[BridgetJones]

Here is the situation: We were watching tv in our bedroom. I was laying on his belly with one hand under comforter and was caressing his legs while he did same thing on my back. He asked me to turn down volume. I tried with my other hand to find that button but combination of big remote, small hand and even smaller button took me too long so I passed remote on him.
After that, he started to scream "WTF" You don't know how to do it??? I told him I could not reach it with one hand only. He started to give me stupid comments.
I told him why he had to react the way he did? It made him only angrier.
So I left room saying that I do not want him to treat me this way ever again. He said "how sensitive suddenly and kept yelling things about me being princess, etc.
I did not tell him anything nasty, or anything the way he did. Everything was ok before.

I stayed sleep in another bedroom and we did not talk this morning.
Did I do something that bad that he had react this way? He knows our marriage is in bad shape and I am starting counseling. But he thinks it is only me and my fault. Everything.

 

[45188]

He flipped out at you for a remote? Thats what I'm getting. He wayyyy overreacted.

 

[CharlieParker]

"one hand under comforter and was caressing his legs" at the very least I'd be trying to keep that vibe going or escalate it. When you say "turn down volume", do you mean all the way, or just lower?

How's the sex?

Everything was ok before.
[...]
He knows our marriage is in bad shape and I am starting counseling. But he thinks it is only me and my fault. Everything.

Not following. OK that day but bad in general? The "princess", does that come up often?

 

[turnera]

No, you did right by leaving the room. That's called a consequence for him crossing your boundary (not to be yelled at). Do it often enough and he will learn to stop yelling at you.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE!

 

[SadSamIAm]

My guess is the argument had nothing to do with remote.

How is your sex life?
How long was the rubbing leg/back thing going on?

Scenario ....

Husband has been upset about lack of intimacy. Has tried off and on for the past few days and is getting rejected. TV night happens and all is going well. Rubbing back and rubbing leg happening, but not progressing to anything more. Husband is getting anxious/pissed that the wife isn't progressing into being more sexual. He has been rejected too often and is expecting/wanting the wife to initiate. It isn't happening and so he has been laying there silently fuming. The remote was just the spark to set the blaze.

 

[turnera]

So?

 

[ankh]

Has he apologized yet? He must apologize to You...

 

[IrishGirlVA]

Your husband needs to pick his battles. That was an inappropriate reaction to your action. It wasn't like you said to yourself, "OK, I am going to get the remote but I am too much of a princess to turn down the volume myself so I am going to hand it to him because I am entitled to have everything done for me". I mean, come on! The other night I was making pasta and I couldn't get the lid off so I "mindlessly" handed the jar to my dinner companion. Didn't think twice about it. It was my silent way of saying, "I can't get it, please help". He opened it and gave it back to me just as mindlessly.

Yup, I would have left the room too if I got that reaction. You have NOTHING to apologize for.

Something to think about though --- What else could be eating at him that he used that as a reason to go off on you? Sometimes little things can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Was he holding onto something that irritated him about you and this was how he unleashed? Still inappropriate but a question worth asking.

 

[turnera]

I'm with Sam, I'm sure he was expecting more from you in terms of SF, that's probably all he was thinking about. But women tend to back down when men use loud voice and anger. Don't let that happen.

 

[homebuilder]

sounds like his angry about something else and looking for a reason to xplode

 

[BridgetJones]

Honestly, there was nothing sexual going on. He actually had his best friend with him in the bed - his laptop. This is just something relaxing we do. He gets sex when he wants. He was going to look up something and going to sleep.
He was always like this..yelling or calling names for little things. I just wanted to know if it was me only as he usually says.
Also, he did not apologize but gave me some smelly flower ornament. I guess, that is him saying " I did overreact?"

 

[turnera]

Yes. My H can't apologize, either. He tries to be extra nice after he screws up. But we've been doing that for 30 years, and it's not healthy. Stop that in your marriage - tell him that the next time he does it, you deserve an apology, a real one.

But if he yells a lot, you really need to change that behavior - by giving him negative consequences. I would tell him that you will continue to leave the room or worse, because you should not be yelled at.

 

[Chelle D]

1 - This is about much more that you not being able to control remote with one hand & not getting volume down fast enough.

Seems like he flies off the handle & does not respect you enough... "calls you names" constantly. Well, he is a little man, if he cannot respect his wife.

2. Some men cannot/ will not ever verbally apologize. His buying the flowers was his apology. Since you call them "some smelly flower ornament" that you did not like or accept this apology.

Tell him, that flowers do nothing for you. You were very hurt verbally, and a verbal apology is what you wanted. He can save money next time, because flowers did not tell you that he meant "sorry".