Ok for me Asian was enough for all the other women to go invisible or talk about dull things with them
Is My Wife Going To Start Cheating?
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I was being a little indirect. Doing things for yourself is a food idea, by the way, but you seem to be missing my point. You are either troubled by your wife's behavior, or you're turned on by it. If you're troubled, speak to her about her behavior. It's risky to your relationship (even if you kinda get off on it--maybe especially then). If this is your fantasy playing out, you're dragging us into it without our consent. Or I take that back, a few people likely get off on you getting off, but still.
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Good idea. WTF?
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I totally understand that my wife of 34 years are both retired teachers. Just be careful and I’m glad you got your feelings and boundaries stated before it went to far to do anything about. I still suggest to keep your guard and senses up.
As long as a bar has karaoke night and bingo night, those things are OK.
Nothing bad ever happens at bingo night.
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LOL, funny side story, but kind of relevant here. My wife and I were recently at a local bar/dance club that we regularly go to for live music. There was a group of 4 or 5 quite tipsy women behind, most were a little on the chubby side. We heard one of them say, "I really want to make out with the drummer, but I love my husband." I thought it was funny as hell. Then I started thinking about what her husband might think of that comment. I was glad to hear she had some self control, at that point in time. I wonder how many more drinks it would take before that desire to make out surpassed her love her husband.
That's pretty much my situation with my wife, so I appreciate the story. I know she loves me and we both know that we are really horny people ( we get intimate almost nightly and she climaxes a minimum of 2 times). But it just takes that 1 drink that breaks the camel's back before she could find her going that extra step, so I know she is like the chubby gal in your story but not knowing when to stop the drinks can put anyone in that boat no matter how strong the love for their partner is.
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Hey you, I was a drummer in a band (many moons ago) and I prefer slim petite women. (mind you I was a sh8te drummer so that could be it)
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Not really. I have done plenty of drinking in my time and getting wasted never made me suddenly cheat on my wife.
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Yes same here, but did you and your wife talk in explicit detail about sexual fantasies with other people while you were having sex? The problem here is the seed of that thought has been planted. It seems very plausible that too much alcohol could blur the lines between reality and that fantasy.
Yeah but you’re a guy so that doesn’t count.
When you get drunk, your just a sloppy drunk that chicks wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
When a chick gets drunk, she becomes a target.
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Have you seen the movie Promising Young Woman?
Yeah, and I trust that my wife has that same ingrained honor system but I think what makes us different than you and your wife is that we have a long history of fantasy talk involving strangers (wife swapping, swinging, threesomes, gang bangs, etc.). All that unhealthy talk could have subconsciously given her the impression that i want her to act on her fantasies and when drunk enough, that's all it takes to light the fuse. Hence our talk about boundaries, our agreement to cut out the dirty talk and we even talked about "having one too many" drinks when out with the gals.
100% agree
I realize my outlooks and perspectives are different than most of the people on this site.
But I think the “seeds” of having desires and fantasies were planted millions of years ago on the plains of Africa.
We all have fantasies and desires that extend beyond our spouse. That’s just part of being a creature of the earth.
The only thing that the OP has done a little different than the most uptight and inhibited of people here is he and his wife have acknowledged it and incorporated it into their marital sexual dynamics.
Her desires and fantasies were already there and have been since puberty and will be there until she dies. The OP did not create her desire or fantasies.
Now did their sex talk somehow make her feel like she has a little more license to explore those desires and fantasies while out on the town??? Yeah sure maybe.
But that’s why it’s critical for him to be more assertive and more proactive to instill and enforce clear and solid boundaries and expectations of appropriate behavior in real life.
I don’t think your talks about that stuff is going to be what tips her over the edge in her drunken state. I don’t think she’s going to subconsciously think you’re ok with her doing any of that, whether she’s drunk or not. I think if she’s flirting with other men, dancing with them, kissing them in the cheek, and has one too many drinks it could possibly progress to a little more since her inhibitions will be lower, she’ll be feeling good from the attention and flirting which sort of feeds into itself and you want more more more and it goes from flirting to some playful touches, to a kiss, giggle, more touching, out the door we go. If that happens, which I’m not so sure it will but could in many situations like this, it won’t be because of the dirty talk putting thoughts in her mind. In those moments she’s probably not even thinking about her husband and their dirty talk. She’s just feeling pretty light and good and now empowered by the male attention and to be honest in that situation if a woman is going to cheat she’ll most likely do it regardless of whether she and her husband have talked about gang bangs or not.
In saying all of that, I’m not on the side of “omg she waxed her cha cha, that’s a sure fire sign she’s planning to get with another guy.”
I just think the husband and wife dirty talk behind closed doors isn’t going to be the deciding factor on whether she kisses, blows, or does something else with a guy at the bar.
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Sudden changes in appearance like waxing, buying lingerie the husband has never seen,
Wearing sexier clothes, unaccounted for time, phone guarding..... red flags.
but op has explained away the waxing.
He’s explained away a lot.
but what he can’t seem to explain away is the fact that she wants to kiss other men, and that she is going out clubbing and enjoying make attention.
when I was married, I sold a ‘68 chevelle that I took a year restoring myself in my spare time.... because it was getting me attention from women, ie pgone numbers and requests...
Because I didn’t want to put myself in a tempting situation. This lady is pursuing it.
Wearing sexier clothes, unaccounted for time, phone guarding..... red flags.
but op has explained away the waxing.
He’s explained away a lot.
but what he can’t seem to explain away is the fact that she wants to kiss other men, and that she is going out clubbing and enjoying make attention.
when I was married, I sold a ‘68 chevelle that I took a year restoring myself in my spare time.... because it was getting me attention from women, ie pgone numbers and requests...
Because I didn’t want to put myself in a tempting situation. This lady is pursuing it.
You sold your car because it was getting you attention from women? You felt you were that weak willed that having a woman hit on you over your car was going to be that much of a temptation that you’d actually pursue something and it’d end your marriage?
People are different 🤷♀️. I like when women hit on my husband. I like his cool car and that other women want to sleep with him. That turns me on. If he’s that weak willed that some woman hitting on him over his car is going to tempt him to sleep with her or something there are bigger problems at hand.
Anyway, I agree that the combination of being turned on by the idea of kissing other guys, liking the male attention, and the alcohol could possibly lead to something more. You’re talking to somebody who loves male attention and the feeling it gives me. I also agree that a ton of sudden changes in combination could be a red flag. Has he said that she’s buying lingerie he never sees? Guarding her phone? Had unaccounted for times away from him? I haven’t seen that said but maybe I missed it. For some women, especially when they reach a certain time in their lives, a combination of purely appearance changes doesn’t automatically mean they are looking to open themselves up for business with other men. She’s a wife and mother and has reached a certain time in her life and good for her that she’s lost weight, is feeling sexier, and the waxing may just go along with her efforts to feel hotter, younger, and so on. I think it’s unfair to say any of that automatically means she’s looking to get with other men, even with the fantasies they’ve shared together. Now, there are cases where women do improve their appearances for themselves and/or their spouses initially and as a side effect they gain a lot of confidence, start getting hit on by men that never paid attention to them before, and it all goes to their heads and suddenly they have outgrown their husbands and need something more exciting. I don’t think many married women actually drastically change/improve their appearance with the intention of finding a new man, but sometimes it is a side effect. If you aren’t used to getting that sort of attention before and suddenly you are, I imagine it can be quite intoxicating even without the alcohol involved. Maybe you haven’t felt like a sexual being for a long time and now…
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Evinrude58, I understand where you are coming from. You do what you have to do in order to remove yourself from temptation. Clearly when people think they can take on temptation they often fail as can be seen by multiple members here on this board.
I have to say Evinrude58 was dedicated to his marriage in that respect. I just can’t think of any man (or woman) I know in real life who would do that. This is why it’s just hard for me to comprehend. This is shocking to me, actually. So I guess I just know a lot of selfish people then (quite possible).
I do understand the concept of removing yourself from situations where temptation might be present because it’s something I need to practice myself, I just cannot fathom that a car would put somebody in that many tempting situations where you’d be in contact with any of these women long enough for anything to possibly happen. I guess these women were coming on pretty strong and not leaving him alone, hanging on him in bars, showing him their tatas, propositioning him for a bathroom rendezvous, idk.
I guess I still can’t quite get my head around the idea that people feel the need to remove all sorts of temptation from their lives. Certain things are obvious, like having too much to drink and kissing men at bars is definitely a danger zone for the typical person. But those people who feel the need to put up safeguards to avoid most interaction with the opposite sex, a bit extreme to me. I rather become the type of person who can be in all sorts of tempting situations and not bat an eye. Then I’d feel like the strength and power was within me and that I was truly trustworthy and not “trustworthy” simply because I’ve put all of these extreme safeguards in place. Isn’t it a bad sign when you have to remove the smallest interactions with the opposite sex?
What does that say about you if you can’t even trust yourself or your spouse to get a few winks and phone numbers thrown your way because chicks dig the car and not be tempted? I guess this is something that I actually think about frequently, but not specifically regarding a car…this is just a good example.
I do understand the concept of removing yourself from situations where temptation might be present because it’s something I need to practice myself, I just cannot fathom that a car would put somebody in that many tempting situations where you’d be in contact with any of these women long enough for anything to possibly happen. I guess these women were coming on pretty strong and not leaving him alone, hanging on him in bars, showing him their tatas, propositioning him for a bathroom rendezvous, idk.
I guess I still can’t quite get my head around the idea that people feel the need to remove all sorts of temptation from their lives. Certain things are obvious, like having too much to drink and kissing men at bars is definitely a danger zone for the typical person. But those people who feel the need to put up safeguards to avoid most interaction with the opposite sex, a bit extreme to me. I rather become the type of person who can be in all sorts of tempting situations and not bat an eye. Then I’d feel like the strength and power was within me and that I was truly trustworthy and not “trustworthy” simply because I’ve put all of these extreme safeguards in place. Isn’t it a bad sign when you have to remove the smallest interactions with the opposite sex?
What does that say about you if you can’t even trust yourself or your spouse to get a few winks and phone numbers thrown your way because chicks dig the car and not be tempted? I guess this is something that I actually think about frequently, but not specifically regarding a car…this is just a good example.
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