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:(:(:( my story is a little long but i will try to condense it as much as possible. i have been married for 14 mos with no children together but each of us have children from previous relationships.this has been rockiest road ever. we are great for a month or so and then we are back arguing and fighting again and i'm so sick and tired of this. the fights are always about my husband taking everything so offensively. well, a repetitive cycle of cheating didn't help but we somehow seemed to survive that. it's the little things that has us headed for divorce. the cheating finally stopped (i believe) but my husband is like a child when it comes to me telling him how i feel about certain things that he does and every time i say something that he doesn't like, we are headed for divorce. we argue and he packs his things and leaves but then wants to return home when i don't chase him down. that's another issue. if he tells me he wants a divorce or he's leaving me, i'm suppose to chase him down and beg him not to go. if i don't do that, there's a bigger problem than the one we already have. He leaves me because of something that he has done wrong but i should chase him? not long ago he got so angry at me because i said that i didn't like a certain cd (i'm not kidding) he threw the cd out and we argued all night because he said that i hurt his feelings by saying that i didn't like the cd and i was not being sensitive to his feelings. that's just one of the very minor things that we argue about. he gets mad because he says that i act funny with my car, my phone went missing (i knew that he took it) but i started having problems with the used phone that i purchased and then suddenly my old phone appeared out of nowhere. i told him that i didn't want the phone because the phone was no good and everything was erased and that i would just keep the one that i have until it's time for an upgrade. well, yes, he took offense to that. he said that i was accusing him of erasing all of the data and i said no such thing. after that episode, i did believe that he did something with that reaction and it should have been my first thought to begin with because he had his friend tap into my text messages and i believe he now tapes my conversations because he just blurts out things that i've said but it just went over my head but there was one thing that he heard me say and it struck a nerve so he said something to me about it but he tried to make it seem like someone overheard me and told him but i know for sure that when i said it, no one else was around. i'm so bothered by this!!! he makes me nuts!!!! i have never given this man a reason not to trust me but yet he accuses me time and time again. i never really had much of a social life but i did go out from time to time. i cut my social life out completely, i tell him everywhere i'm going, when i'm going and who i'm with, i leave my phone next to him at all times when i'm home and i hardly talk on the phone just to prove to him that i'm not cheating but that's just simply not enough for him. the other night i blew up at him because he just accused me of cheating right out of the blew and then he says that if he would have never looked into my phone he wouldn't feel this way. well, i got so angry and i yelled. "I WANT A DIVORCE" because i can't take this anymore!!!! there is absolutely nothing else for me to do to reassure him that i'm not cheating but to quit my job and look at the four walls all day everyday. I am not doing that. He is not financially stable enough for that and even if he was, i wouldn't quit my job. i would lose my mind sitting home all day!! i have to also mention how financially irresponsible he is. we've been almost evicted 6 times and the last two times is when i said to him, "this has to stop", you have to take care of home first and everything else comes later and that he is being really irresponsible with his money. OMG why did i say that? it was a category 5 storm after that. i tell him that it's disrespectful to me when he hangs out until 2 and 3 in the morning and he gets mad at that. i tell that leaving his phone on silent all the time when we home is a red flag. he gets mad at that. Wednesday evening i found out that he was cheating on me with another woman when we were engaged in addition to the one that i had already found out about and i was really sad about it. we recently had a falling out and he packed his things and left but i held it all in until we argued about him not trusting me again Wednesday night. I didn't really make a big fuss about it because i'm simply out of strength and just want so get out of this season of war. so he asked me yesterday why did i seem so down and i told him it was because of what i had found out and that i didn't want to fight about it, i just wanted to move past it. that wasn't enough for him. he wanted to fignt about and then try to change things around on me but i wouldn't let him. i just hung up on him and then he started again with me this morning about our wedding rings. recently we had another falling out and he took also took our wedding rings along with my engagement ring. well, we got back together and this time i didn't take him back so easily but i believe he sold the rings. i kept asking for my ring back but he wouldn't give it to me claiming that i have taken it off too many times in the past, but if someone tells you they want a divorce, do you keep the rings on? he has also taken his ring off way too many times but i was never the one to scream divorce. well, he told me that he wasn't giving the ring back until our marriage was much stronger? now was that a bad answer or what? i said so now you are teaching me a lesson huh? and he said yes. i told him that there is no lesson to be learned here when you are the one who asked for the ring back. so then he says that the ring is in the shop so i said, " well if mines is in the shop, what's stopping you from wearing yours?" and his reply again was, "i want to make sure our marriage is solid first." what a load of crap!!!! i said here i am walking around w/out a ring when i'm suppose to be representing you and you should representing me but your telling me that you need the marriage to be stronger??!!! i feel like he's saying something else to me without saying it. i told him there's no guarantees in life. i wasn't sure if he wasn't going to cheat on me again and i still took a chance but that's his response about our rings??!!! and this is the last thing that i want to mention. he acts like being married to me is so grueling and i treat this man like royalty! i promise, i don't give him grief about anything but his phone and him hanging out all the time late at night (i don't mine sometimes but all the time is too much for me) i dont even complain about his financial irresponsibilities. Am i doing something wrong here? please help and please don't be afraid to critisize, i can take it. thanks in advance for your input!!!
 

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The real question is why do you stay with this man. An emotionally healthy person would not let something like this happen to her. You need to formulate a plan to get out of there as soon as possible and leave. Then enroll in therapy to find out why you even put up with his crazy behavior in the first. Because this man has some SERIOUS issues he needs to work through before he could ever be considered husband material.
 

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i just hung up on him and then he started again with me this morning about our wedding rings. recently we had another falling out and he took also took our wedding rings along with my engagement ring. well, we got back together and this time i didn't take him back so easily but i believe he sold the rings. i kept asking for my ring back but he wouldn't give it to me claiming that i have taken it off too many times in the past, but if someone tells you they want a divorce, do you keep the rings on? he has also taken his ring off way too many times

I admit to not reading your entire post since it's long and there are no paragraphs (my eyes!) BUT from this little bit you posted:

You are married to a child. Really? Taking you rings and hiding them? Selling them? Tell him to keep them and if he wants to keep acting like a 5 yr old then that is on him but you want to be in a relationship with a more mature person who doesn't have to result to these silly and passive-agressive things.

Stand your ground firmly. But I predict it won't get better. Someone who hides your rings (my ex) as punishment just because you have a disagreement or they are in a bad mood isn't someone you want to be married to/in a relationship with.



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thank you Mrs. OldNews!! @Jellybeans, it's so funny that you say that (do not get pregnant) because that's all he talks about and I am not interested at all!!!

i told him this morning that he was very child like. He takes everything back from me that he has ever done which isn't much. i'm to the point where i don't want him to buy me anything and if i tell him that, it will be another storm!!
 

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and i am planning my escape. this is just too much for me to bare. it's a slippery slope all the time and i am exhausted. i have a great feeling that the plan will not be hard because tomorrow will be a new show.
 

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thank you Mrs. OldNews!! @Jellybeans, it's so funny that you say that (do not get pregnant) because that's all he talks about and I am not interested at all!!!
Can't say I blame you at all. It's hard to be interested in having a baby with someone who keeps hiding your wedding rings as punishment. (Hell, it's hard to even want to sleep with someone who keeps doing that).

Ivory--I am so sorry you are in this sh*t. Take a stand and be firm.

Is he controlling in antoher aspects of your marriage?

Re: your thread question: you are responsible for YOUR actions only. He's responsible for HIS.



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I think getting out now is a good idea, too. He sounds like he has a serious mental disorder (borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder come to mind.) At a very minimum, there's a lot of emotional abuse going on.

You asked if you contribute to the problem, and the answer to that is always a yes, even if you're not doing anything "wrong." In your post, the one thing I see where you're contributing is by speaking up. Yes, you *should* be able to, but the fact is that when you do, it contributes to his tantrums.

I just posted a link in another thread to an article I wrote on narcissism. The methods I've described for coping with narcissism might help you get through temporarily. I also have articles on emotional abuse as well as mental illness and divorce that you might find helpful.

Here are the links to the articles if you're interested:

Narcissism: Recognizing, Coping With, and Treating It

Mental Illness and Divorce

Signs and Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

I wish you the best. Your husband is not going to change, unfortunately, and the best you can do is minimize the damage while you plan your escape.
 

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He reeks of BPD. You might go back and put paragraphs in, I couldn't read it all because my eyes hurt.
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DO NOT get pregnant
:iagree:

I also didn't get past the first few lines, but here's what I would do.....based on what I DID read:

When he packs his sh!t and leaves, CHANGE THE LOCKS! Don't allow him back.....only to get his children if they are there at the time.

File for D.

End of story.
 

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guys i am so sorry for no paragraphs. i am so stressed out and depressed that when i started typing, i just did not stop. my brain is like a data base right now. i will go in and put paragraphs.

@ southern wife, the good news is, we have no children together. THANK GOD!!! i was trying to plan my escape but i can't. i have already consulted with a divorce lawyer and when i leave for work on Monday, that is when i will break the news. i cannot stick around for another session of this. it's takes all of my energy!!!
 
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