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19 Posts
Hi...I am new to TAM and have debated on posting what is going on in my marriage. After reading several threads that are very similar to my situation I decided to go ahead with it as I could really use some advice.
First some background for you. My H & I were just married in February of this year. We have been together 9 years and living together for 5 years. We do not have any children.
We have always had our ups and downs like other couples but the last couple of years have been particularly bad especially the last 3 months. We keep having the same arguments over and over. I really believe it is due to the fact that we have many different beliefs and values. I had convinced myself that I could accept these differences because I really loved him and wanted the life that went along with him (Good friends, family, and the community we live in).
However, my H disrepects me on a daily basis. I have allowed myself to become his doormat. I have expressed my feelings to him more times than I can count and he always responds that it is my problem and not his to deal with. When I finally get fed up and really take a stand for myself he always says he understands and things will improve for a couple of weeks. There is never an apology or much effort to show me that he will improve. Then it's right back to where we started.
I am not anywhere near the top of his list of priorities. He is never home and will never commit to spending time with me. He works lots if OT for his job and when he's not working he consumes himself with all of the outdoor activities he loves. I know he is not having an affair, it's not in his blood. I have always suported the things he enjoys doing but he makes me feel guilty for doing the things I enjoy. Mainly because he feels that everything I enjoy "is a waste of money." Mind you all of our finances are seperate.
There is not one shred of a sex life left. It's the same cycle over and over again for this as well. I never receive any sort of affection from him unless I earn it. Everything is conditional with him. Yet his explanation for all if our problems is the lack of sex we have. He always says he will treat me better if I were to have sex with him more often. I have given into this theory many times hoping that things will improve and they never do. So now since I don't receive any affection and know things won't get better I refuse to have sex with him.
It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm in this marriage alone. I am tired of being the one who is fighting for it. I make my own plans and dream of having my own place where I can live life again.
I told him that I was to the point of leaving about two weeks ago. This seemed to wake him up. He has agrreed to go to MC and we had our first session last week. I honestly feel like this will be a waste of time because he won't be able to make the improvements I need him to. I am going to try to give it a fair chance but I feel so hopeless. I feel about 70% sure that I am ready to leave and move on. Disappointment and shame that I would feel from others are the main reasons I feel like I can't let go.
Any advice anyone has I'd appreciate. Thanks in advance.
to have sex with him jjh fo iiagain for this as well.
First some background for you. My H & I were just married in February of this year. We have been together 9 years and living together for 5 years. We do not have any children.
We have always had our ups and downs like other couples but the last couple of years have been particularly bad especially the last 3 months. We keep having the same arguments over and over. I really believe it is due to the fact that we have many different beliefs and values. I had convinced myself that I could accept these differences because I really loved him and wanted the life that went along with him (Good friends, family, and the community we live in).
However, my H disrepects me on a daily basis. I have allowed myself to become his doormat. I have expressed my feelings to him more times than I can count and he always responds that it is my problem and not his to deal with. When I finally get fed up and really take a stand for myself he always says he understands and things will improve for a couple of weeks. There is never an apology or much effort to show me that he will improve. Then it's right back to where we started.
I am not anywhere near the top of his list of priorities. He is never home and will never commit to spending time with me. He works lots if OT for his job and when he's not working he consumes himself with all of the outdoor activities he loves. I know he is not having an affair, it's not in his blood. I have always suported the things he enjoys doing but he makes me feel guilty for doing the things I enjoy. Mainly because he feels that everything I enjoy "is a waste of money." Mind you all of our finances are seperate.
There is not one shred of a sex life left. It's the same cycle over and over again for this as well. I never receive any sort of affection from him unless I earn it. Everything is conditional with him. Yet his explanation for all if our problems is the lack of sex we have. He always says he will treat me better if I were to have sex with him more often. I have given into this theory many times hoping that things will improve and they never do. So now since I don't receive any affection and know things won't get better I refuse to have sex with him.
It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm in this marriage alone. I am tired of being the one who is fighting for it. I make my own plans and dream of having my own place where I can live life again.
I told him that I was to the point of leaving about two weeks ago. This seemed to wake him up. He has agrreed to go to MC and we had our first session last week. I honestly feel like this will be a waste of time because he won't be able to make the improvements I need him to. I am going to try to give it a fair chance but I feel so hopeless. I feel about 70% sure that I am ready to leave and move on. Disappointment and shame that I would feel from others are the main reasons I feel like I can't let go.
Any advice anyone has I'd appreciate. Thanks in advance.
to have sex with him jjh fo iiagain for this as well.