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Hi all,

I'm a 21 female in my senior year of college. I come seeking some bit of advice on my relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and I really do love him; he's a kind and caring person and I know he really loves me back.

Unfortunately, I've become increasingly aware that he is very seriously (for lack of better words) a lazy slob. He never wants to do anything but sit on his computer and play games all the time. When he's at work, he reads websites about his game and how to play it better. His boss has even called him on it, and gave him a warning to stop playing around at work but he still does it. He doesn't even iron his clothes for work, he takes so little pride in himself and just doesn't seem to care. When he's in school, he neglects to do his homework so he can play around more, and has failed several classes this way.

He NEVER cleans his apartment and it consistently grosses me out. I feel like he is incredibly immature for his age, and his life has no structure and he doesn't take care of any of his responsibilities. I've talked about this with him several times, and he completely agrees and always feels bad and ashamed when I bring it up, and promises to change it. I ask him if he is stressed, or depressed, or upset about anything (and if that is why he plays games so much) and he says that he isn't... he's just lazy. He hasn't changed at all and falls back into the same routine every time. I'm afraid that might be my own fault; I forgive him pretty fast, especially when he actually starts to break down into tears.

I don't feel like I'm getting everything I deserve out of our relationship. I work VERY hard to do things to show him I love him; I cook, I clean, I write a little love note, I bring him treats, and I always dress nice for him. We've talked about marriage and I was so sure about it, but now I feel like I want to tell him that I can't go on being with him if he's going to stay this way forever.

I feel like there is SO much that needs to be fixed here, and I'm not sure he's capable at all of changing. Is there some way to work this out? It would break my heart, but should I just leave him? I feel like I may be missing out on a really fantastic relationship. What should I do?
 

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You are so young and I just dont think it is worth trying to "fix" someone that doesnt really think he has a problem. Take it from me, there are plenty of men that meet your needs out there. good luck,
 

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I had a colleague same as ur boy friend. She played online games day in and day out. She was given several warning letters and she continued to play at work and finally she was fired. The reason why i m telling u is, its going to be pretty hard "fixing" unless he really goes through something(counseling, interest in something new) that will change him forever. If you really love him try to change him, if not just dont waste your time.

If u want to change him, try not to complain but make him see things from your point of view without pointing fingers at him (i am not saying u did it just a word of caution) show him what wonderful things he is missing in life, talk to him about his future plans and his priorities in life. Ask him what kinda husband he would be in the future.......these are just some examples u can ask more to get him thinking. Dont ask him yes or no questions but open ended questions.

Yes u should do something about this, becos there's no way u could build a family with someone like this!
 

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There is nothing wrong with being a gamer, just as long as you are not addicted to it. It sounds like he is. Not having a clean apartment for a young guy, that is normal. Most guys are not the domestic type. I however am and I do know a few others to.

My wife isn't domestic at all. What she considers clean I consider embarassing. Why do I bring this up? Because to many people have different opinions on what is clean and what is an addiction.

I will assume the game he plays is an MMORPG. I will go farther and guess WOW. It is not uncommon for people to spend 2 to eight hours a day everyday playing that game. Let him know that you want to save the relationship but you want him to clean up his place so you feel better about going over, that you expect him to dress right for you and for his work. Let him know he can play his game but he needs to make sure that his priorities are right first like work, school, homework, his apartment, you then the game last.


draconis
 
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