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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you don't want kids, is there even a point to marrying someone?

Everyone talks about not being alone & having someone to come home to. I am a loner, so I guess those things don't have any value to me.

it just seems like you do a lot of compromising & tolerating of things you don't like - for what?

You can certainly live w/o the person, as you did before you knew him/her. What is so great about always being put out after you reach a certain age?
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If you don't want kids, is there even a point to marrying someone?

Everyone talks about not being alone & having someone to come home to. I am a loner, so I guess those things don't have any value to me.

it just seems like you do a lot of compromising & tolerating of things you don't like - for what?

You can certainly live w/o the person, as you did before you knew him/her. What is so great about always being put out after you reach a certain age?
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What do you mean by the bolded part? What has he done this time?

Marriage doesn't work for everyone. But for some, they enjoy the companionship and exclusivity. Throughout life, we compromise and tolerate many things we don't like. I don't even look at my marriage in that light.

So, what happened?
 

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it just seems like you do a lot of compromising & tolerating of things you don't like - for what?
Life itself is a lot of compromising & tolerating of things you don't like.
Is life really all that its cranked up to be?
Life i what you make it.
Marriage is what the two of you make it.

Two is much better than one.

Your view may vary.
 

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I always preferred to be alone when I was growing up, and well into my 20's. I enjoyed my own company (more than I enjoyed most people's), and I'm pretty lazy so I like to veg out, do chores at my own pace (i.e slowly, or not at all), and when I had periods of social activity, nothing felt better than coming home (to my own place) and being quiet, alone, and relaxed. I was never pro-marriage, and had never really known any married couples, let alone happily married ones.

Then I met my husband, and being with him is exactly as amazing as being alone. Being with him doesn't feel like being 'social', because he immediately became part of me, like we're on the same brain wavelength or something.

Not to mention chores get done faster with two people doing them, and the lump sum in taxes he got returned just for being married was awesome, and considering my immigration status, nothing feels better than knowing that because marriage as an institution is so strong, that no force on this earth, not political or legal or physical, can ever keep us apart. Just feels amazing.

While I do want children, this time of being married without children has been so worth it. As far as any compromising we've done, it's mostly between 'what I/we want' vs. 'what he/we can afford' anyway, which is the kind of compromise we all have to make, single or married. None of us have unlimited finances.

So yes, for me marriage is definitely all it's cracked up to be (and more). Your results may vary.
 

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I'm a hopeless romantic, so being married has fulfilled my dream of sharing my life with my lover. I have grown so much as a person through being married. My husband has shown me different ways of thinking. He helped me to overcome my disgust with being short. He has helped me to stop caring about what others think of me. He has taught me what it means to forgive another person, and to forgive myself for faults.

Some days I am amazed that he loves me so much, but I can not imagine my life without sharing the joys and sorrows with him. He understands me; he knows me. There is something profound about being known by another human being.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
What do you mean by the bolded part? What has he done this time?

Marriage doesn't work for everyone. But for some, they enjoy the companionship and exclusivity. Throughout life, we compromise and tolerate many things we don't like. I don't even look at my marriage in that light.

So, what happened?
Maricha, you are killing me. Thank you for making me smile.

Just tired of a grown man who seems to not understand boundaries, respect & my not trusting him w/ my heart.

I work a lot & my job is 99.9% being put upon to make clients happy. I feel like I am always on the "defense," waiting for the next stupid thing he does that pisses me off. He never does things TO piss me off per se. He is just talented at doing just that.

I am trying to figure out why I am even w/ him. A lot of times I am doing something I don't want to be doing (having sex, going somewhere I don't want to...) and feeling unhappy about it.

I don't need him financially or for anything else really. So...what purport does our union serve?
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm a hopeless romantic, so being married has fulfilled my dream of sharing my life with my lover. I have grown so much as a person through being married. My husband has shown me different ways of thinking. He helped me to overcome my disgust with being short. He has helped me to stop caring about what others think of me. He has taught me what it means to forgive another person, and to forgive myself for faults.

Some days I am amazed that he loves me so much, but I can not imagine my life without sharing the joys and sorrows with him. He understands me; he knows me. There is something profound about being known by another human being.
I am so happy for you. This is what I always dreamed of for myself. He loves me a lot. But as time goes on, I don't feel so strongly anymore. I think we are the wrong people for each other. It is a wondrous thing to have what you do.
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I always preferred to be alone when I was growing up, and well into my 20's. I enjoyed my own company (more than I enjoyed most people's), and I'm pretty lazy so I like to veg out, do chores at my own pace (i.e slowly, or not at all), and when I had periods of social activity, nothing felt better than coming home (to my own place) and being quiet, alone, and relaxed. I was never pro-marriage, and had never really known any married couples, let alone happily married ones.

Then I met my husband, and being with him is exactly as amazing as being alone. Being with him doesn't feel like being 'social', because he immediately became part of me, like we're on the same brain wavelength or something.

Not to mention chores get done faster with two people doing them, and the lump sum in taxes he got returned just for being married was awesome, and considering my immigration status, nothing feels better than knowing that because marriage as an institution is so strong, that no force on this earth, not political or legal or physical, can ever keep us apart. Just feels amazing.

While I do want children, this time of being married without children has been so worth it. As far as any compromising we've done, it's mostly between 'what I/we want' vs. 'what he/we can afford' anyway, which is the kind of compromise we all have to make, single or married. None of us have unlimited finances.

So yes, for me marriage is definitely all it's cracked up to be (and more). Your results may vary.
My results do vary. Too bad for me.
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
What do you mean by the bolded part? What has he done this time?

Marriage doesn't work for everyone. But for some, they enjoy the companionship and exclusivity. Throughout life, we compromise and tolerate many things we don't like. I don't even look at my marriage in that light.

So, what happened?
After a certain age, you don't have to or don't feel inclined to be bothered w/ things or people that irritate you. If you don't need man in a practical way, what's the point? I am self-sufficient & would rather be by myself than tolerate crap that I don't have to. I am tired of comprising for what I feel is no return on my investment.

Smoking dope w/ your friends &going to strip clubs after a certain age just seems pathetic.
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For me personally, I have an annoying sexual organ which from time to time... takes over the decision-making processes in my brain. My body only has enough blood to run one system at a time, and the sexual organ tends to get priority.

But, if I had to make the choice again. No I wouldn't have married. The whole arrangement is doing my head in. It just works for some, doesn't work for others, but for me -> I just fell into the trap of the mating ritual.
 

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If you don't want kids, is there even a point to marrying someone?

Everyone talks about not being alone & having someone to come home to. I am a loner, so I guess those things don't have any value to me.

it just seems like you do a lot of compromising & tolerating of things you don't like - for what?

You can certainly live w/o the person, as you did before you knew him/her. What is so great about always being put out after you reach a certain age?
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Marriage isn't for everyone so yes and no. I think people who are comfortable in their own skin and ok with being alone at least have a choice about it. Too many people settle because they're afraid of being alone. Or they hop from one relationship to the next usually cheating in the process.
 

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After a certain age, you don't have to or don't feel inclined to be bothered w/ things or people that irritate you. If you don't need man in a practical way, what's the point? I am self-sufficient & would rather be by myself than tolerate crap that I don't have to. I am tired of comprising for what I feel is no return on my investment.

Smoking dope w/ your friends &going to strip clubs after a certain age just seems pathetic.
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This sounds very much like a husband problem and not a marriage problem.
 

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I'm a hopeless romantic, so being married has fulfilled my dream of sharing my life with my lover. I have grown so much as a person through being married. My husband has shown me different ways of thinking. He helped me to overcome my disgust with being short. He has helped me to stop caring about what others think of me. He has taught me what it means to forgive another person, and to forgive myself for faults.

Some days I am amazed that he loves me so much, but I can not imagine my life without sharing the joys and sorrows with him. He understands me; he knows me. There is something profound about being known by another human being.
This is how I/we feel....Me & mine are both pathetic Hopeless Romantics... last night a song came on...

I grabbed him & we danced...it was ...Even Though We Ain't Got Money, I'm so in love with you Honey ..... a few minutes earlier I was talking about how so many on this forum seem to get off on brow beating Nice Guys....saying they are all clingy, weak, and women loose attraction to them... my Husband listens and says back....."what's wrong with clingy?"...

Moments later when we danced.... he looks down at me & says "If you wasn't clingy, you wouldn't be mushy"... I think he's right... so :wtf:WTF... I'm clingy then... and you know what... He loves it :)... and I love it :).... I buried my face in his chest and teared up, so thankful we have each other & feel this connection Alive & full, nothing in life can compare with that.

Marriage is not a chore to me....I love pleasing my man.... having him walk into my life has been the greatest blessing I have ever known... If that makes me weak, vulnerable, needy , pathetic even...that I need, want & crave my husband like a thirsty flower every day.... I'll take that.


I'd rather not be alone. But that's me... He used to be somewhat of a self admitted Loner... that all changed when we met.

 

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What is a 27 year marriage to me, an introvert who thinks a perfect day involves a good book and quite possibly no other human on the planet?

It doesn't matter, because I'm me and you're you. If you have to ask the question, you probably already know the answer.
 

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If you don't want kids, is there even a point to marrying someone?

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yes.at least I and STBXH did. we both agreed not to have children since we were dating.
7 billion humans and counting, and here every married couple have 2-4 kids and life is getting hard. they believe that their children will take good care of them when the time calls; and i hate this idea. it's like raising children is a debt or investment you can collect later. maybe that puts me in the misanthropic zone, but i really don't see the reason of why we have to contribute to the gene pool or force my kids to do something they don't want to.

What is so great about always being put out after you reach a certain age?
everybody dies, and im happy to die by my own terms. not that great, but death itself is neither great - not great.it's just death.
 

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No. I am very glad to have my two children, but the marriage part is bringing me down. I think it would be better to just be single and not deal with it anymore.
 
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