Hi, new member here.....concerned about a conversation I had with my wife last night so I am coming here for feedback.
So my wife and I have been happily married for about 15 years. We have 2 kids and we have a trusting relationship with little to no bumps, just the usual nitpicky stuff here and there but nothing major. Neither of us has ever cheated on each other, however, for the majority of our marriage, we have always expressed our fantasies with one another when getting intimate. The most common fantasies have been the two of us with another man joining in (typically my fantasy) or her and another man with me in the same room watching (all her fantasy). Through the years, this has been our typical "dirty talk" and we have always discussed that it's just that and nothing more. She usually brings up, "I'm a mother and I would just feel immense shame afterwards" so there is a track record of this just being dirty talk.
My wife goes out with her girlfriends every now and then, maybe twice a month and usually to a karaoke bar or a brewhouse. I on the other hand generally stay home with the kids and just keep to myself, I don't really have any friends and really just keep my free time confined to my family.
Anyways, about 2 weeks ago, my wife went out with the girls and maybe had a little too much to drink as she was hungover the next day. Well last night, we were getting intimate and talking dirty. Lately she has been losing weight and started waxing "down there" and she has been feeling sexier and more confident which is something that she has always struggled with (i.e. low self esteem). Well, during our dirty talk, I asked her things like, "do you notice guys looking at you when you go out?" and she starts giggling and recounts that night 2 weeks ago and says that yes, men were looking at her that night and some even bought her drinks. During our foreplay, I tried to get more information out of her, while still in the guise of "fantasy mode" and she starts saying things like, "what would you let me do with other men?" I ask her "what do you want to do?" And she says "are you okay if I flirt with other men?" I say sure, and she asks if I am okay if a man buys her a drink and dances with her. Again, I say sure, just to gather more "now very real" information and I ask her "what else do you want to do?" To which she says "I want to kiss other men". At this point, I am alarmed, and I feel like I am much to blame given our ongoing fantasies, so after we are done being intimate, I ask her "how much of what we discussed was just fantasy?" We had a 2 hour conversation and she tells me essentially that she doesn't want to sleep with other men, that she just enjoys the confidence boost, the free drinks and likes to dance. We discuss kissing, to which I say "kissing on the mouth is basically where cheating starts". That basically caused her to sink into her shell because she knew that was the nail on the head for me. She then disagrees and says it depends on how it's done. I ask her for examples and she says a peck on the cheek as a "thanks for the dance/drink" is wholly different than a full fledged makeout session. I tell her, "would you be uncomfortable with me kissing another woman?" And she circles back to "if it's a little peck, I wouldn't care but if it was open mouth with tongue, then yeah I would be upset".
So basically after this long discussion, we establish that a guy buying her a drink, some dancing and flirting is "fine" but that kissing is where I see the start of being unfaithful. She says the attention she gets is what causes her to come home extra frisky and is why she always wants to jump my bones lately.
I never fell asleep, and I still have knots in my stomach just recounting the whole ordeal but really I'm just worried that this is now the beginning of a difficult to manage situation. I feel like she "has permission" to go further than she's gone before with "kissing" being the line in the sand, but I know that if it ever gets to that point, human nature is bound to throw caution to the wind and just deal with the ramifications later, especially when the types of men that are solely going to bars go to basically get laid.
I hope I can solicit some female responses as I feel her situation is relatable. Of course, all feedback is welcome.
-Troubled in Texas