely said some crazy **** for a man to tell his wife in any context.
Glad you kinda figured that out. I still am kinda worried for you, with this going out stuff. But at least your wife seems to still enjoy your company and likes having sex with you, so maybe you’ll be ok.

The quote above: probAbly the craziest thing I’ve ever heard a man tell his wife, knowing she goes out to clubs with girlfriends some. Which, btw, I think is a bad idea for anyone.
Good luck
 

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Hi, new member here.....concerned about a conversation I had with my wife last night so I am coming here for feedback.
So my wife and I have been happily married for about 15 years. We have 2 kids and we have a trusting relationship with little to no bumps, just the usual nitpicky stuff here and there but nothing major. Neither of us has ever cheated on each other, however, for the majority of our marriage, we have always expressed our fantasies with one another when getting intimate. The most common fantasies have been the two of us with another man joining in (typically my fantasy) or her and another man with me in the same room watching (all her fantasy). Through the years, this has been our typical "dirty talk" and we have always discussed that it's just that and nothing more. She usually brings up, "I'm a mother and I would just feel immense shame afterwards" so there is a track record of this just being dirty talk.
My wife goes out with her girlfriends every now and then, maybe twice a month and usually to a karaoke bar or a brewhouse. I on the other hand generally stay home with the kids and just keep to myself, I don't really have any friends and really just keep my free time confined to my family.
Anyways, about 2 weeks ago, my wife went out with the girls and maybe had a little too much to drink as she was hungover the next day. Well last night, we were getting intimate and talking dirty. Lately she has been losing weight and started waxing "down there" and she has been feeling sexier and more confident which is something that she has always struggled with (i.e. low self esteem). Well, during our dirty talk, I asked her things like, "do you notice guys looking at you when you go out?" and she starts giggling and recounts that night 2 weeks ago and says that yes, men were looking at her that night and some even bought her drinks. During our foreplay, I tried to get more information out of her, while still in the guise of "fantasy mode" and she starts saying things like, "what would you let me do with other men?" I ask her "what do you want to do?" And she says "are you okay if I flirt with other men?" I say sure, and she asks if I am okay if a man buys her a drink and dances with her. Again, I say sure, just to gather more "now very real" information and I ask her "what else do you want to do?" To which she says "I want to kiss other men". At this point, I am alarmed, and I feel like I am much to blame given our ongoing fantasies, so after we are done being intimate, I ask her "how much of what we discussed was just fantasy?" We had a 2 hour conversation and she tells me essentially that she doesn't want to sleep with other men, that she just enjoys the confidence boost, the free drinks and likes to dance. We discuss kissing, to which I say "kissing on the mouth is basically where cheating starts". That basically caused her to sink into her shell because she knew that was the nail on the head for me. She then disagrees and says it depends on how it's done. I ask her for examples and she says a peck on the cheek as a "thanks for the dance/drink" is wholly different than a full fledged makeout session. I tell her, "would you be uncomfortable with me kissing another woman?" And she circles back to "if it's a little peck, I wouldn't care but if it was open mouth with tongue, then yeah I would be upset".
So basically after this long discussion, we establish that a guy buying her a drink, some dancing and flirting is "fine" but that kissing is where I see the start of being unfaithful. She says the attention she gets is what causes her to come home extra frisky and is why she always wants to jump my bones lately.
I never fell asleep, and I still have knots in my stomach just recounting the whole ordeal but really I'm just worried that this is now the beginning of a difficult to manage situation. I feel like she "has permission" to go further than she's gone before with "kissing" being the line in the sand, but I know that if it ever gets to that point, human nature is bound to throw caution to the wind and just deal with the ramifications later, especially when the types of men that are solely going to bars go to basically get laid.
I hope I can solicit some female responses as I feel her situation is relatable. Of course, all feedback is welcome.
-Troubled in Texas
You can benefit from her playing around. She said it makes her horny and comes home and jumps you. That’s a good start. You have fantasies of her with another man. Maybe she could introduce him to you and your fantasy can happen. Consider yourself lucky. Go for it.
 

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Hi, new member here.....concerned about a conversation I had with my wife last night so I am coming here for feedback.
So my wife and I have been happily married for about 15 years. We have 2 kids and we have a trusting relationship with little to no bumps, just the usual nitpicky stuff here and there but nothing major. Neither of us has ever cheated on each other, however, for the majority of our marriage, we have always expressed our fantasies with one another when getting intimate. The most common fantasies have been the two of us with another man joining in (typically my fantasy) or her and another man with me in the same room watching (all her fantasy). Through the years, this has been our typical "dirty talk" and we have always discussed that it's just that and nothing more. She usually brings up, "I'm a mother and I would just feel immense shame afterwards" so there is a track record of this just being dirty talk.
My wife goes out with her girlfriends every now and then, maybe twice a month and usually to a karaoke bar or a brewhouse. I on the other hand generally stay home with the kids and just keep to myself, I don't really have any friends and really just keep my free time confined to my family.
Anyways, about 2 weeks ago, my wife went out with the girls and maybe had a little too much to drink as she was hungover the next day. Well last night, we were getting intimate and talking dirty. Lately she has been losing weight and started waxing "down there" and she has been feeling sexier and more confident which is something that she has always struggled with (i.e. low self esteem). Well, during our dirty talk, I asked her things like, "do you notice guys looking at you when you go out?" and she starts giggling and recounts that night 2 weeks ago and says that yes, men were looking at her that night and some even bought her drinks. During our foreplay, I tried to get more information out of her, while still in the guise of "fantasy mode" and she starts saying things like, "what would you let me do with other men?" I ask her "what do you want to do?" And she says "are you okay if I flirt with other men?" I say sure, and she asks if I am okay if a man buys her a drink and dances with her. Again, I say sure, just to gather more "now very real" information and I ask her "what else do you want to do?" To which she says "I want to kiss other men". At this point, I am alarmed, and I feel like I am much to blame given our ongoing fantasies, so after we are done being intimate, I ask her "how much of what we discussed was just fantasy?" We had a 2 hour conversation and she tells me essentially that she doesn't want to sleep with other men, that she just enjoys the confidence boost, the free drinks and likes to dance. We discuss kissing, to which I say "kissing on the mouth is basically where cheating starts". That basically caused her to sink into her shell because she knew that was the nail on the head for me. She then disagrees and says it depends on how it's done. I ask her for examples and she says a peck on the cheek as a "thanks for the dance/drink" is wholly different than a full fledged makeout session. I tell her, "would you be uncomfortable with me kissing another woman?" And she circles back to "if it's a little peck, I wouldn't care but if it was open mouth with tongue, then yeah I would be upset".
So basically after this long discussion, we establish that a guy buying her a drink, some dancing and flirting is "fine" but that kissing is where I see the start of being unfaithful. She says the attention she gets is what causes her to come home extra frisky and is why she always wants to jump my bones lately.
I never fell asleep, and I still have knots in my stomach just recounting the whole ordeal but really I'm just worried that this is now the beginning of a difficult to manage situation. I feel like she "has permission" to go further than she's gone before with "kissing" being the line in the sand, but I know that if it ever gets to that point, human nature is bound to throw caution to the wind and just deal with the ramifications later, especially when the types of men that are solely going to bars go to basically get laid.
I hope I can solicit some female responses as I feel her situation is relatable. Of course, all feedback is welcome.
-Troubled in Texas
she told you about the kissing in retrospect,she has already done it and is trying to find out just how far you will agree to let her have her head so to speak.stop it now she is on a dangerous path
 

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You have a fantasy of her ****ing other men and you've been planting it in her mind forever. Now that she wants to you're pissed.

I would not allow the "girls nights out" and flirting or anything even remotely inappropriate.
once you groom your wife to be a hot wife, you can not then turn around and tell her NO when she starts screwing new guys! You put the idea into her mind. You made her get horny over it. You likely found guys for her to chat with. THEN you get all pissy because she slips out and does it without you in the room to jerk off to it.

Grow a pair. You made your choice, now see it thru to some conclusion.

Your only hope now is she does a few men, and is not all that interested in it, and decides to not do it any more. On the other hand, if the bedroom had been dead up to now....you are going to have a big problem when she starts getting pounded with hot monkey sex
 
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