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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am 43 and have been with my wife for 21 years. I will keep this brief.

I was very close to my Mum and Dad, i lost my Mum to MND in October 2008, I lost my dad to Prostate Cancer in December 2011. My Brother in law was Killed in a RTA in January 2012. I Lost my Job for no reason in September 2012 - i had to take them to court - all I can say is that it is resolved :)

It was hard to find the type of work i was in, i had worked hard to get where I was. So After chatting to a few, i decided to set my own company up.

The court stuff was sorted by February 2013, i started my company in March 2013.

My wife seemed distant, from February 2013 and we did not connect. I thought I could be to blame, as I had a lot on my plate with no work, the court case and then starting my own company.

I Approached her in March 2013 and asked if anything was wrong, she said no. I apologised if I was distant as I had a lot on. I asked again and she still said nothing was wrong.

I noticed she started texting more, also on her IPAD a lot. Being a little curious, i looked at her phone Bill, which I pay for. Her texts had Increased from 200, to 700 to 3100 texts a month! I wondered what was going on. So i rang some numbers that she contacted regularly - Men Answered! She was just going away to see a friend on her own. I did not like doing this, but i monitored her Texts. She sent around 50 -80 texts between midnight and one in the morning. Also she must have work at 3.30 am and texted him again.

When she returned I confronted her and asked if she had been contacted guys - she said no - i said what about this number, oh errh yes ok, but its just banter. Anyone else i asked, she replied no, what about this number - oh ok, but its just banter. Anyone else? No, she replied - So i called a number in front of her - what about this guy! - i asked how many, but she wouldn't give me a straight answer - kept saying it was banter. I did point out that you don't just banter at midnight and waking up to text someone at 3.30am, is not banter!

Anyway -somehow i tried to move on with her, she stopped texting these guys - but i don't know if she contacts them another way. I also said she needs to be a little intimate with me - click kiss or cuddle me once and a while!

3 weeks later and no intimacy! So i asked what was wrong and did she still love me

She replied i don't know if i love you and i don't know what i want. I think we need space!

So I have now moved out giving her space, she seems to think i will be back in four weeks and we will carry on.

The more i am away, the less i want to return.

Grief has hit me hard since I Found out she might be cheating. I am also unable to concentrate on the business.

At a time I needed her, she decides she wants space to sort out her life.

She has never needed to work, I pay for Everything!

All i can say is I am a little pissed off, and in Limbo at the moment!

Forgot to mention, we have four kids - 20, 18, 10 and 7 and they mean the world to me. I see them every-other day as I try and get them from school, i also see them at the weekend, as i take them swimming and park etc.
 

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"So I have now moved out giving her space, she seems to think i will be back in four weeks and we will carry on."

SCREEEEECH!!! Put the brakes on that, buddy. Right now.

You must stay in the house.

I repeat: You MUST stay in the house.

She's the one with the disloyal behaviour. If anyone should leave, it's her. You leaving jeapordizes your position in a divorce, if that's where this is headed. You need to protect yourself from this woman. Please go see a lawyer ASAP.

What she's engaging in is addictive behaviour. She's not going to stop.
 

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I would ask a mod to move this thread to the Coping with Infidelity subforum.

You'll get great advice there.

BTW, by moving out you just gave her freedom to pursue her affairs without your interference.
 

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She is cheating on you.

Time to get tough.

Moving out is viewed as abandonment by you.

Move back in and get tough. Find out who the guy is and if he is married or not. If he is tell his wife.

Being strong and confident is your only option here.

Separate finances immediately. Take half the money out of the joint account and set up your own and put your money in there. Close credit cards immediately. Remove her access to your money. You do the grocery shopping, bill paying, and buying the childrens needs. Do not pay her to cheat on you.

She needs to be treated like a cheater. This is hard but deep down she will respect you for it. Mainly you will respect yourself for it. She wants to separate then show her the downside of a life without you. Only discuss kids and money with her. Nothing else!

You cannot nice your way out of this.

If you are ready, visit an attorney and serve her with divorce papers. Most importantly CRUSH her affair.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks guys. I will be moving back in before I make any decision on Divorce. As for who the guy is, well she was texting about 6 guys! From chatting to them on song Pop, so if anyone's else's wife is playing that be warned! 21 years is a long time and something I could do without at the moment. I do need to man up and take control, I am normally assertive as I was a Manger/Director in previous roles. Will keep you updated!
 

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You also need to deploy voice activated recorders to hear what she is saying to them when she talks to them when she is alone.

You should also be tracker her via a GPS. Either via her phone or a GPS.

From your description of her being out , with late texting, a break, then texting at 3am - that was her hooking up with someone. The 3 am texting was her saying she has a great time had sage was sorry she had to leave for home and that she's looking forward to the next romp.
 

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Definitely visit the Coping with Infidelity forum. They'll be able to tell you where to find the software you need to read her texts (maybe even deleted ones?) and all sorts of other stuff.

I'm sorry you're here. I don't know what the **** in your thread title is, but it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.
 

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Ask a mod to move this for you.
 

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I know that you are in a lot of pain right now but, you need to listen and act right now. You are given very good advice here, use it. God bless and good luck David
 
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