Is it natural to stay faithful?

7618 Views 73 Replies 29 Participants Last post by johnnycomelately, Dec 3, 2012

LiamNeeson

Discussion Starter · Nov 30, 2012

Sometimes staying faithful to a woman is hard because of urges. How do you overcome these? I don't know if I want to not have these urges, they are so powerful. Is the old Indian saying true about the two wolves, and the one you feed winning?

It's pretty obvious that infidelity is a bane to society at-large and at home. It creates the potential for conflict. Yet isn't that what life is about, conflict... coming together and breaking apart? So is it that we are supposed to follow our natural instincts or is it better to follow the rules of society?

In many cases the ones being hurt by infidelity are commiting it themselves to some extent, because it's in their nature. Society is simply seeking to cover the hurt up. So... how does one become an ubermensch and overcomes these urges and forego the whole moral dilemma?

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ManUp

· #2 · Nov 30, 2012

Stay faithful. That completely avoids any moral dilemma. Then again, if you prefer a scorched earth policy of relationships leaving broken hearts and crushed souls along the wayside and constantly living in a state of ridiculous drama and conflict, well, I suppose that's your choice.
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waiwera

· #3 · Nov 30, 2012

I think the fact that we 'share' our lovers so badly and with so much hurt and angst proves we're designed to be monogamous.

I've read several times humans are one of a selective few beings that 'pair bond'.

Temptation is everywhere... for some it's that hottie down the road, for some it's chocolate cake, for some it's alcohol or shopping... etc...

We all have to fight that temptation or we'd all be fat drunks shagging everyone in sight... heck...that might sound ok to some!

Seriously though... anytime I might be tempted to stray all I would need to do is spend 5 mins on the 'Coping With Infideliy'' boards to remember how much I have to lose and how much it would hurt my H.

Weathered

· #4 · Nov 30, 2012

It's definitely a conscious decision. For some it's easier to do, and others struggle with or succumb to temptation.

It's as natural as doing the 'right' thing (however way this is defined).
Absolutely worth the effort being faithful though.

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EleGirl

· #5 · Nov 30, 2012

So much in this life has a yin and a yang… two opposing forces.
I think that monogamy and the urge to hook up with others are both natural forces.

Monogamy is such a force that our body actually creates chemicals that cause us to feel bonded to another person. We have strong urges to from a family unit.
We, male and female, also have strong urges to reach out to others. However, when we do this and have sex with them… our body makes those chemicals and starts the bonding process.
It’s two sides of the same coin.
Human society and individuals do better with strong family units.
‘
But in times of war, epidemics, etc. when many people die… those who are left without a partner can quickly reform new family units.

So both sides of this are needed. But they can cause conflicts.

You have to decide what’s more important to you… jumping in bed with whoever you fancy at the moment (if he/she will do it) or building a strong family/relationship.

If that urge is more important.. then don’t marry use/harm your wife. It’s really that simple.

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2ntnuf

· #6 · Nov 30, 2012

Please explain a little more about these "urges". I don't ever remember having "urges" that I could not control around other women. Maybe I have memory problems. Okay, I'll admit it. I just do not remember having these problems at all. They were never so strong I could not keep my hands or anything else to myself.

I know this probably seems like a smart a** comment, but I really want to understand this, "I can't live without some other woman than my wife" feeling. I just don't get it. Even when I was in my twenties, I could keep my hands to myself. Believe me, I was quite the horn dog then.

Sorry, not natural for me. Don't know why. Just never wanted to sleep with lots of women. Maybe I could find a reason if I really thought about it for a while. I just can't find one now.

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unbelievable

· #7 · Nov 30, 2012

Staying faithful isn't natural, but it's very natural for cheaters to end up sad, pathetic, alone and impoverished. The "benefits" of cheating aren't worth the risks. While the consequences are never pleasant, in my case, they also include the certainty that I'd be maimed or murdered by my wife. I've seen hundreds of bloody crime scenes. I'm not anxious to be one. Besides, there are only two types of sexual organs. You could sleep around with 10,000 men but none will have equipment vastly different than the one you've got at home.

2ntnuf

· #8 · Nov 30, 2012

unbelievable said:
Staying faithful isn't natural, but it's very natural for cheaters to end up sad, pathetic, alone and impoverished. The "benefits" of cheating aren't worth the risks. While the consequences are never pleasant, in my case, they also include the certainty that I'd be maimed or murdered by my wife. I've seen hundreds of bloody crime scenes. I'm not anxious to be one. Besides, there are only two types of sexual organs. You could sleep around with 10,000 men but none will have equipment vastly different than the one you've got at home.

See, I just don't get this and I am the one who is impoverished and all that other stuff. I did not cheat, ever.

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ScaredandUnsure

· #9 · Nov 30, 2012

I think if lower life forms can remain monogamous, then it shouldn't really be hard for human beings to be monogamous. If you can't, then don't get into relationships, it's really that simple.

Reactions: 4

LiamNeeson

Discussion Starter · #10 · Nov 30, 2012

unbelievable said:
Staying faithful isn't natural, but it's very natural for cheaters to end up sad, pathetic, alone and impoverished. The "benefits" of cheating aren't worth the risks. While the consequences are never pleasant, in my case, they also include the certainty that I'd be maimed or murdered by my wife. I've seen hundreds of bloody crime scenes. I'm not anxious to be one. Besides, there are only two types of sexual organs. You could sleep around with 10,000 men but none will have equipment vastly different than the one you've got at home.

I can tell you've thought on it longer than I have, with far greater consequences. It's always been haunting me but I have yet to have it to truly wreck havoc. I'm leaning against it so it's hard to say if it will happen to me.

Anyway as to the urges I thought every guy would just understand what I meant: All of a sudden you're excited about sex, you feel on top of the world, you want to meet women and you feel like an Alpha. Some then will watch porn or go to their female, others will cheat. I'm just acknowledging how powerful that urge is.

2ntnuf

· #11 · Nov 30, 2012

I always went to my wife when I felt on top of the world. No problem for me. I wanted to share my good feelings with the one I love. It was when I felt the most satisfaction from the high of being on top of the world and I would sometimes let that high run over and buy her gifts.

I always thought, why waste that good on someone else. Give all of that good to my loving wife. She deserves it.

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EleGirl

· #12 · Nov 30, 2012

LiamNeeson said:
I can tell you've thought on it longer than I have, with far greater consequences. It's always been haunting me but I have yet to have it to truly wreck havoc. I'm leaning against it so it's hard to say if it will happen to me.

Anyway as to the urges I thought every guy would just understand what I meant: All of a sudden you're excited about sex, you feel on top of the world, you want to meet women and you feel like an Alpha. Some then will watch porn or go to their female, others will cheat. I'm just acknowledging how powerful that urge is.

Are you saying that you have cheated on your wife?

Weathered

· #13 · Nov 30, 2012

Feeling on top of the world gives a guy a superiority complex - and that can even be from having a wonderful day topped off by a lot of lovely pleasantries from your own spouse, including sex. What should humble us is that no matter how good we think we are, we are not God's gift to anyone or anything. We are only to be a blessing to our own spouses, and learn to give more than to take.

The Cro-Magnon

· #14 · Nov 30, 2012

LiamNeeson said:
Sometimes staying faithful to a woman is hard because of urges. How do you overcome these? I don't know if I want to not have these urges, they are so powerful. Is the old Indian saying true about the two wolves, and the one you feed winning?

WTF am I reading? Are you a human being, or some kind of farm animal?

Reactions: 1

AFEH

· #15 · Nov 30, 2012

Is it natural to stay faithful? Just depends what type of man you are. If you are a faithful man then it’s natural for you to stay faithful. If you’re an unfaithful man then it’s natural for you to be unfaithful.

It just depends what your own specific values, beliefs and rules of married life are. If you believe in being faithful, value what you get out of being faithful then you’ll have a rule something like “I will not give into the temptation of other women”. Which is of course a personal boundary, there to protect your values and beliefs.

If you want to know why not to give into temptation spend some time in Coping with Infidelity. Plus imagine your wife in bed with another man for a while.

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johnnycomelately

· #16 · Nov 30, 2012

There is a huge amount of evidence that monogamy is not natural for either gender. That doesn't mean that we should be unfaithful, but you need to understand what you are dealing with - a battle against your nature - in order to win the prize of lifelong marital harmony.

Because evolution is so slow-moving our physiology lags behind our social development. So, although we know that monogamous pair bonding is the best format for our children and society as a whole, we find it tough, as is evidenced by the high failure rate of monogamous partnerships.

You have to understand your instincts and see them for what they are - the breeding strategy of a caveman - in order to be able to ignore them and do the right thing.

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Cosmos

· #17 · Nov 30, 2012 (Edited)

Both males and females have the urges you describe. As humans, we've learned that neither gender copes too well with an unfaithful partner, so we've chosen to become monogamous.

The choice is yours, but I would suggest that you think very carefully.

Caribbean Man

· #18 · Nov 30, 2012 (Edited)

This line of argument about humans are just like animals ,and that we were not programmed to be monogamous always amuses me.

Show me an ape or monkey who could drive a car during rush hours and apply make up, talking on a cellphone whilst changing gears , and I will believe the argument.

How do animals " spice up" their sex lives?
Humans may have similarities to animals but we are way advanced, and the same laws do not govern us.

The urge to have sex is natural for humans, but so too, the urge to eat , excrete and sleep.
We choose to eat what we want / feel to eat.
We choose where we want defecate.
We choose where it is safe enough for us to fall asleep.

Human beings have evolved way beyond the stage of being slaves to our natural urges.
That's the reason any random guy cannot walk into your house, take your car keys and drive off in your car, in spite of his
" urges."
We have laws.
We have developed a complex system of rules, conventions and laws to help preserve our species.
That's what makes us different to animals.
That's why we try to control our urges.

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CandieGirl

· #19 · Nov 30, 2012

LiamNeeson said:
Sometimes staying faithful to a woman is hard because of urges. How do you overcome these? I don't know if I want to not have these urges, they are so powerful. Is the old Indian saying true about the two wolves, and the one you feed winning?

It's pretty obvious that infidelity is a bane to society at-large and at home. It creates the potential for conflict. Yet isn't that what life is about, conflict... coming together and breaking apart? So is it that we are supposed to follow our natural instincts or is it better to follow the rules of society?

In many cases the ones being hurt by infidelity are commiting it themselves to some extent, because it's in their nature. Society is simply seeking to cover the hurt up. So... how does one become an ubermensch and overcomes these urges and forego the whole moral dilemma?

Are you married? If not, I'd advise you to get these urges out of your system before committing to one woman. That's what the single years are for.

Cosmos

· #20 · Nov 30, 2012

Humans are not the only animals that choose monogamy. The following are monogamous for more than one mating season:-

1. Ducks
2. Eagles
3. Foxes
4. Geese
5. Gibbons
6. Lynx
7. Marmosets
8. Mountain lions
9. Swans
10. Wolves
11. Beavers

Whilst these animals might go on to choose new mates when the off-spring have 'flown the nest,' one has to bear in mind that in humans the off-spring aren't self-sufficient until they are young adults.

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