Is it just a lie?

2071 Views 26 Replies 12 Participants Last post by See_Listen_Love, Oct 21, 2012

Cherry

Discussion Starter · Oct 20, 2012

We don't have access to any money, without going through hoops right now.. probably not til Monday and need to resort to what measly amounts are left on two cards. And we've just went to a one income household.

So today, we're trying to figure out gas for the car at least til Monday evening, and he mentions the credit cards. I ask him if he made any purchases on it this billing cycle.. he says NO, but that they do charge fees.. so he doesn't know exact balance.. I say call. He calls one card and let's me hear the message that no charges have been made and then calls the other card and hangs up and says same thing.. I just thought it was odd so I asked to hear it... So then he tells me he went to lunch with one of the guys from work, blah blah.

I am furious... He lied to me until he had to say something.. he's done that with huge things, like the girl he fvcked who sued him.. he didn't tell me they had sex until we got called to court.

What is this??? He claims it was an innocent lie... WTF is that? An innocent lie? Problem is we are on a tight budget, so ten buck lunches are out of the question anyway.. but I might could understand if he had just said something, but to wait until he had to say something... Can I ever fvcking trust this man? Or am I overreacting (nicotine withdrawal.. 2 full days now)

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bluepocket

· #2 · Oct 20, 2012

Wait... he got sued by a woman who he slept with behind your back?

This doesn't seem like a nice guy, period.

Gaia

· #3 · Oct 20, 2012

I don't think your over reacting at all. I hate lies myself... including little white lies. To lie to you about the finances is a huge problem imo. You two are suppose to be handling things like that as a team imo. He may feel like he is doing you a favor by not telling you and may even want to keep you stress free and happy but he is going about it the wrong way.
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CallaLily

· #4 · Oct 20, 2012

Cherry said:
Can I ever fvcking trust this man?

I'm sorry Cherry. I guess its all in what you're willing or not willing to tolerate.

pidge70

· #5 · Oct 20, 2012

Have you ever wrote out a pros and cons lists? Seriously, I have read your threads and I just can't really find any redeeming qualities in your H. I still remember reading your thread where he spit in your face. I'm not trying to be a b!tch but, what makes him so wonderful that all the horrible crap he has done makes it worthwhile?

Reactions: 3

Gaia

· #6 · Oct 20, 2012

I agree with pidge(shocking I know huh pidge?). I certainly wouldn't tolerate that crap... that's for sure. The last guy that spit in my face... I ended up bytch slapping. I wanted to do more but he was the bf of a dear friend of mine so I kept myself in check. Besides he was bawling like a baby after the slap anyway.
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DayDream

· #7 · Oct 20, 2012

Yeah, don't be pi$$ed at him for all the innocent lies. Just the guilty ones.

(that was sarcasm. HeII yes you should be pissed...given the history.)

See_Listen_Love

· #8 · Oct 20, 2012

No you are not overreacting, HE is under-reacting to your financial situation.
He needs to stop spending, especially when not discussed first together.

Tell him no innocent lies anymore. You need to have trust to cope through difficult times.

Good luck.

Reactions: 1

CallaLily

· #9 · Oct 20, 2012

The fact that he is stilling lying (no matter how small or how big) shows a great disrespect to you and the marriage. I don't think he is fully engaged in wanting things to change and be better, if so he wouldn't keep doing this.

delirium

· #10 · Oct 20, 2012

My husband lies about things all the time---mostly financial, but about small things as well that make no sense to me that he wouldn't just be honest. He also doesn't tell me until absolutely necessary, when it's the worst moment to find out. This is the cause of about 90% of our fights. It's so frustrating and I'm not sure what to do either. (Sorry, not much help. I'm anxious to hear more responses)

Gaia

· #11 · Oct 20, 2012

Omg delirium where have you been??

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that_girl

· #12 · Oct 20, 2012

pidge70 said:
Have you ever wrote out a pros and cons lists? Seriously, I have read your threads and I just can't really find any redeeming qualities in your H. I still remember reading your thread where he spit in your face. I'm not trying to be a b!tch but, what makes him so wonderful that all the horrible crap he has done makes it worthwhile?

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

And now you're on one income and depending on him?

No no. He's not a nice guy. I think when he tries to be nice, THAT is the lie.

Reactions: 1

Mavash.

· #13 · Oct 20, 2012

I value integrity and honesty. That sh!t would NOT fly with me. Innocent or not it's a bold faced LIE and I'd be pissed.

Yes there are times when I can tell my husband would rather lie to save my feelings but he doesn't. If I ask him a question directly (aka are there any new charges on a credit card) he might hang his head in shame and pause to get his wits about him but he'd answer truthfully. And I give him the same respect.

It's not always easy to admit you've screwed up but lying about it is childish and immature. And the truth ALWAYS finds a way of coming out. Lying only makes it worse.

Reactions: 2

delirium

· #14 · Oct 20, 2012

Gaia said:
Omg delirium where have you been??
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I took a little TAM break, but I've missed it. Can't stay away, haha.

Gaia

· #15 · Oct 20, 2012

Lol well wb. I agree with mavash btw cherry.
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that_girl

· #16 · Oct 20, 2012

The thing with lies is that once you catch someone lying, you wonder what else they lied about so coolly AND you wonder if everything they say is a lie.

It also shows he's a big scaredy cat. He was too afraid of getting into trouble

rolleyes: ) about going to lunch that he lied about it. I can't stand that. Be a grown person and own your life.

Reactions: 4

Cherry

Discussion Starter · #17 · Oct 20, 2012

Thanks ladies. I'm numb right now.. yeah, over a lie. It's not just that.. it brought back my feelings over his huge stupid lies, the hurt, etc.

It's gonna be a long day.

And FYI, I wouldn't have to move.. he would have to, whatever I decide. Might just have to look for a job though.

Reactions: 2

trey69

· #18 · Oct 20, 2012

Personally for me, I couldn't live that way. I couldn't live with someone who lies even if it were about small things. It shows disrespect, and would make me feel that person didn't think I was worth the truth. He is still worried about himself. Worried about what may or may happen if he was to tell the truth. This should speak volumes, because it wont be just about money and finances it will carry over into other parts of the relationship as well.

Reactions: 3

Mavash.

· #19 · Oct 20, 2012

Cherry said:
Thanks ladies. I'm numb right now.. yeah, over a lie. It's not just that.. it brought back my feelings over his huge stupid lies, the hurt, etc.

It's gonna be a long day.

And FYI, I wouldn't have to move.. he would have to, whatever I decide. Might just have to look for a job though.

Please don't minimize what he just did to you. This is a huge betrayal regardless of the fact that it was ONLY $10.

It would be a huge betrayal if I told my husband I was going to walmart and went to the mall instead. It's not the content or the value it's the LYING that's the problem.

If I can't even tell the truth about little things than I sure can't tell the truth on big things. See what I mean?

Reactions: 2

that_girl

· #20 · Oct 20, 2012

The people who have lied to me like this in my past have all been immature jerks. Always telling me what I wanted to hear, but never the truth. I am mother to 2 girls...THAT IS IT. I'm not my husband's mother so I can't get him in trouble. He has done some pretty effed up things financially. And he owned them all. Sure, he looked pretty sheepish and had that look of "omfgshe'sgoingtokillme" on his face, but he told the truth. He's also done things I don't really like...but that's because of my own securities. He doesn't lie about them though. He's hurt me with the truth and that's a HELL of a lot better than being soothed with a lie.

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