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My husband and i have been together 22 years married for 17, we met very youn 17.we have 3 children now 18,15 and 11.
We've had our problems over the years of course as anyone does, he always had an issue that i was always to busy with the children and never had enough time for him, too tired in the evenings never initiated sex etc...dont get me wrong when we did it was fantastic but just never enough for him, we have had issues over the years with him using other means i.e the internet ( he even run up a huge credit card bill many years ago ) and i have been told and had proof in the past that he had been seing someone else.
But we got through it and had some happy times, Sadly my father in law died 2 years ago so we all moved in with mother in law as shes disabled to look after her, i gave up my job to be a full time carer to her and we were moving into my husbands child hood home, we looked on it as a fresh new start, A few months down the line was when the cracks really started to show, hubby wasnt happy...i was very stressed and admit grumpy..i was looking after everyone ( hubby was never good around the house and he admits that he never done enough throughout our marriage ). Christmas last year he said he wasnt happy and wanted a break...i was devastated...we hung on for 2 months things wernt great altho i did try and make more of an effort in the bedroom and really realised what i was doing wrong before and it turned very exiting. unfortunatly rows still happened and he left in march.
My world fell apart..i was left looking after his mum and had lost my soul mate....months have past he comes and goes, altho he does not ever talk to his mum ( strange he has said before that he blames her sometimes) ive begged pleaded lost all dignaty, we have made love many times but i always feel lost afterwards as i dont know what it meant, he said a few times we wernt getting back together then we would....then when we rowed he would always use that as an excuse to not come back, so i never knew where i stood. Sadly my father died 2 months ago and when i needed him he wasnt there for me, the day after my dad died he dissapeared for5 days, we couldnt ring him or text till he suddenly turned up on the sunday.i felt very let down that he was not there for my children and i...since then its been too and fro....bits of sex between and naughty texts and he says he loves and misses me even up to a week and a half ago, he sees ive changed and says it fantastic but is hurt that its after he left ( which i regret too )....he has never taken the children out or really seen them for quality time...just when he "pops" over
.he does go quiet in the evenings and most weekends where we dont hear from him but if ever he texts or calls me and i dont reply he gets very stroppy, he has always been possesive and controlling in that way and others but its just the way its been since the begining.
Then Monday....bombshell... he told me he went out with a woman from work last week, i dont know any more than that my head works overtime tho!! ill never know as he has never been completly honest with me, he said he wants to move on but dont know how, blames me for not letting him...altho i never let on how upset i was about this woman..( i waited till i put the phone down and beat hell out of the sofa) he openly admits to checking up on me on facebook to see if i have someone new... and even accused me on monday of being seen out with guys ( i have never cheated in my life ) so do i read that that he still wants me? wants to know what i am up to because hes worried? or so it eases his guilt of what hes doing?
Im so confused about it all....i hope all that makes any sence, is it too late to save my marriage? i love him, but i dont know if i can trust him, hes all ive ever known my mum says im in this state because im scared of the unknown, i would really like some advice on what to do next, i have many friends and family that advise me but it would be nice to get an outsiders oppinion
 

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Your mother is right.

Your husband sees you as a piece of a$$ that he can swing by and nail without the inconvenience of a wife and kids, even though you are his wife and they are his kids.

He does this because you let him. You let him because, as your mother said, you are afraid of what life is like when you finally jettison his a$$ for good.

Have some self-respect and don't put up with this any longer.
 

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It sounds like your husband is doing a bit of cake eating. He's keeping you leashed while he goes out looking for something better. Once he finds it, he'll cut you off completely.

Do you want to be his priority or his option? Right now he's got you in the option section of his life. I wouldn't stand for that.
 

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My ex, the father of my two oldest boys, was the same after our relationship ended (I was still pregnant with our second). He was seeing someone not long after we finished, barely saw our son for the first 3 months of his life, but in between girlfriends he would come back and be all charming and want sex. I was lonely and gave in a couple of times.

Different story when I got a boyfriend two years later. He became insanely jealous - to the point of threatening to slit my throat with a kitchen knife. He finally agreed to have the kids occasionally (before that he would only visit them at my place), but then would drop them off at 6.30am on a Sunday so he could control my social life. Ug. That was probably the worst time in my life.

Anyway, my point is that sometimes you are better off without a certain person in your life. Depends on the person, but I was much happier single than I was with that man - it was like living on a rollercoaster, and I suspect he is an undiagnosed manic depressive.

Now I'm happily married to someone much better suited and have stability for the kids. So there is hope, even at the lowest point in your life.

And watch out when you get your life back - that's when the person who threw it away tends to feel regret.
 
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