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I’ve dated my husband since 2001 and married in 2016. I grew up in a home where my parents never showed affection to one another and never said I love you. There was a lot of pride and resentment between them and they’re together because they pretty much settled. Since being married, we had a baby (2.5 years old) and I feel like the responsibilities as a mom and wife have become very overwhelming to the point that I’m always in a bad mood. He helps as much as he can but he also works 12 hour shifts so it’s sometimes hard for him to be able to help after long days. I work from home and my mother in law and mom help with childcare so I don’t have much alone time or a social life. Working from home and wearing so many hats has made me bitter and angrier. My husband has been complaining for years about my anger and also my lack of affection. I’ve sort of brushed it off thinking he doesn’t understand how overwhelmed I am. We’ve been trying for baby # 2 for a while now with no luck. We’ve had 2 failed ivf cycles and just had an early miscarriage 2 weeks ago (I was 6 weeks). We got into a huge fight and he confessed that he’s no longer happy in the relationship and hasn’t been for a while. It’s hard for me to admit but I’m not very happy either. He told me that he doesn’t know what to do about us. I’m completely heartbroken. He said he’s tired of my attitude and anger all the time. He said he’s open to couple’s therapy but said that we just have fundamental differences and he doubts that I will change. I told him I’m willing to seek my own therapy to heal from my anger and deep-rooted trauma. He’s still saying he doesn’t know if it will work. I’m so afraid. Ive never felt so crushed. He tells me he still loves/cares about me and assured me there’s nobody else which I don’t doubt. He still texts and calls throughout the day and tells me he loves me. Ive significantly shown more affection and have even been way more intimate with him than before. Tonight he told me that he appreciates the effort but that sex wasn’t going to be the solution. I felt completely rejected. He said he’s felt rejected for a long time. I’ve told him many times that I want to fight for this marriage. He tells me he understand but can’t give me an answer as to what he wants to do. Should I continue trying to work things out? I’m confused by his words/actions and I feel like I’m in limbo. I’m so afraid of losing him. I love him so much. I’m also afraid of splitting up our family/home. This has been quite the wake up call for me and I’m willing to put in the work to save my marriage. Any advice is appreciated.
 

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I think your path here is for YOU to do individual counseling and get those demons you have under control.
You need to show HIM that you are working on that (REALLY working on your anger, and not being able to show affection). Without this, the marriage counseling isn't going to work.
Ask him for time for you to do the IC, show him that you are improving. Also for the both of you -- MAKE TIME for each other. Go out on dates (no that does NOT mean sex -- although that can happen), go for a walk together, etc..

Try to have FUN instead of being so down all the time about things. Yes things are stressful, but you DO have help with the baby, and I do get that you don't get as much alone time. While they are there, why don't YOU go out for a walk, get your hair done, grab lunch with friends, etc.. USE some of their help to get that space you need.

He is still texting, still loves you -- it's his frustration with your anger and he doesn't think you will change or get that under control, and he doesn't want to live like that for the rest of his life. SHOW him the work, SHOW him you can control your anger and you can show affection. Once you do that, I think things may improve between you both.
 
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