[4thtwin]

This is part of marrying someone who has other family namely children and grandchildren. I am so grateful that my own husband has always welcomed my children and grandchilren as his own. Its just for a couple of weeks before and a week after, thats such a short time. If she loves her husband then why would she act this way? Its just selfish. They care for her grandchild regularly and he is happy with that.

This is part of marrying someone who has other family namely children and grandchildren. I am so grateful that my own husband has always welcomed my children and grandchilren as his own. Its just for a couple of weeks before and a week after, thats such a short time. If she loves her husband then why would she act this way? Its just selfish. They care for her grandchild regularly and he is happy with that.

I think some people think that once you become and adult, be it 18, 21, or what have you, that you are on your own. I come from a very close family. 2 parents married for over 60 years. 6 other siblings, and we all still get together at the parent's house to reconnect and have fun. We have always been close and everyone is excited about the birth of this, our parent's first biological great-grandchild. My wife's family is not as close as ours. My wife's parents lives less than 10 miles away from us and she probably hasn't seen them in weeks. I doubt my wife has even seen her parents any this year. I see mine several times a week just to check on them. My daughter needs my/our help right now and I think it would be wrong not to do whatever we can to support her. No, we're not independently wealthy by any means. We work hard for what we got and we love all our grandkids, but this will be my first biological grandchild. I'm just trying to show her I'm here for her as I have been since she was born. I also want my step-sons to succeed but until they get their heads on right they are going to struggle.

 

[NextTimeAround]

Life long poor decisions have a way of being yet more life long poor decisions. If you hang around trash you end up smelling like garbage.

I can't help but agree even though what's done is done.

I really don't understand women who allow themselves to get pregnant in a fly by night relationship. IMO, she should be living with the baby daddy or she makes him wear a condom.

Regarding the son, have you and your wife looked into any community programming that can help former felons?

 

[NextTimeAround]

My wife thinks 2 or 3 days after the birth is enough time to get use to being a mom.

That's certainly what the hospitals and insurance companies think.

 

[Livvie]

Having a pregnant woman and then, her and a newborn come into your house to stay for weeks is huge. HUGE.

It's way different than a parent going to visit their child at their own house to help out. Even that can be difficult. I'll direct your attention to the forum DWIL nation and new mothers who put down all sorts of boundaries about people staying with them. Many many people feel uncomfortable with guests. And yeah, it's a guest. This is an adult woman, added to that not her daughter, not someone she raised.

Regarding the Netflix.... your daughter should have given over the TV and hung out to watch what you and your wife wanted to. Already your wife is being pushed out of her living room and into the bedroom. Yikes.

If you had a bigger house I think this wouldn't be as much of a problem.

 

[4thtwin]

Having a pregnant woman and then, her and a newborn come into your house to stay for weeks is huge. HUGE.

It's way different than a parent going to visit their child at their own house to help out. Even that can be difficult. I'll direct your attention to the forum DWIL nation and new mothers who put down all sorts of boundaries about people staying with them. Many many people feel uncomfortable with guests. And yeah, it's a guest. This is an adult woman, added to that not her daughter, not someone she raised.

Regarding the Netflix.... your daughter should have given over the TV and hung out to watch what you and your wife wanted to. Already your wife is being pushed out of her living room and into the bedroom. Yikes.

If you had a bigger house I think this wouldn't be as much of a problem.

I honestly don't see the TV thing as a major issue. WE have a TV in every room in our house, including the kitchen. We had been over to my wife's sister's place for several hours and my daughter was just lounging on the sofa watching Netflix. No, she shouldn't have just given up the TV simply because we were now home. We're not tyrants that demand everything change the minute we walk in. It was no problem with us going to our bedroom. If you normally park in the same spot at work each day then one day you get there and there's another car in that spot do you demand they move their car? No, you find another spot.

 

[Livvie]

I think you aren't grasping how big of an ask it is to have an adult and then an adult and a newborn stay with you.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

She shares her place with another woman, so not really convenient for him to go there.

But that's her home and where she's going to be raising the baby. It's not convenient any way you go about it.

 

[lifeistooshort]

YOU don't see the TV thing as a big deal.

Your wife does, and therein lies your problem. Things that bother her in her own home are dismissed as no big deal because they're not a big deal to you. Even if you don't end up doing anything about it you might at least acknowledge that your wife might be bothered by things that don't bother you and she's entitled to feel how she feels.

I hope you two work this out, because your daughter is going to be there with a newborn for a lot longer then you realize.

I also hope you plan on getting up at night and not eyeballing your wife to do it because you imagine she should have some kind of mother instincts for someone else's baby.

 

[SunCMars]

Seems to me that having your pregnant daughter with an impending newborn in the house is a pretty freaking big inconvenience that's she's agreed to.

Are you sure you want to argue over things like dresser drawers and Netflix?

I love this answer!!

Thank your Stars if you have normal lives and problems.

.....................................................
@4thtwin is so weary and (now) thin skinned, he has lost his manliness.
Don't sweat the small stuff.

.........................................

Buy another damn dresser.

If money is tight, buy one at Goodwill, or some other 2nd hand place.

 

[SunCMars]

With all the participants present, state the length of the stay.
This time period, needs to to be agreed on, firstly with your wife.

.................................................................................................

That said, bless, both of you for being so generous with your home.
But, there has to be limits on these things.

You have already raised your children. Their children are theirs.

Ah, so easy to say....and mean.
Mean, and not to be mean!

It is the babies that suffer.

Adults must carry their own load.

This world is unraveling, with so many broken people having babies.

 

[Diceplayer]

YOU don't see the TV thing as a big deal.

Your wife does, and therein lies your problem. Things that bother her in her own home are dismissed as no big deal because they're not a big deal to you. Even if you don't end up doing anything about it you might at least acknowledge that your wife might be bothered by things that don't bother you and she's entitled to feel how she feels.

I hope you two work this out, because your daughter is going to be there with a newborn for a lot longer then you realize.

I also hope you plan on getting up at night and not eyeballing your wife to do it because you imagine she should have some kind of mother instincts for someone else's baby.

^^^THIS^^^
I'm not saying that you should not help your daughter. This is not an either/or situation. I'm just saying that your wife does not feel the same as you and does not look at the situation the same as you. And just because she doesn't feel the same way as you does not make her selfish. It will get worse for your wife after the baby arrives. What I am saying is that you need to pay some special attention to your wife right now because she may be feeling that she is being pushed aside. Talk to her!

 

[DownByTheRiver]

Good luck working at home with a screaming baby in the background. I hope your wife isn't also trying to work at home. There's just no reason at all for you to be moving your wife's stuff and replacing it with your daughters if it's temporary.

And you need to tell your daughter to stay away from your wife's TV and space your wife is relaxing in.

 

[SunCMars]

Yep, boundaries; those pesky walls need erecting, and maintained.

 

[SunCMars]

Kindness cannot be divided, and then sub-divided.
Someone is going to get the short straw, and then be unhappy.
Watered down kindness, angers, more than sates.

Love is wonderful, but it has its limits.
It must be, lest we bleed ourselves dry.
Dry as old saints, laying in tombs.

 

[Torninhalf]

This is his daughter and his first grandchild. New mothers need help especially in the first few days and weeks. I can’t even comprehend not being willing to disrupt my “routine” for a few weeks to help. People are so selfish.

 

[Girl_power]

Imo your daughter should be showing gratitude. She needs to know she is a guest, and she shouldn’t get too comfortable, because this isn’t like living back home with mom and dad.
I don’t know what your daughters behavior is, but she should be cleaning up after herself, putting away her dishes, thank you so much for letting me stay here, is there anything I can do to help? Blah blah blah.

As far as the clothes go, I don’t blame your wife.

The think the problem is, you want your daughter to feel at home, and create an environment that is like her home. Her room etc. and your wife wants it to be known that this isn’t her home, this is in fact you and your wife’s home and you guys are nice enough to allow her to stay there for a few weeks. So not to get too comfortable.

I don’t know how your daughter is acting, but if she is getting too entitled and too comfortable that is not going to fly with your wife, if your wife is feeling all the inconveniences. If she has to change her life, do more work for your daughter and your daughter not being gracious can really rub people the wrong way.

 

[Girl_power]

Good luck working at home with a screaming baby in the background. I hope your wife isn't also trying to work at home. There's just no reason at all for you to be moving your wife's stuff and replacing it with your daughters if it's temporary.

And you need to tell your daughter to stay away from your wife's TV and space your wife is relaxing in.

I agree.

This isn’t like she is coming over and visiting, then no one would care about the tv situation. This is about a girl who may be getting too comfortable. I bet if she was more respectful and gracious the wife wouldn’t mind it as much.

Just putting myself in that girls shoes... I wouldn’t be expecting people to just take care of me and rearrange their life. Unless of course the dad gave her that impression.
I hope he didn’t tell her, oh come live with us, we can give you your own room and it will be yours, and we can help take care of you and the baby. We would love too! I think the key is setting up realistic expectations to her. This girl needs to Figure out her long term situation instead of watching tv.

 

[Livvie]

This is his daughter and his first grandchild. New mothers need help especially in the first few days and weeks. I can’t even comprehend not being willing to disrupt my “routine” for a few weeks to help. People are so selfish.

New mothers do need help. New mothers perhaps should make sure they can properly care for any children they decide to have, along with the father of their children, though. That's what being an adult and a parent is. This new mother is becoming a child though, and needs her own parent to step in and parent both her and her child.

Help to new mothers who are adults and ready to be parents themselves usually comes in the form of help from the father of the child, and grandparents coming in to the new parents' house for a bit to lend a hand, or nannies.

It's not the norm to move in with your parents again when you have a child.

OP's wife is putting up with a lot.

I can't even imagine having a newborn (not mine) in the house with no option of getting away because the newborn is visiting MY house.

It's going to be miserable.

 

[4thtwin]

This is his daughter and his first grandchild. New mothers need help especially in the first few days and weeks. I can’t even comprehend not being willing to disrupt my “routine” for a few weeks to help. People are so selfish.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Yes, this is my first "official" grandchild but not my first grandchild. My step-son has 2 children and one we open our home to every other weekend and we love, absolutely love having her here. She is the princess of the house when she's here. We have been telling her that there will be another princess coming and she's excited about it.

I just love how people think this is just my wife's house and I need to run everything through her for approval. Right to an extent. But WE did discuss my daughter coming here for a few weeks because she fully knows the situation with my daughter's roommate and her child's father. I'm her dad and I want to make sure she had adequate and fast transportation to the hospital when she goes into labor. No one is pushing my wife to the back burner but in this case my wife needs to understand a little more. This is my only child and I'll do anything within reason to help her out. But then again, this is not just her house and I'm not just a tenant, roommate, or border. I have just as much say so as she does. I think too many times guys like to coward down to their wives for fear of retaliation. My wife and I are a partnership. She doesn't make all the rules and I just follow them. If I'm coming across as harsh then I'm sorry but I refuse to just stand in the shadows of my wife like a good little husband. We are a team. Even if a family member or friend stops by for a visit that is a disruption to any home so I can understand the inconvenience in that but we're talking about someone who is fearful of first of all bringing a new life into the world and secondly need some guidance before and after she's born. I love my wife ands I love my daughter but right now my daughter needs me a little more than my wife does.

 

[Openminded]

New mothers do need help. New mothers perhaps should make sure they can properly care for any children they decide to have, along with the father of their children, though. That's what being an adult and a parent is. This new mother is becoming a child though, and needs her own parent to step in and parent both her and her child.

Help to new mothers who are adults and ready to be parents themselves usually comes in the form of help from the father of the child, and grandparents coming in to the new parents' house for a bit to lend a hand, or nannies.

It's not the norm to move in with your parents again when you have a child.

OP's wife is putting up with a lot.

I can't even imagine having a newborn (not mine) in the house with no option of getting away because the newborn is visiting MY house.

It's going to be miserable.

I agree. When each of my grandchildren arrived, I went to their house early every morning for the first month to spend the day and help with whatever was needed.

The days were very long and I was exhausted when my “shift” was over. I can’t begin to imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn’t been able to go home every evening to peace and quiet.

It takes more than a couple of days to adjust to a new baby. My guess is that she’ll be there for awhile.