[Evinrude58]

Any woman going out to clubs regularly and admitting to getting drinks from and dancing with men, and wanting to kiss them—- she’s already screwing or about to screw other men.
She told you she wants to kiss other dudes to your face.

Cheating women don’t tell their men what they are doing. If they admit to x, then x is the tiniest snowflake on top of the tip of the iceberg.
You had a fantasy of another man screwing your own wife???? I can’t wrap my head around that, but prepare for your fantasy to come true. Sadly, you won’t be a party of it unless you catch her in the act.

attention hos are just hoes

 

[Evinrude58]

Your wife is going out clubbing and acting like a single woman. There’s no way to spin this so that it’s all innocent fun.

 

[Evinrude58]

They don’t wax their bushes because they want A peck on the cheek.

 

[Evinrude58]

Yes it is a relevant point here because while it's true that there are some women that are not into clubbing and being hit on by other men, the OP's wife DOES.

She has came right out and stated that she wants the attention, wants to dance with other dudes and has stated upfront to him that she wants to lip-lock with other dudes which is just a lo-carb way of saying she wants to get down with other dudes.
For all intents and purposes, she is saying she wants an open marriage. She wants to be able to have sexual interaction and contact with other men while he babysits at home.

Now it's OK for couples to have an open marriage and it's OK to have sex with other people as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. I'm not judging that.

BUT, the OP needs to understand the risks and needs to understand just what it is that he is up against here and what he stands to lose if he continues to babysit while he sends her out to score with other men.

And he needs to understand and accept human nature, male nature and female nature for what it actually is and not for what he hopes and wishes it to be that is convenient to him.

that’s gold you should stick in your pocket OP.

your wife isn’t shaving all of a sudden because you like it. She’s shaving for other men. You got part of the truth before. All you got this last conversation is ass coverage, minimization, whatcha-wanna hear......, She’s just trying to calm you down so she can go out and get that waxed thing taken care of by a new guy.

Any man whose wife is going out clubbing and his wife tells him she wants to kiss other men, likes their attention, has started dressing differently and shaving their stuff after never or rarely having done it before...,,
The answer to your question is a huge YES.

But your weakness in the relationship and fear of loss is too great for you to tell her you’ve had enough of the dance clubs and late night adventures, and aren’t sharing her with anyone.

You can’t put a raging fire out with a feather. You’ve got yourself an inferno.
And, let me respectfully say that you thinking “you know your wife” and “know when she’s lying” and this and that......
Please understand that there are very few men AND women that were cheated on and lied to that said “hell, I knew all along they were about to cheat and lying to me about it”. There are scores of spouses that never had any clue they were being shaded or that their spouse was capable of such deceit. Your wife is not a special snowflakes that can’t lie to your face and make you believe it. She can, and she already is. What makes it so easy to lie to you is that you WANT to believe the lie with your entire being.

If I had to describe 95% of what you told us your wife said in that conversation, it would be “bovine manure”. She just made you feel better so you’d put your guard down.

I think you’re up a creek without a paddle at this point.

 

[Evinrude58]

Toxic masculinity is feminist code for a man that has options not putting up with ******** that he doesn’t have to put up with.

what the OP needs is a large IV attached to a bigass bag of 180 proof toxic masculinity and say no more clubbing or carry your cheating tail elsewhere after signing papers.

 

[Evinrude58]

Or in the dark corner of the club, or in his car. The OP @BurntEnds sounds like a good guy and his spouse seems like a good lady as well I hope she isn't trying to keep up with her young 20 something girlfriend or mid-life crises and things go to far one night and she crosses that line without really meaning to. I just think letting it continue is asking for trouble, but its his marriage and many have given some great advice. I just hope for the best.

To be honest I should have said it in my reply to his post but really with what he told her about how he felt about some of the stuff she had progress to I would have hoped that his wife would have said after hearing how her GNO and what she had started doing was bothering him that she would have said listen I see the effect my actions are having on you I will no longer go to clubs with my friends and won't flirt with guys or allow them to buy me drinks out of my love for you and respect for our marriage and family.

Yeah, I caught that she made no mention that we know of, of stopping anything either.

 

[Evinrude58]

Don’t mean to harp on you bro, but have you had any word from her on stopping the dancing with other men, drinking with them, kissing them, or going out acting single in general? Your last post does SEEM as if you’re not over a cliff YET, but if you’re still gonna go for her doing what she’s doing, it’s just a matter of time before so e other man is going to come along. No husband can compete with the thrill of a new handsome, interesting guy, telling them how great they are and boosting their ego.
What changes are being made? If none, you’d better get ready for a poo sandwich coming your way.

 

[Evinrude58]

Right, I agree. During our first talk, she even made mention that "I have my ring on so they know I'm taken" to which I scoffed and replied "right, like that is going to stop some horny bastard from going in for the kill". But her mindset was the key here, that she's not putting forth the effort to make men think she is single.

But you are actually believing what she’s telling you. That’s naive. What she’s told you about enjoy you by dancing, enjoying drinks, and WANTING to kiss men—- doesn’t logically match up to what she is saying.

Shes kissing them after they’ve bought her drinks and dancing with Them. She wants more than that.
Do you think she would tell you her mindset if she was wanting to do the deed, or tell you what she’s telling you?

Your marriage will not survive her clubbing, guaranteed.

 

[Evinrude58]

Sudden changes in appearance like waxing, buying lingerie the husband has never seen,
Wearing sexier clothes, unaccounted for time, phone guarding..... red flags.

but op has explained away the waxing.
He’s explained away a lot.

but what he can’t seem to explain away is the fact that she wants to kiss other men, and that she is going out clubbing and enjoying make attention.

when I was married, I sold a ‘68 chevelle that I took a year restoring myself in my spare time.... because it was getting me attention from women, ie pgone numbers and requests...
Because I didn’t want to put myself in a tempting situation. This lady is pursuing it.

 

[Evinrude58]

I have to say Evinrude58 was dedicated to his marriage in that respect. I just can’t think of any man (or woman) I know in real life who would do that. This is why it’s just hard for me to comprehend. This is shocking to me, actually. So I guess I just know a lot of selfish people then (quite possible).


I do understand the concept of removing yourself from situations where temptation might be present because it’s something I need to practice myself, I just cannot fathom that a car would put somebody in that many tempting situations where you’d be in contact with any of these women long enough for anything to possibly happen. I guess these women were coming on pretty strong and not leaving him alone, hanging on him in bars, showing him their tatas, propositioning him for a bathroom rendezvous, idk.

I guess I still can’t quite get my head around the idea that people feel the need to remove all sorts of temptation from their lives. Certain things are obvious, like having too much to drink and kissing men at bars is definitely a danger zone for the typical person. But those people who feel the need to put up safeguards to avoid most interaction with the opposite sex, a bit extreme to me. I rather become the type of person who can be in all sorts of tempting situations and not bat an eye. Then I’d feel like the strength and power was within me and that I was truly trustworthy and not “trustworthy” simply because I’ve put all of these extreme safeguards in place. Isn’t it a bad sign when you have to remove the smallest interactions with the opposite sex?

What does that say about you if you can’t even trust yourself or your spouse to get a few winks and phone numbers thrown your way because chicks dig the car and not be tempted? I guess this is something that I actually think about frequently, but not specifically regarding a car…this is just a good example.

I had lots of numbers I threw away and only accepted out of courtesy.
I wore my ring. I trashed the card or number out at the gas pump or out if sight of the person that gave it.
Until one day a young girl in her late twenties that was gorgeous gave me hers, and I caught myself hesitating when I threw it away. I caught myself actually considering the idea in my head. It was up for sale a week later and I told my wife at the time that it got crappy gas mileage and I always worried about scratching it and I was tired of it. She never knew the real reason.

I wasn’t easily tempted. But that car brought more attention than I was accustomed to. Cici, you fail to consider that you’re gorgeous and have had that kind of attention all your life. You’re accustomed to it. I wasn’t.

 

[Evinrude58]

Thx, I’m not perfect. I don’t think I’m immune to messing up. Matter of fact, I know that I’m capable of misdeeds and do what I can to avoid doing some of the worst ones.

 

[Evinrude58]

IMO, if car a person drives attracts telephone numbers, it isn't person driving the thing that is receiving the attention. Married acquaintance of mine bought a new 'vet when he turned 55. When I asked why ( he was a P/U with gun rack kinda guy ), he told me he got it to facilitate picking up women, 'cause his wife wasn't giving him any attention. I told him it wouldn't end well for him. At 57 he was divorced n the xW owning the 'vet (and about everything else he owned ) and she was picking up guys.

Yes, o totally agree with you. However, being a total introvert, I think it gave a lot of people reason to strike up a conversation with me in spite of my Olympic golden RBF, and when I answered and talked a little and didn’t seem like the serial killer I probably look like..... they were interested in more than the car. Or not.
It could be that the muscle car exuded the idea that I had money I don’t have.... And we all know that is the honey that attracts a lot of flies. I really enjoyed the car. I had a lot of people that would start conversations about it, and I enjoyed driving it. Unlike a lot of old cars, it had a smooth ride and wasn’t all that noisy. It was a comfortable car. I wish I’d have kept it and had I known the future, I’d still own it. I have the knowledge now to put an LS engine and 4l80 transmission in it, and get better fuel mileage and cruise at a lot lower rpm than the power glide gave.
I was happy with my wife, and the car and attention wasn’t important at all to me.

 

[Evinrude58]

Valid points, which is when this last occurred was when she had "one too many" those 2 weeks ago. The most meticulous planner is no longer such a great planner when they are past the point of self control under the influence of alcohol. But as I said in the beginning phases of this thread, I'd been giving her subconscious cues that her going that far was a-okay in my book, which thanks to our "comfort/discomfort" conversations, she understands my positions now. During getting hot and heavy, I would literally tell her things like, "sometimes I imagine you getting home late and having your brains screwed out by another man at his place". I think that would certainly leave any woman thinking "I think he's okay with me banging other guys". We had never visited these discussions in "the light of day" until this week. Do I think her bringing these things up during that night of concern was her planning things in her head? Absolutely. The thing is she never knew my clear boundaries because we never had those conversations. She knows now that I'm okay with her feelings attractive and good about herself while out with the gals, but that I'm totally not open with her actually getting her brains banged out at another man's place. I feel like fantasy and reality was VERY blurred in our relationship and this week has helped to clear much of it up.

yeah, you definitely said some crazy **** for a man to tell his wife in any context.
Glad you kinda figured that out. I still am kinda worried for you, with this going out stuff. But at least your wife seems to still enjoy your company and likes having sex with you, so maybe you’ll be ok.

The quote above: probAbly the craziest thing I’ve ever heard a man tell his wife, knowing she goes out to clubs with girlfriends some. Which, btw, I think is a bad idea for anyone.
Good luck