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Can sexual history be discerned unless someone actually discloses it?
@ConanHub, I'm interested in hearing which cues you look for.
 

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I’m curious too. I have been able to tell when there is a lack of experience sometimes, and able to tell there is good skill other times, but I don’t think I would know how much experience someone has just because of good skill. They may just be naturally skilled without much experience. Some are not that skilled even though they do have a lot of experience.

Usually I just ask anyway so I’ve never tried to determine this without asking.
 

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Can sexual history be discerned unless someone actually discloses it?
@ConanHub, I'm interested in hearing which cues you look for.
I suspect you'll get a lot self-serving statements about how good someone thinks they are at finding this out because "their gut tells them so".

Which I put on the same level of evidence as for aliens building the pyramids. Sure, you can tell when someone has never been flat on their back in bed before, and when their swinging from the chandelier as extremes, but what that says about the great chasm of unknown numbers of partners and experiences in between is pretty foggy. A year or two with one previous partner and a willing apprentice can reveal a whole lot of the smorgasbord of sexual possibility.
 

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Comfort level.
How far they are willing to go the first time you have sex.
How they interact during the “preliminary stages “.
Then we'd better define our terms.

What is "sexual history"? I claim the only person you can readily identify here is someone who is not comfortable with sex. Which is a completely different question from sexual history. I came out of my first 18 month sexual relationship pretty damned comfortable with sex, but it was a single monogamous partner.

What would you have been able to say about my history other that "some experience?"
 

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Can sexual history be discerned unless someone actually discloses it?
@ConanHub, I'm interested in hearing which cues you look for.
Uh, I mean, sure.

If they go kung fu kinky monkey on you the first few times you have sex, you can probably guess she knows what she's doing, and extrapolate quickly that knowledge takes experience.
 

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I’m curious too. I have been able to tell when there is a lack of experience sometimes, and able to tell there is good skill other times, but I don’t think I would know how much experience someone has just because of good skill. They may just be naturally skilled without much experience. Some are not that skilled even though they do have a lot of experience.

Usually I just ask anyway so I’ve never tried to determine this without asking.
I find that you can be enthusiastic without being skilled, and be skilled without enthusiasm. For me, enthusiasm always wins. But skillful enthusiasm is the one ring to rule them all.
 

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Uh, I mean, sure.

If they go kung fu kinky monkey on you the first few times you have sex, you can probably guess she knows what she's doing, and extrapolate quickly that knowledge takes experience.
If she did not and more or less just became passive and let you do all the moves, would you determine she didn’t have much experience? What if she was trying to seem inexperienced but wasn’t. Do you think you could tell she was hiding experience?

Also, if you didn’t have much or any experience yourself, and she was passive, how would you be able to make a guess?

I think Conan was insinuating that Justthewife’s husband knows more about her sexual history than she thinks he does. But I really doubt that as he was a virgin and I’m sure Justthewife didn’t pull out kinky moves on him (in the beginning or ever). So I doubt her husband has any clue.
 

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I find that you can be enthusiastic without being skilled, and be skilled without enthusiasm. For me, enthusiasm always wins. But skillful enthusiasm is the one ring to rule them all.
I’ve still had skilled enthusiasm with those who don’t have that much actual experience. This is because some have natural skills.

I just ask though so it doesn’t matter. A very generic answer is all I need, not like number of partners, etc.

Some have only had one long term partner but they had a lot of sex with that partner so I would call that a lot of experience. However, that experience does not always translate to being skilled with other lovers. As long as there is enthusiastic engagement from sides in a new relationship, they can usually learn skills with a new partner pretty quickly.
 

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If she did not and more or less just became passive and let you do all the moves, would you determine she didn’t have much experience? What if she was trying to seem inexperienced but wasn’t. Do you think you could tell she was hiding experience?
I'm not sure. I mean, I'm sure it's possible. However, in my experience, the women that had experience acted like they did, and the ones that didn't, acted like they didn't.
Now I can't prove that they did or didn't have a fairly extensive sexual experience, but it did seem somewhat obvious.

Also, if you didn’t have much or any experience yourself, and she was passive, how would you be able to make a guess?
Probably not. I have a skewed perspective here given my first sexual experiences were with someone that was quite promiscuous, and older than me. So I have a sample size of 1, and that 1 didn't fit this scenario.

I think Conan was insinuating that Justthewife’s husband knows more about her sexual history than she thinks he does. But I really doubt that as he was a virgin and I’m sure Justthewife didn’t pull out kinky moves on him (in the beginning or ever). So I doubt her husband has any clue.
Maybe. There's also 'willful gullability.' Meaning, he might have a clue, but he doesn't want to confront it, so he plays along with being duped somewhat consciously.

Just like my fundamentalist father in law pretends not to understand booze or partying, when I know for a fact he used to party like a madman in vegas when he was younger. It's a convenience thing, an identity thing.

Part of the social contract is agreeing to play games that work for everyone. Just like "does my ass look big in this?" isn't really a real question, nor is the answer to it generally expected to be a real one.

Social lubricant.
 

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Some have only had one long term partner but they had a lot of sex with that partner so I would call that a lot of experience. However, that experience does not always translate to being skilled with other lovers. As long as there is enthusiastic engagement from sides in a new relationship, they can usually learn skills with a new partner pretty quickly.
Ya, that's where I'm at. If she's had crazy sex thousands of times with one dude, or meh sex with 10 dues 10 times... I mean, what's experience?
 

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If you've not yet had sexual relations with them, or if they've gotten physically and psychologically loose by having had "a shot under the belt," and feel like or want to disclose what boudoir things that they've done with others, I'd think that's about the only recourse for disclosure!

Other than that, whenever "the makeout circus starts," you can usually tell exactly how wild or tame they really are going to be, and then find out even more as soon as you two hit the sheets together!
 

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Can sexual history be discerned unless someone actually discloses it?
@ConanHub, I'm interested in hearing which cues you look for.
Too make sure we start this correctly, this discussion started from a female poster who was talking about clueless husbands who buy their wives innocent eyes and angel facade. She admitted some of them might be willfully blind to the fact that their wives had sexual histories while others are truly oblivious. I remarked that it isn't that hard to pull one over on a gullible or inexperienced man but it wouldn't work with me or people like me.

I know from experience and study that women are very sexual and just as human in regards to sex as men.

Now this is very basic but not readily apparent to religious virgin men for the most part but odds are better than excellent that I can tell if a woman I am in a relationship with has a sexual history at all, if she has a limited history or at least some experience. Past a certain point of experience, a woman could put some secrets over on me but not that she was some innocent little angel girl.:smile2:

The woman in question has apparently duped her husband into believing she has no sexual history and that wouldn't be possible to do with guys like me.

I have never bedded a virgin and that is by choice because I have had several opportunities. The virgin girls did not have to tell me they hadn't been with a man before because it became readily apparent quickly and I disengaged before sex.

I've also been with several ladies that I could easily tell had very limited sexual experience and some of it probably wasn't good.

As far as noticing a ladies nature vs what she wears?

Any time spent observing two conservatively dressed women over a period of time usually reveals some differences.

There were two girls in high school who dressed nearly identical in style. Both wore mostly pretty dresses that were very proper and ladylike. Both were good students. One was a slightly damaged nymphomaniac and the other was a virgin who had probably never been kissed. They had similar looks and builds as well.

It was pretty easy to determine by their reactions to different events, information and interactions how different they really were. I never had any direct romantic interaction with either of them but could tell what was going on with them especially after spending a year or n classes with them.

It is far easier in a religious/church type setting.

Comparing two women I knew who were both high in position in the church and both married to their high school boyfriends.

After interacting with both of them for a couple years it was easy to tell that one was exactly as she presented herself and one was far more experienced. The true one was oblivious to certain things that the other picked up on effortlessly.

The more experienced woman was above reproach in dress an manner and she never did anything overt but she pretty much overcorrected most of the time and it was pretty obvious to me while the other woman had absolutely nothing to hide so she wasn't a bit disingenuous and behaved unafraid to make certain mistakes or faux pas that the experienced woman avoided like her life depended on it.

The experienced one had certain voice inflections and hinted at double entendre when talking that the inexperienced one couldn't even conceive of.

It was similar with the girls in high school.

Now onto the less tangible. FW talks about sexdar and I believe certain levels of awareness exist and some folks might be a little more in touch with that side of themselves and others not so much.

Maybe people that have been very experienced can just kind of pick up on certain aspects of others?

I don't know for sure and won't assume to speak for others but I'm certain there are a lot of people that can pick up non verbal cues.

There are sex cues that everyone has. Individuals have different ways of reacting to them but the basics remain similar. Eye dilation, voice pitch, blood flow, breathing, hormone production, etc. these happen to pretty much everyone and how individuals react can give away some truths about them.

Inexperienced women react differently than experienced and really experienced and confident women react on their own level.

This is long winded enough for now.:wink2:
 

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FW talks about sexdar and I believe certain levels of awareness exist and some folks might be a little more in touch with that side of themselves and others not so much.
Very much this. I think I've always had an active 'sexdar,' meaning I can quite rapidly pick out who's fairly comfortable with their sexuality, and connected with it. For women, it can be as simple as how they move. Walking is easiest to pick out, and it doesn't even have to be a sexy wiggle or anything. Its... comfort with themselves. Enjoyment in being in their body. Enjoyment in being a woman.

It can also be as simple as how they hold themselves, speak, or even in a tilt of the head.

What they wear is also a big clue. Dressing provocatively often has nothing to do with it - I've known more than a few woman that love to wear everything tight and show lots of skin, but are obviously not comfortable in the skin that they're showing. It's more a sense of comfort and casual ease with themselves, and security in knowing they are sexy even in absence of attracting any attention at all.

This may also be controversial, but most of the really sexual people I've known also take very good care of themselves, and often for reasons that have nothing at all to do with being considered hot. It's more a sense of deep respect and connection with their body. They're integrated with their sexuality and their physicality.

Martial arts have made this very apparent. Bodies are very easy to read, and don't often lie.
 

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Now onto the less tangible. FW talks about sexdar and I believe certain levels of awareness exist and some folks might be a little more in touch with that side of themselves and others not so much.

Maybe people that have been very experienced can just kind of pick up on certain aspects of others?

I don't know for sure and won't assume to speak for others but I'm certain there are a lot of people that can pick up non verbal cues.
Interesting. I have not really used sexdar to determine amount of experience. It is usually just something that picks up if this or that person is a sexual person or not, and kind of at what level.

Like, the eyes and mannerisms of a man who is highly sexual is different than a man who is not very sexual. I don't really think this could be faked, either way. However, being highly sexual doesn't necessarily mean highly experienced. Or another example, a man may be highly sexual but is completely monogamous currently and definitely is not out looking for a piece of ass, but his eyes will still show that he is highly sexual anyway. He behaves differently than a HD man who is unattached, but his eyes still show he is HD. I don't just mean eyes looking at me or other women either, it includes this but is more than this. Some HD men will not notice me or make eyes at me in anyway because I'm not his type or whatever reason, yet I will still see in his eyes and mannerisms that he is HD.

Women are sometimes a bit harder to read, but they do also give subtle signs of HD or LD and everything in between. Since women typically will not react to me sexually at all, I have to observe in a different way.

With men, *usually* a HD man and I will "ping" each other, and I know in that moment he has spotted me as HD also. It does not mean we are necessarily attracted to each other, but we have noticed the sameness in each other. Like I said above, sometimes he will not notice me or ping me, but usually he does.

Again, I had never really thought about this in terms of amount of experience. I know I had sexdar long before I had actual experience to bank on. It is like a sixth sense.
 

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Interesting. I have not really used sexdar to determine amount of experience. It is usually just something that picks up if this or that person is a sexual person or not, and kind of at what level.

Like, the eyes and mannerisms of a man who is highly sexual is different than a man who is not very sexual. I don't really think this could be faked, either way. However, being highly sexual doesn't necessarily mean highly experienced. Or another example, a man may be highly sexual but is completely monogamous currently and definitely is not out looking for a piece of ass, but his eyes will still show that he is highly sexual anyway. He behaves differently than a HD man who is unattached, but his eyes still show he is HD. I don't just mean eyes looking at me or other women either, it includes this but is more than this. Some HD men will not notice me or make eyes at me in anyway because I'm not his type or whatever reason, yet I will still see in his eyes and mannerisms that he is HD.

Women are sometimes a bit harder to read, but they do also give subtle signs of HD or LD and everything in between. Since women typically will not react to me sexually at all, I have to observe in a different way.

With men, *usually* a HD man and I will "ping" each other, and I know in that moment he has spotted me as HD also. It does not mean we are necessarily attracted to each other, but we have noticed the sameness in each other. Like I said above, sometimes he will not notice me or ping me, but usually he does.

Again, I had never really thought about this in terms of amount of experience. I know I had sexdar long before I had actual experience to bank on. It is like a sixth sense.
Hmm.

In my experience, you don't actually need to see a woman relate to another person at all to be able to tell that she's very sexual. She just is, like breathing while you're alive.
 

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Hmm.

In my experience, you don't actually need to see a woman relate to another person at all to be able to tell that she's very sexual. She just is, like breathing while you're alive.
Right, eyes and mannerisms. His or her eyes don't necessarily need to be on another person. You can tell just by how they look at the world.
 

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Very much this. I think I've always had an active 'sexdar,' meaning I can quite rapidly pick out who's fairly comfortable with their sexuality, and connected with it.
Can you?

I understand you think that you can. Would any unbiased person say that you've determined the truth of this statement with anything other than self-serving presumptions?

Not picking on you in particular. This is the response I have whenever I hear someone say "I'm VERY intuitive about these things" or "I have great gaydar" or "I'm so empathetic".

You think you can do this. No one does controlled experiments on themselves, so I suspect you actually have no empirical evidence one way or another.
 

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Can you?

I understand you think that you can. Would any unbiased person say that you've determined the truth of this statement with anything other than self-serving presumptions?

Not picking on you in particular. This is the response I have whenever I hear someone say "I'm VERY intuitive about these things" or "I have great gaydar" or "I'm so empathetic".

You think you can do this. No one does controlled experiments on themselves, so I suspect you actually have no empirical evidence one way or another.
I don't have any empirical evidence, of course. But I have always wished I could run an experiment. Have a room of about 50 people, men and women. Have them all take a survey in which they rate themselves and how sexual they are on a scale of 1 to 10. Other than this, none of them know what the experiment is about. Then let me observe them all covertly for about 15 minutes or however long it takes for me to check each of them out for a bit. Then I take a guess on their self ranked number and see how close I come on how many of them.
 

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Can you?

I understand you think that you can. Would any unbiased person say that you've determined the truth of this statement with anything other than self-serving presumptions?

Not picking on you in particular. This is the response I have whenever I hear someone say "I'm VERY intuitive about these things" or "I have great gaydar" or "I'm so empathetic".

You think you can do this. No one does controlled experiments on themselves, so I suspect you actually have no empirical evidence one way or another.
Well... actually I have. While single, of course.

This would be part of the reason that I'd go to a party and pick out the hot girl at the back of the room that wasn't necessarily the extroverted, obviously hot woman that was the center of everybody's attention.

You could pick up these waves of female sexuality coming off this woman, even if she was ignoring everybody else there. And, should she choose to come home with you... whammo! You'd wake up in the morning wondering what the hell kind of sexy crazy train just rolled over you. Often the hot popular girls would have the opposite effect.

I'm sure I've been wrong at times. Nobody is perfect. Confirmation bias is a thing. But on the whole I'm fairly sure I'm more right than wrong.
 
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