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Long story short, my girlfriend and I were together for almost 5 years. Together we have four children and she has stuck with me through some nasty times I put her through. I was a terrible boyfriend to her for years. I lied, cheated, controlling and was addicted to porn. Last summer we had a fall out and I began to change my ways with her and was treating her much better except after a few months I allowed the porn back into our realtionship. Her mom was never a big fan of me from the get go and I let that be a rift in her family till last summer when I sat down and worked things out with her mom because I loved my girlfriend and knew I was wrong with her mom. Everything was going great for us from Jan '12 thru June '12. After that her and I began fighting quite frequently and the intmance for the most part became very rare. So in August this year she choose to call it quits with me because she had just had enough emotionally with things never changing between us and I honestly don't blame her. Another fact is last summer when we had a fall out she made contact with an ex boyfriend from highschool and they began texting and he even gave her a smart phone to use. When her and I got better this past Jan. he disappered from her life till Sept. '12 after I told her I was going to start looking for my own place. She says he is just a friend that she finds comfort in him. Her and I till this date still live together beacause of the kids and neither one of us have money to move out just yet. We still sleep in the same bed, undress in front of each other and occasionally shower together, drink after each other and share foods. We still seem like a couple without the emotions from her. I finally got her to admit she still loves me and has all the same emotions for me but is afraid of going through the hell of our realtionship anymore. She sees the change in me but says it doesn\t matter anymore to her anyways cause she is afraid to ever try again. Even she doesn't want to get close to me cause she knows she will be weak and come back to me again. All the signs are there that she just needs space and time to work things out and I just need to keep showing her I'm worth trying again cause we both know I have the potential to make her happy and be a better man. The only thing that scares me is the other guy; the ex boyfriend she contacts any time we hit a wall. She says we're split and that her life is her own business but gets upset anytime she suspets I may move on to another girl already. Which I don't but at times I feel like it would help me get over her if she really doesn't come back. As for her and the ex the messages they send each other includes the "I love you", I miss you, how they should try dating again to make sure their still on the same page. I know they occasionally meet up to talk but I don't expect she's slept with him. I think and her own family feels that she is just confused in her head after all the drama with me that she just doesn't know what she wants right now. I see all the signs that she wants time to see real change in me instead of temprary fixes but when he is in the picture and she says most of the haunting things of love and wanting to be back with him in his arms it makes me feel like I'm being played since I have all the security of the house, furniture and cars that she can not provide or has anyone to just pick up the peices for her yet. I am so torn with her does she still love me and just need time and the other guy is just a self esteem booster since my past porn addiction (which I recently turned to Christ and He has taken that from me) that took that from her. Or is she really over me and ready to move on but just isn't ready in the finances and material ways so just using me at the time? Get the feeling she is just testing the waters with him and it doesn't work out she'll look back at me again. I screwed up and know it. Have spent alot of time refelecting on everything, am also getting help to overcome all my issues. I can finally say I fully understand what I did wrong and what I will never do to any human again. Do I still have a chance?
