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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married 23 years.
We have both been unhappy for alot of the marriage.

After 12 years she came to me and we almost separated, but worked it out. I was unhappy as well, but when she came to me, I begged to try and we did. It was not long before I was unhappy but did not say anything. Apparently she was too because...

4 years later, she came to me again. We separated this time for a month, but worked it out with the help of a counselor. Again, sometime later we were both unhappy.

5 years later she asked for a divorce. Again I was unhappy, but never said anything. We were both fine and proceeding with the divorce. We even started to date. But after a couple of months, we both started to want each other back. We saw a counselor and got back together.

Less than a year later, I am unhappy again. I am not sure how she feels. I feel like it is over, but do not know what to do. I hate to hurt her, but I am tired of not being happy. I wonder if what we felt that made us come back is only due to the fact that we have been together so long. I know that our sex life is always good for a few months after we get together and then we become 2 people that live together.

Is it over???
 

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I think its been over, sorry to say. There is no reason to continue to go through life unhappy, and it seems you both are. I think both of you have tried over and over to make something work that you clearly knew probably wouldn't. However, its good that you both tried. Its all you can do really. If you know this seems to be the pattern, then you will need to stop that pattern. You can love someone but it doesn't mean you're meant to be together.
 

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End it now

It should have been obvious to both of you that while you may love each other, you can't live together
 

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I disagree. Marriages are never a constant and no two are the same. SOunds like you two keep running on the same treadmill, but then realize you miss each other.

You should look into some marriage workshops. You need to mix things up in a good way rather than in the same old bad way. It really only takes one to make a marriage a better one. When two both become selfish, is when it fails.

MC and/or Marriage Workshops should help. But at least one of you needs to look at this as a long term fix and be better than the other for the sake of the marriage.

IMHO. Best wishes!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
This is me said, "but at least one of you needs to look at this as a long term fix and be better than the other for the sake of the marriage."

I am going to talk to her soon, but it seems to me(maybe different to her) that each time we both try for a while, but then she seems to stop, and when she stops, it just gets tiring and I start to get resentful, and we become 2 people living in the same house...

Last time we split, I told her the exact statement above and she just said she was sorry.
 
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