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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am 36 yrs old and , have been divorced for 4 years, I have two boys ages 41/2 and 8. I have been dating a man for 1yr. He is 43, and has a son who is 23. We are very compatible and very much in love. My, children spend half of the time with their father and this gives me and my boyfriend free time, we are always together when the boys are not home. Ultimately, I am looking for someone to share my life with, in a married relationship. I have never had an open discussion with my boyfriend about the future of our relationship or how he feels about possible marriage and him living with two young children. I have tried to get him to spend time with me and my kids as a family unit, but he always has excuses and is only around when they are at their dads house. My question is, after a year, is it time to decide if this is the relationship for me? I don't want to seem needy or out to "nab" a husband, therefore I have not started this discussion. I just don't want to "date" this wonderful man who I love for the next ten years.
 

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I think you are doing yourself a disservice.

First, communication is the most important part of a relationship.

Second, He might feel uncomfortable around your kids because of his limited role as a boyfriend. But without the communication you'll never know. He might get more involved later if the relationship progresses.

Third, He might feel like a third wheel and is delaying what he fears is a stand off with your ex.

Fourth, he might feel he is done raising kids and doesn't want the job of doing so. It doesn't matter how he feels about you your kids are a part of the package.

I think you need to find out where he is otherwise you are just wasting your time and his. Let him know what you need from him and see if he is willing to be that man in your life if not then you will be dating him forever unless they find a way to come up with mind reading.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes - I agree, thanks for the response. Easier said than done, I think I am afraid of losing him, but ultimately, he may not be right for all three of us, and we may not be right for him.
 

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As good of a man as he might be he needs to fit into the team as well. Plus there is a chance you get all you want. Worst case is you know where you stand. I wish you the best of luck and hope you stay with the forums.

draconis
 

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I don't know that I have that much to add, but I would second the idea that you need to communicate with him.

I will say though, that you should find out why he hasn't even mentioned the idea of marriage if you've been dating for over a year.

He may be a nice guy, but you should find out if your goals are compatible.
 

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He basically avoids your kids, yet "mom" is a huge part of who you are. He can't marry only you. Marriage, in your case, means marrying you and your kids. He can pop over, make out with you or have sex with just you but a marriage would mean he would enter into a lifetime commitment with you and your kids. It wouldn't appear that he is interested in doing so, at the present. You don't believe the excuses he makes for avoiding your kids so we have commitment issues on his part and trust issues on your's. You both may have very different goals for the relationship. Although you don't want to appear as such, you do want a husband and a stepfather for the kids. He may just be interested in having a good time in the present. He knows how to talk and he's had a year to speak. Has he (without prompting) said anything to you that leads you to believe he intends to marry you in the near future?
 
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