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Discussion Starter #1
So it's no secret on here that my wife and I have been having many many problems and that we have ugly arguements all the time loaded with insults, and now we have reached a point where we feel we might be done and that seperation is on the horizon. But instead of just doing it in a knee jerk reaction type of way with anger and venom, we have agreed to just get through the holidays and make our final decision in January.

So is this weird or the mature thing to do or has anyone else also done this?
 

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Not weird... my wife and I agreed on a January checkpoint also.

We agreed once again this month to a "new" marriage path so this is a check-up of what happened since Octobers Talk.

We may still end up divorced but will set up additional checkpoints as needed until we resolve on way or another... they will get more frequent as we move towards my self-imposed year 4 deadline since ILYNILWY. January... March...April...May... you get the idea.

Pretty sure things will resolve from sexless to sexual so we can stop the checkpoints.

Perhaps do like I'm doing and do a distant.... final decision point. Mines 13 months away. Gives us both a chance to work on things from respective ends

This is much of what therapy would advise. Helps if you can gain commitment though.
If there is any Love this may be the way to go...if not you should just get it over with.
 

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Use the time to research rules for effective arguing and for definitions of verbal abuse. There are many articles on the above and if you find and share these with one another it may be productive.

No it's not weird. And it does allow for a cooling off period.
 

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Agree learn how to argue constructively from here until January.

Heck I gave my wife an agenda via e-mail before our October talk so she knew what the topics were. It helped as I gave her time to think about what she wanted to say. She realized she couldn't squirm out of it is time we talked for well over an hour. Gained solid commitments and agreed on the future checkpoint.

Marital impasse resolution 101

One thing I notice... in having discussions over the years... you do get a sense she is listening more. Sure both spouses are interested in resolving an impasse...makes sense. pretty sure January's conversation will go smoother as we can reference the work done in Octobers one. I hope for some sex results in-between... doubt she'll want to go into that conversation still sexless.

Take charge and affect change.. control YOU.
 

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I think it's what many people do. Maybe in the mean time, with the "pressure off", you can perhaps make things better. I dunno. Wish you well.
 

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We are "reevaluating the relationship" in about a month.
I don't know if I want to start the holidays (thanksgiving, Christmas and new year) with him if we're heading for divorce.
It's comforting not to be the only one in this situation.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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No, not weird at all. Also, a lot of people reevaluate in the new year and unfortunately, a lot of relationships end over Christmas and in the weeks following. At least you both know where you stand and are on the same page :)
 

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My STBXW came into my study in March, 2011 and announced that a "trial separation" was in order and should commence in May, 2011, greatly in conjunction with my two son's getting out of school for the academic year.

Little did I know that she was already fastly in the process of having EA's/PA's with her two OMen in their state locales, and then coming back home to sleep with me as her husband, like nothing had ever happened!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
The thing is that both of our families are very fond of the both of us and the feelings are mutual; so besides the fact that being split up right before the holidays is damn depressing enough, we also don't wanna drag everyone else's holidays into the mud either by showing up at our family events all depressed.
 

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If the home situation is amicable and your both happy... sure it's ok!
We all do our own version of OK.

Lets everyone have a easy holiday season. Why not.

Just no more verbal bashing of each other...nothing very festive about that is there??
 

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Discussion Starter #12
If the home situation is amicable and your both happy... sure it's ok!
We all do our own version of OK.

Lets everyone have a easy holiday season. Why not.

Just no more verbal bashing of each other...nothing very festive about that is there??
Yeah barring a major loud blowup we plan on trying to keep things calm and civilized throughout the holidays if we can, and then deciding in January wether it's just time to split or not.
 
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