Tonight we celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. The day was actually the 9th, but Thursday is my Friday so I thought we could go out and have a good time.
Some background: 18 years together, 4 children (ages 10, 7, 16 mo, and 4 mo.). We've had a rocky relationship from the beginning. Most of the time it was my choice to leave, when we were dating. We were on and off for 4 yrs before I realized I needed her in my life and popped the question. Around the 8 yr mark I started wandering, nothing ever came of it, but it lead to future issues. I started wondering again in 2016 and beyond, I felt like we'd lost the spark, and no amount of talking was going to resolve it. But we worked through things and stayed together. And then there was last night...
I arranged for someone to watch our kids. I sent her flowers and got home, before her, to ensure the kids were taken care of before we left for the night. The plan was to ha e a good night together, and enjoy each other's company, without worry of the kids, or our problems. A chance to rekindle the flame of love.
I'd made reservations at a restuarant that we'd gone to on our last anniversary, and she was excited. The beginnings of the meal was off to a good start. But as the night progressed the conversation turned to our current issues. While things remained civil, the tension of the night was beginning to build.
She was tired from the long day at work, and though we rarely have a might together she wanted to return home, shower, and get to bed early. Reluctantly, heeded her wishes and drove home. I wanted to stay out, but as we talked during the drive home, I was becoming more upset. When we finally got home, we sat in our parking spot and talked further. Things just got worse.
While we both stated, and understood that the current working situation wasn't ideal, there was still and undertone that I wasn't doing enough to tend to either the kids or my wife. (As a supervisor, if a shift is left vacated I am forced to find someone to fill it, or work it myself. No one is willing to work it, so there I am -- not idyllic with two young ones at home). I admitted. through tears, that I work because that's the only way I feel I'm able to contribute to tending to the family. I'm there emotionally and physically, but when it comes to the daily things that's where my wife takes over.
She said she was sorry for complaining, but she asked me not to be upset. Said I was ruining the evening. Then she said I was making her feel like a heel. She said she loved me, but I need to stop crying so that we could have a nice evening together. So, I compose myself enough to go Inside. As we walk to our apt I can hear her muttering her displeasure. This only upsets me further.
Flashback: she's stated, numerous times, during recent arguements that she wishes she hadn't had kids, or even gotten married. She seems to think that her life.
Our babysitter leaves. My wife showers. The kids get I to bed. My wife goes to bed, without me. And I'm left on the couch with the youngest feeding him, half falling asleep while doing so. 2.5 or more hrs later I wake up with my son in my arms on the couch. I think back on the night's events and cry again. My marriage is over. My wife is more concerned about herself than us (her and me).
Some background: 18 years together, 4 children (ages 10, 7, 16 mo, and 4 mo.). We've had a rocky relationship from the beginning. Most of the time it was my choice to leave, when we were dating. We were on and off for 4 yrs before I realized I needed her in my life and popped the question. Around the 8 yr mark I started wandering, nothing ever came of it, but it lead to future issues. I started wondering again in 2016 and beyond, I felt like we'd lost the spark, and no amount of talking was going to resolve it. But we worked through things and stayed together. And then there was last night...
I arranged for someone to watch our kids. I sent her flowers and got home, before her, to ensure the kids were taken care of before we left for the night. The plan was to ha e a good night together, and enjoy each other's company, without worry of the kids, or our problems. A chance to rekindle the flame of love.
I'd made reservations at a restuarant that we'd gone to on our last anniversary, and she was excited. The beginnings of the meal was off to a good start. But as the night progressed the conversation turned to our current issues. While things remained civil, the tension of the night was beginning to build.
She was tired from the long day at work, and though we rarely have a might together she wanted to return home, shower, and get to bed early. Reluctantly, heeded her wishes and drove home. I wanted to stay out, but as we talked during the drive home, I was becoming more upset. When we finally got home, we sat in our parking spot and talked further. Things just got worse.
While we both stated, and understood that the current working situation wasn't ideal, there was still and undertone that I wasn't doing enough to tend to either the kids or my wife. (As a supervisor, if a shift is left vacated I am forced to find someone to fill it, or work it myself. No one is willing to work it, so there I am -- not idyllic with two young ones at home). I admitted. through tears, that I work because that's the only way I feel I'm able to contribute to tending to the family. I'm there emotionally and physically, but when it comes to the daily things that's where my wife takes over.
She said she was sorry for complaining, but she asked me not to be upset. Said I was ruining the evening. Then she said I was making her feel like a heel. She said she loved me, but I need to stop crying so that we could have a nice evening together. So, I compose myself enough to go Inside. As we walk to our apt I can hear her muttering her displeasure. This only upsets me further.
Flashback: she's stated, numerous times, during recent arguements that she wishes she hadn't had kids, or even gotten married. She seems to think that her life.
Our babysitter leaves. My wife showers. The kids get I to bed. My wife goes to bed, without me. And I'm left on the couch with the youngest feeding him, half falling asleep while doing so. 2.5 or more hrs later I wake up with my son in my arms on the couch. I think back on the night's events and cry again. My marriage is over. My wife is more concerned about herself than us (her and me).